Anagenisis
by Megnacarta
Summary: After Bella suffers a tramatic life change she goes to Greece with her friend Alice to heal. There she meets a bronze haired man who helps her be reborn. A lot of angst.
1. La Même Histoire

**A/N: I am a northwest girl so I'm trying to keep the locations as accurate as possible. I have been in the area quite a bit so I'd like to think I'm representing it okay. There for there will be no umbrella's in the story. (A little NW humor) Bella keeps her birthday. So that would make her 22 in present day. I want to send a huge thank you to the fabulous twilight lexicon for being such a wealth of information. This is my first endeavor into fan fic so I hope I do okay. Thanks for reading! **

**I own four pink jackets.**

**Stephanie Meyer own twilight and the characters**

**Big love to my fabulous Beta who gave me so much to work with. Thanks Edwardcrazed14!**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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On vit au jour le jour  
Nos envies, nos amours  
on s'en va sans savoir  
on est toujours  
Dans la même histoire

**La Même Histoire**

I could hear my alarm screeching on the other side of the nightstand. I rolled over to slam the snooze and wrap my arm around Mike. My fingers found only Egyptian cotton pillows.

"Ugh, again Mike!" I huffed. This was the third time this week he didn't come home at night. I was so sick of waking up to a cold home. I wished he would let me help him with inventory. I reminded myself that I should have been expecting this. Every year he would vanish for weeks at a time. I should be proud that my husband was so hard working. It was a blessing that he could sustain our life style. At least I tried to tell myself that. What more would I expect from him by now. I couldn't even remember the last time he looked at me. But today was different. As my eyes adjusted to the lazy sunlight filtering through the window I bit my lip in defeat. Of all days that I needed my husband; this one was most important. The pressure ripped at my sides and I fought back the hot tears betraying my eyes. Taking in several deep breaths I braced myself for the long day ahead of me. I needed to get through today and I would be okay. If I could survive this day, then maybe I could forget. If only…..

Moaning I pulled myself out of bed, fumbling for my chenille robe. It was June in Forks, still cold enough for thicker clothes in the mornings. I toddled to the kitchen clutching the robe around my chest. The empty halls felt languid without Mike here. I was euphoric when we moved into the house. I loved the cozy corners and the wooden beams. I didn't care that the water heater only allowed for a tepid shower; the peeling paint on the windows and the way the wind would shake the walls during a storm. It was our home and I wanted to fill it with love. I wanted to build a life with him in this little blue rambler. Now the halls were distant and I avoided the empty room in the back; a room with cobwebs and vacuous memories. I fiddled with the expensive coffee maker that my dad Charlie got me last Christmas. People may think that living in the rainiest place in the continental US would be depressing but we adapt. We Washingtonians knew how to make a mean cup coffee. Even in a town as small as Forks we had over ten places to get coffee. Caffeine intake is a serious art around here. I grounded the beans and started a pot. Sauntering into the living room, I turned on the King 5 news. I watched a few minutes of news. It was all the same things. War, theft, death. The news was so disheartening. I sipped my coffee tried to wake up to face this day.

As I drove my old red Chevy truck through town, I sang along with the radio.

Mike and I used to listen to the music together all the time. It was soothing and fortifying to find someone who let me sing along to the radio without annoyance. I'm sure our classmates thought we were odd for liking such old songs but we didn't care. We only cared about each other. Those days of slow dancing in my dad's living room were so far gone now. I pulled into the parking lot of Newton's Outfitters. I glanced at Mike's new Suburban. I was so annoyed when he bought it. I had to drive around in a 1953 Chevy with peeling paint and Mike gets a brand new SUV? It seemed quite inequitable to me. He reasoned that he was the bread winner. My writing career at the Olympic Peninsula Herald wasn't exactly raking in the dough. Always that excuse, always something these days. I could never do it right enough.

"Someday," I murmured to myself getting out of the truck. Flakes of red paint fluttered to the puddle at my feet.

I carried Mike's caramel macchiato into the store. The music was already playing softly on the speakers; it was some generic song, Celine Dion or maybe Mariah even. I couldn't tell the difference any longer. I greeted Chloe, the junior that worked weekends. We chatted briefly about her upcoming trip to Mexico with her family. My smile faltered trying to show enthusiasm for her upcoming event. I couldn't remember the last time I was excited about something - anything really. It was only ten Am and the day hung heavy over me. I wanted to go back to bed desperately but I knew that Mike would be annoyed if I wasn't out keeping myself busy. I walked to the back and opened the heavy manager's door. Mike was hunched over a pile of papers.

"Hey sweetie," I chirped.

"Bella, Uh, hey what are you doing here?" he furrowed his brow.

"You know." I waved my hand flippantly. "I just wanted to say 'Hi'. Brought you a coffee"

"You know I was cold this morning," I said softly, handing him the white cup.

"Yeah, I know. I fell asleep on the cot last night. This year is quite a bitch. Let me tell ya," he joked humorlessly.

"You know I could try to help, if you'd like."

"That's okay, I'd rather not have you in here messing up my system," he said as he gave me mocking smirk.

"Well okay. I'm running up to Port Angeles. I have to meet Alice**, **the new lifestyle journalist; Joey wants me to show her around the area. Do you need anything while up there? I could pick up something special for dinner if you'd like?"

"I don't think I'll be home for dinner. My mom wants to go over some figures at their house. I'll probably just stay there tonight." He glared over my shoulder then looked back at the papers.

"Oh, I was hoping to see you tonight. I just have been missing you lately. You spend so much time here. I hardly get to see you," I replied. "I really needed to spend some time with you today."

He cocked his head with a grunt "This again Bella? You know I have work to do. You can't be expecting me to drop my career just because you need someone to talk to."

"But Mike, please I know you're busy but I really need you tonight. It's June 28th, remember? I just…." My voice wavered with tears.

He ran his hand over his face and glowered at the wall. His shoulders tensed at my sobs. "Fine, I'll come home after I go to my mom's. Happy? Is that what you wanted?"

"Hardly," I mumbled. How could he think that was what I wanted? That I would want a husband who I had to coerce into having dinner with me. A life filled with hallow nights. "Obviously you are quite busy so I'll go. Call me when you'll be home."

He briskly nodded.

"Well, okay, right then." I pursed my lips before I left the small yellow office. I raced to my truck before my irrepressible tears began. I was incredulous at the idea that he would forget what today was. Why I needed him. Did it not mean the same to him? How many times did we have to have this conversation? How many times had I counted on his steady hand to sustain me only to feel my chest come apart at the seams? It wasn't supposed to be like this. This wasn't what I signed up for.

* * *

My first day at Forks High School was filled with walking down wrong corridors and being called Isabelle all day. It was the middle of the year, January. I was angry at my mother Renee for sending me up there so that she and her new girlfriend Catherine could travel with their band. It was never that she was gay. I was surprised sure. What thirteen year old wouldn't be? After a while though, it made sense. She certainly didn't stay with my dad Charlie long and hadn't dated any men since him. Best of all she seemed happier, lighter. How could I begrudge her this happiness? When she started dating Catherine she became the mom I used to love. Began playing her music and painting again. When she casually mentioned touring and how I hadn't seen my father for years I complied. The decision was made: goodbye Phoenix of cicadas and saguaro blossoms and hello to drizzles and moss. I knew the second I set foot into the soggy soil of Clallam County that it was going to be a miserable seventeen months until graduation. I was never the type of girl who fit in. I wasn't the type of girl to make new friends and I the only thing I seemed to attract was a huge amount of accidental injury. I wasn't even tan for fuck's sake. What kind of girl moved from the valley of the sun looking like a piece of alabaster? My hair hung thick, stringy and dull brown around my face. What chance did I have here in a town the size of my old high school?

I met Mike that day. He sat next to me in biology leaving a short girl with short flaxen hair and a shell pink sneer behind. I shuddered as he scooted his chair towards me and the girl shot me daggers.

"Mike Newton, you must be the elusive Isabella Swan," he said, a playful smirk on his face. He put out his hand and I took it.

"Bella."

"What's that?" he asked.

"I go by Bella, I really don't like the name Isabella too much," I offered.

"Well Bella, it's nice to meet you. I've certainly heard enough about you today."

"Like what?" I said my eyes darted around at everyone's gazes trained on our exchange. My cheeks flared red at the attention. I covered my eyes with my cold fingers.

"Oh you know the normal stuff. Beautiful girl just arrived into town, daughter of our fine chief of police. Stories of you stabbing some kid with a pencil in Phoenix. All that jazz."

I looked at him shocked. His lips were turned up in a mocking grin. I sighed in relief at his joke. I took a minute to see him and noticed that he was cute. Maybe it was in a cocky way, but he was still cute. Short spiky blonde hair and soft blue eyes. His cheeks still had roundness to them that I could tell would be shed upon adulthood. He was on the short side but I wasn't exactly a giant at 5'4. Obviously he was quite the big man on campus in Forks but in Phoenix he wouldn't have registered. The rest of the period we chatted about where we were from and bonded over missing dryer areas. He said he wanted to move back to California as soon as possible. I found myself liking him more and more with every passing moment. The feeling was intensified when he accompanied me to gym and protected me from some of the self inflicted injuries I procured.

After a particularly harrowing bout of racquetball where I managed to hit both myself and Mike in the head with my back swing he walked me to my rusty old truck. It had been weeks of chatting at lunch and him protecting me from self inflicted bodily harm in gym. The more time passed I found myself starting to like the boy more and more. He was warm and introduced me to his friends Angela and Jessica who were so welcoming to a newcomer at their lunch table. He put his hand on the hood of my peeling red door. He looked…nervous. "So Bells. What are you up to this weekend?" he asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"I didn't have definite plans. I might go to Port Angeles with Ang and Jess. They want to look at swim suits. I don't know when they think they'll be able to wear them. Isn't summer like one week up here?" I joked.

He laughed loudly at my comment. "Well if you're free afterwards I want to take you to the Kalaloch Lodge for dinner Saturday night. Have you ever been?"

I could feel my cheeks flush. They always did this at the worst times. I shook my head. As much as I was beginning to like him I wasn't sure of dating him, hell I was apprehensive about dating anyone. "I don't know Mike. I mean I just moved here a little over a month ago. I'll think about it."

"We could make it a double with Jess and Tyler?" He asked "If that would make you more comfortable."

"Oh you're good. I'll talk to Jessica tonight. Call me?" I asked.

"You better believe I will," he exclaimed over his shoulder as he walked away.

Giggling to myself I clambered into my beast of a truck. For the first time since moving up to Forks the sun broke through the clouds.

"It must be a sign," I muttered to myself.

I pulled my cell phone out of my brown Fossil purse and called Jessica. Before she could even say hello I rushed. "Jessica, I have a question for you. Would you and Tyler come to the Kalaloch Lodge with Mike and me on Saturday?"

Jessica was silent for a while. I found myself counting to myself "one, two, and three"

"Wait a minute, Newton? Mike Newton asked you out?" Jessica sputtered.

"Well yeah, I told him I wasn't sure and he suggested we double. Would you do it? Please Jess, I don't think I don't think I can handle a date alone with him right now. I haven't really dated before," I admitted, rolling my eyes at my confession.

"Sure Bella, you haven't dated, like I would believe that," she chided.

"No really, I was way too shy down in Phoenix." I asserted.

"In that case…" she paused "….of course we'll go with you guys. If this is your first real date you'll need some _guidance_. We can even get ready together after shopping."

"Sounds good Jess. I'll see you tomorrow."

When I got home I started making Grandma Swan's fettuccine alfredo. I knew it was Charlie's favorite. Just as the sauce was thickening Charlie walked through the door. He sighed expectantly at the strong smell of garlic and parmesan.

"Howdy Belly girl. It smells real good in here."

"Thanks Dad, I thought you might like a change from the regular lasagna and pizza routine," I teased as I chuckled.

"Well change is always good," he said as he dished up the food.

We sat in silence for a few minutes the soften sound of chewing filling the kitchen. I cleared my throat. Charlie looked up at me with his soft brown eyes.

"So Dad tomorrow Jessica and Angela were going up to Port Angeles to Gottschalks. The girls want to look at swimsuits," I paused, trying to form the words correctly. "And then afterwards, um, well Mike Newton asked me to go to the Kalaloch Lodge with him for dinner. We'd be going with Jess and Tyler"

He scrunched his brows "Newton huh? Tom and Lizzie's boy? Well I guess that's okay. As long as you're back by ten."

"Ten Dad? It takes about a half hour to get down there. Eleven."

"Fine, eleven and not a second later," he warned, placing his hands over his belly.

"Deal."

After a long day looking for swimwear I was sure I would never get the chance to use, Jessica and I drove back to Forks. All day long the subject of Mike wasn't broached. It felt like impending bomb in my brain. Finally while passing Sol Duc Hot Springs; Jessica twisted her body to face me sitting in the back of Angela's Honda Civic.

"So I want you to know that Mike hasn't really dated in a long time. I mean not since Lauren. You know that skanky fake blonde that's in our biology class."

"Yeah, we've met." Earlier in the week Lauren had bumped me in the hall causing me to drop all my book and stub my toe at the same time. She was as bitchy as she looked.

"Anyways, I know that he is a really good guy and is like a brother to me. I really like you Bella so I hope everything works out for you. I have a good feeling about tonight." Jessica gushed.

"Thanks. I think so too," I mumbled, blushing fuchsia.

"So ladies, what will you are wearing tonight? I suggest nice pants and flat shoes that are easy to get out of. The sky should be clear tonight I bet you can walk on the beach," Angela interjected. I sighed in relief at her interruption. As much as I liked Jessica I didn't know what I thought about Mike and here she was practically planning our wedding.

We spent the remainder of the ride weighing our clothing options and singing along to embarrassingly saccharine pop music. When we arrived at my house, Charlie was planted in front of the TV watching the Seahawks and 49rs game.

"Charlie I'm home," I called out, glancing at the pepperoni pizza in front of him on the oak coffee table. "You know I could have made dinner before we left."

"No! No Bells, I just want you to have fun. What time is this Matt guy coming?" he asked, his eyes still glued to the TV.

"Mike, Dad, his name is Mike," I said placing my hands on my hips. "Can you please remember that before he gets here? It would be very embarrassing if you used the wrong name."

"Sure, sure Bella, I'll try," he said, finally turning his face to mine to smirk at me.

Satisfied with my lecture Jessica and I went up to my room. I sat down on my purple bed and Jessica stood by my rocking chair silently assessing my wardrobe.

"You don't have too many options, sweetie. I only have so much to work with here," she said as she clicked her tongue at me disapprovingly.

"I just moved her from the desert. What did you expect?" I asked.

"Well first of all we need some tunes. Oh my god I love this song!" Jessica turned on the radio and we began to sing along with Gwen Stefani.

_So why do we choose the boys that are naughty?  
I don't fit in so why do you want me?  
And I know I can't tame you...but I just keep trying_

…_.But I still love to wash in your old bathwater  
You make me feel like I couldn't love another  
I can't help it...you're my kind of man_

"That's kind of gross huh? Bathwater, I mean, hello! Can you imagine the germs? Ugh!" Jessica wrinkled her nose.

I laughed as I walked to the closet. I held up my red turtleneck. "What do you think? Sophisticated?"

"More like matronly. Really Bella? A turtleneck on your first date? You have to give them something to look at," she asserted. She held up a paper thin sheer white tee. "What about this?"

"Now you must be joking. It's February Jess. I have to wear a sweater. I'm from Phoenix, remember?" I gasped, laughing.

"Well I'm just glad I don't have to deal with this first date stuff anymore. It doesn't matter what I wear. Tyler simply adores me." Her eyes became wistful.

"We should all be so lucky…."

Jessica pursed her lips at me. "So do you think Mike will kiss you? I bet he will. I know that he really likes you. He's been bugging me for weeks about you. He has been grilling me nonstop."

"Really? Well I don't know. I mean I've only really kissed one other guy and it was so gross and slobbery and it was over a year ago."

"You've only kissed one guy! Isabella Swan what are we going to do with you?" she commented, feigning shock.

"How many guys have you kissed?" I asked.

"Ugh. Way too many frogs let me tell you that. I've only had a few boyfriends though. I've only slept with Tyler and that was after months of dating although I'm a bit of a kissing slut." Her green eyes twinkled and she ran her fingers through her light brown curly hair. "You know I feel like I can never do anything with this hair. I wish I had your hair."

She walked over to me and pushed my shoulders down so I sat at my white antique vanity. Jessica began to twist my long chestnut hair in a half twist allowing stray hairs to graze my soft jaw line. She began to apply makeup that I hardly wore to my face.

"Okay and now just a little mascara and you will be good." She said while finishing. I looked at my reflection. My chocolate eyes were nicely enhanced with a copper shadow and my cheeks were raspberry and cream, a clear gloss on my cupid bow lips.

"Wow Jess! You do good work." I smiled up at her.

"I know right?" She giggled "Mike won't be able to keep his eyes off you, or his hands," she added with a devilish smirk.

I looked down shyly. "What about Mike? I mean I know you said he dated Lauren. I mean, how far did they go?" I inquired cautiously. I didn't want to be a prude.

Jessica looked out the window, biting her lip. Ouch, that bad I guess. "I think that is a conversation you need to have with him. I will just say that you shouldn't judge him. We all make mistakes."

"Well that sounds a little scary," I murmured

"Oh don't be silly it's not that bad," she exclaimed. "Now what are you wearing?"

Trying on several different outfits I finally picked out a pale pink cashmere v-neck sweater with more cleavage than I usual showed and my dark Sevens my mom bought me on my birthday. I knew I'd be cold so I grabbed my gray pea coat out of the closet just in time for Mike's Nissan to pull into the drive way.

Charlie stood in the doorway. He had his police chief face on.

Mike approached the house and immediately stuck out his hand to firmly shake with Charlie.

"Good evening Chief Swan. I'm Michael Newton. My friend Tyler and I will be taking the girls to the Kalaloch Lodge. I've had my license for over a year now and took the defensive driving class offered by the state patrol," Mike stated confidently. I held my breath.

Charlie glowered at Mike for a moment. "Well okay then. Bella, remember not a second past eleven. You have your cell right?"

"Yes Dad, although I'm pretty sure there is no service in Kalaloch," I reminded him.

He grumbled while I kissed his cheek and raced out the door.

We climbed into the car. Jessica slid in the back seat next to Tyler and I took the front passenger seat. I buckled up and bit my lip fretfully. He grinned and started the car. Turning on the radio he found a song he liked.

"Hey that's funny, first date get it? It's our first date. This is _First Date_."

_Let's go  
don't wait  
this nights almost over  
honest, let's make  
this night last forever  
forever and ever  
let's make this last forever  
forever and ever  
let's make this last forever_

I had to laugh. What a goofball. Right when I was feeling apprehensive he broke the tension. I was confident this date would go just fine.

Arriving at the lodge I was amazed by the view. A wooden fence lined the edge of the cliff overlooking the wet sand and churning water. My pesto chicken was good and the view from our seats was incredible. I loved Arizona but the site of the ocean waves rolling in at sunset was truly a wonder to behold. Conversation flowed easily. Mike asked me a lot of questions about Phoenix and my mom. He almost fell out of his chair when I told him the name of my mom's band.

"The Switch Hitters! Well that's clever. I must admit I'm surprised. I just wouldn't think you have a gay mother," Mike said, snickering.

"Why do you have an issue with gay people?" This would be a deal breaker.

"Oh no, definitely not, I was just surprised that's all. I'd like to meet her sometime," he said, his voice lowering. I gazed into his bright blue eyes.

"I'd like that," I replied, feeling my traitor cheeks blush.

Mike and Tyler insisted on getting the Kahlua sundae and Jessica and I only got about two bites each while the guys polished it off. Jessica sat back waiting for Tyler to pay their bill. I tried to pay for my dinner but Mike refused my money.

"Bella I asked you out. This is how dates work you know." He showed me his straight grin. He was so cute.

I nodded quickly and got up. Tyler and Jessica were already at the door.

Tyler pointed to the sky outside. "I know it's cold but it's not raining, we should walk on the beach."

We agreed and walked the block to the small driftwood log stairs leading down to the beach. I started to trip over a twig buried in the ground and I felt Mike's soft hands around my waist. My stomach clenched and the place he touched me tingled. I glanced at his open face and smiled.

"Thanks, I'm sure you've noticed but I'm a little clumsy."

"A little? I'd say you're more than a little clumsy darling," he chortled

His hands were still on my waist.

I bit my lip and looked away. "Should we risk this walk? I might take you down you know."

"I don't think I would mind that," he demurred.

Tyler and Jessica were far ahead of us looking for a spot to start a fire. The wind bit down on my nose and finger tips. I rubbed my hands together. Mike grabbed my hands and pulled be along.

"Let me keep those warm for you."

I was glad for the darkness. I'm sure my face was scarlet by now. We walked up to Tyler and Jessica and watched Tyler struggling with the matches. Mike got up and rearranged the logs into a pyramid. After a few minutes and more than a few cuss words the blue and green flames started licking the news papers. Instantly I was warmer. Mike sat next to me on the silky sand. Tyler and Jessica began to kiss on the other side of the fire. I dug my toe through the grains making an I.S. trying not to look at the obvious porno in progress across they way. Mike chuckled. He leaned forward and drew in the sand.

M.N. + I.S.

He encased it in a heart. He looked at me shyly. I saw his hand come up and felt it against my neck. His fingers lightly traced my hair line. His face slowly came towards me. I closed my eyes. His velvety lips pressed against mine tentatively. He backed away to look at me. My eyes burned with anticipation. I could taste his chocolate breath on my lips. He came forward again. His mouth pressed down against mine. I gasped and his tongue traced my bottom lip. He urged his tongue against mine. His hand tightened against my head. He broke away before me.

"I have been thinking about doing that since your first day at school," he admitted, his voice breathy.

"Is it what you expected?" I asked.

"Better, so much better. Bella, I really like you. You know that right?" he asked, his head cocked. The shadows of the fire flickered against his pale skin.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. "I know, me too."

He sighed in relief and placed his arm around me.

"So what time do you need to be home again?"

I lowered my voice to impersonate Charlie "Eleven and not a second later"

"That leaves us about another hour for you to tell me about this band of your mother's."

* * *

At some point while rounding Lake Crescent I stopped crying. I needed to pull it together at the very least because I needed to be professional during this meeting with our newest journalist. I needed to stop being so desperate for his attention. I shouldn't expect anything from him but what I already had. After all he hadn't changed in the past few years. I would just have to take the small fragments of affections as they came. That was my life; that was this marriage. Later I decided I would pick out a sexy outfit for when Mike came home. Surprise him. Maybe a French maid outfit or a school girl costume. He did have a thing for the "hit me baby one more time" look.

Pulling into Pegasus Coffee I spotted a small girl with carefully arranged black hair sitting in the window. I smoothed my black and white striped top and wiped the mascara from eyes. That was the best I could do. I walked into the coffee shop and approached the woman.

"Are you Alice Whitlock?"

"Yeah, are you Isabella Swan?" she asked, her dark honey eyes soft. She motioned to the empty seat in front of her.

"Bella, call me Bella." I sat down across from her. "Would you like a coffee? They make a mean chai tea here."

"Sure, with soy milk."

I walked to the counter and placed our orders. I looked at Alice. She seemed so nice. Her cork wedges were tapping along to the music. I got our drinks and sat back down with her.

"So how long have you been here?" I asked taking a drink from my mug

"Only a week. My husband Jasper has been here before or at least the state. He has family in Bellingham. I guess that's kind of far away though isn't it?"

"Yeah, kind of. It's a nice area if you don't mind the rain. The summers are unbelievable." My mind drifted to the last time Mike and I did something during the summer. Our life used to be filled with outdoor adventures and sensual camping trips. Not anymore. I blinked from my reverie. "So what does your husband do?"

Alice's face lit up. "Jasper's an author of inspirational books. His latest one is called 'You're worth it'. Have you seen it? It's on the bestsellers list."

"Wait, Jasper Whitlock! Yeah I've heard of him. I have his book 'Feel This Way' on my shelf at home. It's quite dog eared. My husband doesn't really like those kinds of books but I really love the way Jasper breaks it down so easily," I explained.

"So you're married? How long? You look so young." She looked me up and down. I smirked at her comment. She didn't seem that much older than me.

"It was four years on last Thursday. We were married right out of high school. He manages his parent's outdoor equipment store down in Forks."

She nodded at me and glanced out the window. "So tell me about the paper. Honestly it doesn't seem like the arts and lifestyle is that happening around here. Of course I'm coming from Biloxi. Slightly larger than the Olympic Peninsula"

"Yeah I imagine it is. Well we're a small paper. Only about fifteen staff members. I'm kind of the helper I guess you could say. Joey is the editor. He's nice I guess when he's not fighting with his wife. When that happens he's a bit of a screamer. As for happening things we have wealth of great northwest artists around here as well as a lot of aspiring musicians. You know with everyone wanting to be the next Jimi Hendrix or Kurt Cobain."

She laughed at that. "Yeah I've heard that. What about fashion? Any good places to go shopping?" she asked with a stern set of her eyes. This girl liked to shop.

"Well we have some stores around here, but nothing too fancy. If you want real nice stuff you'd need to go to Seattle or up to Canada. Victoria is only a two hour ferry ride away and it's really lovely."

She smiled at me. "I can tell we're going to be fast friends Bella. I just have the foresight for these things."

**

* * *

**

So there is my first chapter. I'm sorry for making Mike such a jerk. I really do like him. He's the only cannon character that would fit with this story. I'm a newbie so I'd love some constructive criticism. I am so grateful to everyone who read this.

**The song belongs to **

**Feist-** La Même Histoire

**Blink 182-First Date**

**No Doubt-Bathwater**

**Credit due to them.**

_**Translation:**_

_**We live on the day, the day**_

_**Our desires, our love**_

_**It goes without knowing**_

_**It is always**_

_**In the same old story**_


	2. Darling

**Warning: there is some violence in this chapter. **

_

* * *

_

Breathe in slowly now; darling don't lie to me,  
Inhale truth I plead for, you

_'__re my only hope,  
Don't lie, don't leave._

My minds set on failure with the road you chose  
Told me you loved me told me you...

**Darling**

That night I sat at the table wearing his favorite red negligee and a satin robe. Night fell heavy over our house and I was still waiting for Mike to come home. At seven he had sent me a text.

_I'll be home in twenty. Don't call._

As the clock struck nine I groaned as I got up and began cleaning the table. I felt so foolish to have put forth all the effort only to be left; once again, standing in my lingerie in a desolate room alone. I could handle being forgotten every other night but I needed him tonight. I needed him to sustain me through this pain. Just once he needed to come through….The dinner I spent so much time on taunted me from the table. With a growl I snuffed out the candles and carried the chicken enchiladas into the kitchen. I violently scraped the platter into the garbage.

_Never again, that selfish prick. Who does he think he is? That fucking bastard._

I slammed the dish into the sink with a crash. I grabbed the wine glasses and was walking to the sink when I heard Mike's feet in the walkway. I froze. The scrape of the key in the lock tore at my anger, ripping my fury open. He walked into the dining room and stopped at the sight of me.

"Hey Bells. Did you make dinner?" he asked.

"I _did. _I madechicken enchiladas," I replied. I strained to keep my voice level. My hand tightened around the wine glass stems.

"Hey, all right that's my favorite!"

"Where were you, Mike? You said twenty minutes and two hours later I was still waiting for you," I said, venom dripping from my voice.

"Jesus Christ Bella. I got caught up. Don't be such a bitch about it. Now if you don't mind I'm hungry so I'll just make myself something," Mike snapped.

"Oh, no allow me." I turned on my heels and ripped open the garbage can lid. I grabbed handfuls of the enchilada and stalked back to him. My vision was red and my arms swung back. The food left my hand and splattered across his shirt. His hands came out in front of him in protection.

"What the fuck Bella! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you being like this?"

"Why? You want to fucking know why?" I paused to pick up the wine glasses and with all my might threw them at his head. They skimmed his scalp as he ducked and the china shattered into a thousand little pieces against the striped wallpaper. A thousand little pieces of glass and pain. A thousand little pieces of abandonment and loss.

Mike came forward and gripped my arms tight in his fists. Pain exploded under my skin. "You crazy bitch, what the fuck are you doing? I'm a little late and you go all bat shit on me? You need to remember I can do whatever I damn well please and you will never pull this shit on me again?" he screamed in my face.

I slackened under his caustic touch. I sunk to my knees beneath him. Sobs racked my chest.

"It's just... I needed you. It's the day. It's June 28th. June 28th, Mike. I thought that would mean something to you?"

"Of course it does Bella. I know what today is I just thought…" he paused, his eyes spiteful. "I thought you had gotten over it by now. Baby, stop it. Get up and you can clean this up." His voice was softer but he was still mad. I relented and clamored to my feet. He put his hand out and I took it pulling myself to his chest. I cried into his stained shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Mike. I'm just so, so sorry. I don't know why I did that," I whispered into his shoulder. Mikes hands ran down my back and relaxed into him.

"God, Bella, do you see what you do to me? How crazy you make me? I don't want to yell like that but I can't help it when you act that way. You have no idea how much I need you. I love you so much it drives me crazy. I don't want to hurt you but you need to stop with this sob sister bullshit. It's been long enough." He said softly.

I looked up at him and nodded. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him fiercely. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. He stood stock still against my body. I needed him to understand how sorry I was. He needed to forgive me for my outburst. I shrugged the robe off my shoulders and let the satin slide down my body. I grabbed the hem of my nightgown and pulled it up. I pushed my naked body against him. Mike relented, pulling his shirt off and wrestling his pant to the ground. He grabbed me and pushed me against the table. I sat on the tabletop and he pushed his way into me. It was rough and hurt but I didn't say anything, I was grateful for his love no matter how he gave it. His hands unrelenting on my skin, he pulled my hair as he began to climax.

"You are mine. No one will love you like I will. I'm all you have Bella."

Mike and I were inseparable after our first date. He held my hand while walking me to my classes. We would study every night after school. Hike up the Kloshe Nanitch Trail near the Sol Duc River. We ventured down to Ocean Shores in the spring and rode dune buggies and bumper boats. He insisted on paying for everything. He took me to the Home Port and we shared a salmon and shrimp dinner. He made things easy. All summer long we had a wonderful time. When September came we were able get almost all our classes together. I threw myself into the school paper and wrote some hard hitting articles on eating disorders. Angela and I teamed up to do an exposé on binge drinking. Mike was homecoming king and Jessica was homecoming queen. I went to every football game he played in. In the winter he took me to Hurricane Ridge and taught me to snowboard. I wasn't very good but he was patient with me. Charlie eventually began to like him. They would watch Seahawks and Mariner games and raze the TV. For spring break I traveled with him family down to Kah-Nee-Ta in eastern Oregon and we sat by the pool all week drinking smoothies and going down the water slide. I adored his mom Liz. She and I could talk for hours at length. After dating for six months she began to joke about us getting married. It didn't seem so crazy. I was surprised how easily I fell in love with Mike. Being with him made me feel like I was someone worthwhile. Like I finally found my home.

We were sitting at the library trying to study for finals. I studied my trig problems and narrowed my eyes trying to make sense of the symbols in front of me. Beside me Mike pawed at my stomach distracting me. I shot him a look and looked pointedly at my book. He grinned at me and took my hip into his right hand. He pulled me to him until I was practically in his lap. Thank goodness for partitions. He kissed me hungrily. His tongue massaged mine and I could feel him hardening against my leg. His hand crept down my back settling on my ass. Too far, I couldn't do this. I pulled away.

"Mike not now, we're in public." I reminded him.

"Okay Bella, later." He said with a glimmer in his eyes. I looked down and bit my lip. I pulled myself back into my chair. I watched my hands clasp and release in front of me. Ebb and flow of nervous ticks.

"Mike, how far have you gone? With girls I mean. I know you dated Lauren and I just want to know how I stack up."

Mike stopped breathing for a moment. "Honestly, you know I've had sex. I had sex with Lauren as well as Janelle. It was a while ago. But Bella you have to know that there is no comparison. I really like you and I don't want to rush you."

Satisfied with his answer I agreed to leave. His warm hand led me to his car. I looked over at him and felt my stomach tingle. After over two months of dating we hadn't gotten far. A little on top of the clothes stuff in the back of his Nissan. Once he asked for a blow job and I refused. I gave him a hand job instead. I wasn't sure I was ready. Jessica and I had discussed sex. She said I would want to ease into. I knew that Mike would be a good person as my first. He was nice, he was cute and he really liked me. I liked him too. Deep down I knew we would stay together through school. It just made sense. There was no one I liked more at school. While Mike was driving I came to the conclusion that I would do it. I would surprise Mike on prom night. Driving back Mike began to sing off key. Always able to lift my spirits.

Angela and I picked out our dresses together. I found a dress in Vancouver. It fit my torso tightly and had a fringe skirt that went out at the hips. I knew I should go for a long dress but I worried about tripping. Angela picked out a one shoulder turquoise silk dress that made her look even more statuesque than normal. Prom night was as cheesy and fun as I imagined. We took a limo with Jessica and Tyler, Angela and Ben and Eric and Irina. We all went to dinner up in Port Angeles before going back to Forks High School. We could hear the music shaking the walls of the gym while we stood in line. Coming in Mike grabbed my hand and said "You, Miss Swan, need to dance with me."

_I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles  
In our eyes are mirror images and when  
We kiss they're perfectly aligned  
And I have to speculate that God himself  
Did make us into corresponding shapes like  
Puzzle pieces from the clay_

After dancing for several songs and most likely breaking one of Mike's toes we walked outside to get some fresh air. Sitting down at a picnic table Mike grabbed my hand and said "Bella, you look so wonderful tonight. You are a vision."

"Thanks, you've not so bad yourself Mr. Newton," I teased.

"Bella I just…" He paused, his cheeks flushed with color. "I've never said this before but you just look so perfect tonight and I just want you to hear something that reminds me of you. I just need you to know this._ My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free."_

I stared at him tears flowed into my eyes. "Oh Mike," I murmured.

"I love you Isabella Maria Swan."

"I love you too," I whispered. "Mike I'm ready. Can we do it tonight?"

His eyes widened and he grinned. "Yeah, of course, yeah. Wow, yeah. I'll go get the limo to drop us off"

That night Mike got us a room at the Forks Motel. Walking through the door I began to fidget with my silver shawl. I sat down on the bed and took off my silver sandals. I looked over at Mike. His back was to me as he adjusted the radio. I pulled my overnight bag out and found the nightgown I had ordered online with Jessica. It was knee length and pink satin, lace embellished the bust. It was a fairly conservative piece, yet to me it was horrifying.

"I'm going to freshen up," I mumbled, walking over to the bathroom.

Mike nodded while still looking at the radio. He must be nervous too. I struggled with the zipper on my dress. After wrestling for about two minutes I wriggled out of the dress. I pulled on the slip. The satin was cool and smooth against my skin. I looked at the mirror.

_You can do this Bella. You can do this._

I took out the pins in my hair. My head ached at the release. I shook out the curls. It was a good look. My hair didn't normally hold curls. I pondered washing off my makeup. I didn't want to get eyeliner on the pillow cases. I quickly washed my face wiping off the remnants of mascara. My hands felt shaky under the countertop as I began to fully appreciate the indissoluble choice I was making. I would never be the same girl after this. I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. As nervous as I was I didn't want Mike to see that. I opened the door and saw Mike sitting on the edge of the bed. His coat and tie was off and his shirt unbuttoned. His eyes took in my form.

"Bella, wow…. Um yeah, that's all I can say. Wow, I thought you looked beautiful in your dress but this is the most beautiful I've ever seen you," he proclaimed.

I felt my chest flush. "Thanks."

"Come sit by me gorgeous." He said, patting the space next to him.

I submitted. He held my hand for a moment. "Bella you don't have to do tonight. We can wait."

I shook my head. "No, Michael Newton. I want to do this."

He pondered me for a moment. "You know it will hurt right? The first time always hurts a little."

"I know I want to do this tonight. I love you. I want you."

Mike kissed me hard and groaned into my mouth.

"You don't know how good that sounds to me. You have no idea what you do to me."

His hand slid from my throat down the front of my chest. He looked at me warily. I nodded. His left hand moved over my peak and gently squeezed. I groaned. He traced my nipple with the pad of his finger. He began to kiss me harder. He eased me down on the bed and hovered over me. His mouth was nibbling down my throat, my collarbone. His hand slide down my torso over my stomach. He brushed his fingers over my pelvis. Suddenly his hands were testing my thighs. "Mike, you have to take your clothes off too you know."

He gave a throaty laugh. He sat up and slowly pulled off his shirt. I ran my hand over his lanky chest. Brushed the blond curly hairs with my fingers. I definitely wanted this. He stood up and started pulling his pants down. The hem of his left leg caught on his ankle and he came down onto the bed with an "oaf"

I began to laugh. "Mike, are you okay?"

He chuckled at me. "Yeah, nothing but a bruised ego. That's what I get for trying to be smooth." He kicked the pants off and they fell to the floor. "So much for the mood, huh?"

I laughed at him and he laid next to me. His hand held mine and he brought it up to his lips. Tentatively he kissed it. "Are you really sure, Bella?"

I placed my other hand on his cheek. "I'm ready Mike. I want you."

"I'll go slowly okay." He said, smiling. He rolled over to his bag. I watched him roll the condom on. He delicately slid between my thighs.

"I love you."

I stared into his eyes and replied, "me too, me too."

He pulled out and rolled over on his back. I closed my eyes and thought about how nice sex had been. Sure it hurt at first and but we had plenty of time to work on things from now on. We just seemed to fit together pretty well. I knew that it would feel better for me eventually. Mike sure seemed to enjoy it. I smiled wistfully to myself. Isabella Swan: Sex Goddess. It had a nice ring to it.

"Uh Bella," Mike interrupted "I think the condom broke."

I sat up with a shock. "What do you mean it broke? That couldn't have happened." He showed me the filmy wrapper. Sure enough there was a large tear in the side. My head swam with thoughts. What were we going to do?

"It's harder to get pregnant then you would think. I wouldn't worry about it. Come on lets go to sleep," he assured, lacing his arm around my waist.

He laid me back down and covered me with the caramel and purple comforter. Lying next to me he rubbed my arm. "Good night Bells." Moments later I heard him softly snore. I felt a knot in my throat. I grasped my stomach carefully. I knew. I knew it happened. Just like that.

**

* * *

**

I own a Budweiser table and a nudie girl painting (Okay so maybe both are the husband's but I own him)

**I don't own the characters Stephanie Meyer does**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**I need to show two things one that Mike and Bella did love each other very much. And how that love had changed over the years. **

**The quote Mike uses is from the amazing book ****Still Life with Woodpecker ****by Tom Robbins. If you haven't read it is a wonderful story. Very quirky. **

**Kah-Nee-Ta is a great resort. If you're ever near the Dalles I suggest you see it. Last time I went I saw wild horses.**

**The songs belong to **

**the Postal Service-Such Great Heights**

**Eyes set to Kill-Darling**

**Dresses are on my Polyvore account. Link in my bio. **


	3. Rotten Wood

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."  
—James Baldwin

**Rotten Wood**

* * *

A week later the phone rang while I was washing dishes.

"Newton residence," I answered while wiping my hands on a towel.

"Bella, its Alice. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

I glanced at the sink and chuckled. "Aside from an unholy amount of dirty dishes, you are not."

"Oh good. Listen, I hope this isn't too forward, but would you have lunch with me? It's just that I don't know anyone here and we seemed to click so well last week," she explained.

"Of course. I would love to. Hope about I meet you at that grill on the water. Say one?" I asked.

"Great, I'll see you then," Alice replied.

Alice and I sat at the table until three talking about our lives. I was surprised how easily it was to talk to. For a relative stranger it was if I had known her forever. It was great distraction from the monotony of my week. That night was treacherous and I still couldn't get my footing. The bruises on my arms were fading now to green. We hadn't been together since. He begged off every night saying that he was too busy at the store. I hoped that the night would bring us together but he was more distant than ever. I couldn't think about him without anxiety clutching my ribs, squeezing them tight. I wanted to have faith that we could get through this. I didn't know how to function without Mike there. I was his, no matter how you looked at it. He was all I knew.

Alice was full of energy and talked at length about her family back in Biloxi. I fought back the ire when her face brightened at mention of Jasper.

"Jasper and I met in psych 101. I could help but stare at him. He was so handsome with his honey blond curls and piercing hazel eyes. I was so surprised when he approached me on our first day and asked for my help on our research papers. I later found out he could have gotten an A in the class even if he never showed up. We began to study together and we just fell in love. I had never met anyone so charismatic. He just had a way of charming everyone. My parents loved him immediately. We were engaged only four months after meeting. After the wedding we moved back to San Marcos to finish college. Jasper's first book was published before we completed our junior year. After college we moved back to Biloxi to be closer to my family…" she paused, her eyes becoming watery. She wiped her eyes with the back of her French manicured hand.

"Alice, are you okay?" I handed her a napkin.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just a little hormonal. That's all," she whispered, as she chewed on her bottom lip and rung her hands together. "We couldn't have moved at a weirder time. Jasper and I are going through fertility treatments."

"Well that's exciting right? Have you shared this with your family?" I asked

"No we haven't told anyone. We've had some issues carrying to term. I've had two miscarriages in the past three years. We weren't going to tell anyone until I was finally pregnant and past my first trimester. It's just too hard to untell people. I've been through that far too many times," she mused, her eyes darted to the door and she sighed heavily. The silence between us stiff with anguish. I knew all too well what was going through her mind. She glanced back at me and seemed to try to compose herself. "God look at me. You poor thing. You don't even know me and I'm dumping all my problems on you. I'm not typically like this, I hope you know. I normally have it together."

We sat in silence for over two minutes. I opened my mouth to speak and then closed it. I barely knew this girl. Could I talk to her? I had been so starved for interaction lately—aside from Jean Enersen on the news in the morning. I could hear the Black Ball ferry in the boat haven. Alice was staring across the street at the snowboard shop. I held my hand out and patted her wrist tentatively. She looked up at me surprised and I gave her a small smile. "Alice, I was pregnant once too."

Alice smiled wistfully at me. "I didn't know you have kids. Where are their pictures?"

I glanced at the road counting how many people were out today. One man with a Columbia jacket, a woman walking her dog…When I got to seven, I sighed heavily. "I don't Alice. I lost the baby."

_'Cause I built you a home in my heart  
with rotten wood, it decayed from the start  
'Cause you can't find nothing at all  
if there was nothing there all along  
_

It was a grueling seven weeks after prom. We had finals to complete and the final edition of the newspaper. Graduation was closely approaching and Mom and Catherine would be coming up for the ceremony.

Worst of all is my period was late— very late. It was arduous—every day that past the time seemed longer, the weight of my mistake seemed larger. I knew that I should take a test by myself but I was far too chicken for that. I wanted it to work out without any assistance. I wanted to go back and stop myself. I cursed that night with its rose corsages and trite ballads. Most of all, I was angry at myself for stupidly avoiding the truth for so long. As much as I tried to tell myself there was no way I could be pregnant; I just knew. There was tenderness in my breasts; a yearning in my limbs. I could sense the heartbeat inside me. I knew it was too soon to feel anything, but nevertheless I could sense it.

"Man, that history test was a bitch, huh?" Mike joked with me.

I shrugged my shoulders and gazed down the hallway— the lockers painted Spartan yellow and the scuffed up linoleum. A weight pressed into my chest.

"What's the matter babe?"

"Mike, I need you to come to the store with me and then we need to go to your house," I whispered. He was hitting the schedule from our graduation rehearsal against his leg in a mock rhythm. I grabbed the paper from him. "I mean it, Mike."

"Okay, we'll go after school. What this about?" he asked, his eyes clouded with confusion

"I'll tell you later," I muttered stalking off to my creative writing class. I left Mike in the doorway his face dumbfounded.

When the bell rang Mike was standing outside the door. His brows furrowed in concern. "Are you ready babe? We can take my car."

I simply followed him and climbed into the front seat. The cab was quiet the whole ten minutes we drove. When we pulled into the parking lot, Mike turned off the car and turn towards me. I felt his hands grabbing my head and angling my face towards his. My body seemed so detached. "Bella, what is going on? You're kind of scaring me here."

"I need a pregnancy test, Mike," I stammered.

His breath went still. "Shit, really. Well…." He looked out the window at Erin Thomas walking by. I stared at the windshield and tried to focus on the grime.

"Well, why can't you just get it?"

"Because, Mike, I am scared shitless and I need you to help me. It would be your baby, you know," I said through gritted teeth.

"I know. I know that Bella," he whispered. He glanced around the parking lot that was slowly filling up. "Well…Okay. Um, I guess we should go then."

Nodding, I unbuckled and slid out of the car. My head seemed to weigh down my body. There goes journalism school— there goes getting out of Forks. My feet plodded in front of me—my thoughts were in that hotel room down the street.

Mike led down the aisle to the pharmacy. He grabbed the test and some soda. I looked around someone to see us. I was sure we'd get spotted. At this point all I needed was someone running to Charlie. He would know before I even got home. No one could keep a secret around here. Unnoticed by the geriatric customers we hustled to the self check out and raced through the purchase. Mike paid the bill. Walking through the parking lot I felt as if there was a sign over my head.

_Teenage mother here! Look at your teen mothers, while they last._

Mike silently drove us to his house. His parents were still at the store. They shouldn't be home for hours. Parking the car, he got out without me and went into the house leaving the door open. I followed him in silently. Sitting on a black leather stool at the coffee bar Mike was staring at his hands.

"What are we going to do if it's positive, Bella?" he asked

"I don't know, Mike. There are only three options."

"Two," he muttered.

"What?" I asked—my brows knitting together.

"I said, two. Bella, there are two options. No matter what, you are not getting rid of my baby," he affirmed quietly. I glanced out the window. There was a sparrow sitting on a branch of their pear tree. For the briefest moment I wanted to join the bird. To fly away from this, from Mike from my life. Fly away and never know this world. Where would I go? How could I leave this mess behind? I took the test out of the plastic bag. I started walking to the bathroom.

"Well let's get this over with then," I said to myself. Sitting on the toilet I took the test stick out and did my business. Placing the stick on the counter I read the instructions three times. It said, it took five minutes for results. Mine took one minute. One minute to confirm my suspicions. One minute for the floor to tilt beneath me and the air to become stagnant in my lungs. The large plus sign sat there taunting me.

"Shit,-shit- goddamn it to hell-fuck," I yelled.

Mike knocked on the door. He talked through the door. "I guess I know the answer, then."

I opened the door my eyes flooding with tears. I rushed to Mike, burying my face in his chest. "What am I going to do?"

"It's not what you are going to do. It's what are we going to do." His hands rubbed circles on my back. My chest shook with sobs against him. "This isn't just about you Bella. It's my baby too. I think we need to do the right thing. We're both adults. It's not the end of the world. We're going to graduate in a week. We'll just get married. I can stay here and work in the store and you can see if Joey will let you keep your job as his assistant at the paper. We can do this Bella."

I quieted and took two deep breaths. He was right—we were adults now. We would just get married. Charlie and Renee would be disappointed but I made my bed now; I would lie in it. Come right or wrong, this was what I had done to myself. I was the only one to blame for this shit storm.

"Was that your proposal?" I laughed.

"No I'll think of a nice proposal. Maybe at the graduation party?"

That week was a flurry of events. Mom and Catherine flew into SeaTac two days before graduation. Charlie and Renee hugged awkwardly and he shook Catherine's hand gruffly. I made a chicken pot pie for dinner and invited Mike over to meet the ladies. I knew Mike would charm them immediately. He shook their hands. Complimented them and asked a lot of questions about their ongoing tour. They were smitten. Cathy pulled me aside as I was washing dishes.

"That one's a keeper, let me tell ya what," she barked. "I just hope you're going off to college. Smart girl like you. You don't want to end up like Renee did— knocked up at nineteen. Can you imagine? Any who, nice job there, Izzy."

"Thanks," I mumbled into the dishwater. Knocked up at nineteen! Try eighteen, Cathy.

My mom approached me on Saturday and handed me a box. "Here sweetie, I wanted you to have a new outfit for graduation." I opened it. A red frilly blouse and khaki pencil skirt. I quickly put them on and modeled for her. Such a happy outfit, a hopeful outfit. A present full of promises that I would never fulfill.

"Oh Isabella, I am so proud of you. Graduating and then you're going to be a famous journalist. You are so special to me," she whispered into my hair as she hugged me deeply and I took in the smell of her. Honey and raspberries, I soaked in this last moment of being a child. Tonight Mike would propose and I would accept. Tomorrow I would be engaged. Tomorrow I would be stepping towards being a wife and mother. I would never be little Bella Swan anymore.

Charlie let Renee drive the cruiser to the school. I hiked up the hill to the bleachers my yellow robe and hat tucked under my arm. The sky was clear only a few wisps of cloud over the ocean. Jessica and I stood in line together. The march began too quickly. Eric made a speech about looking onward and upwards. Never forgetting these golden years we had at Forks High School. _Golden years, my ass_. They called my name and I followed Jessica on stage to accept my diploma. Song and dance group from La Push performed and it was over. We threw our caps in the air and stumbled around giving hugs and yelling. Mike finally found me, kissing me lightly and wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked.

"I have to be. It's the right path for us to take," I replied

At that point Charlie and Renee approached us and ushered me away.

"I'll see you at the party," I called back at him. I followed my parent off the field. Clambering into the back of the cruiser I tucked my chin into my knees. My mom eyes me apprehensively but didn't say a word. The whole ride Cathy talked about how to keep the purity of their music. I zoned out. In any other situation it would drove me crazy that she was once again controlling the conversation but today I welcomed it. When we got back home I hung up my gown and fixed my makeup.

My mom appeared in the door frame. "Bella is there something bothering you?" she asked her eyes dark with concern.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror fixing a stray hair. "I think it just feels a little odd, you know being done with school and all." I took a deep breath controlling the emotions raging through my chest. I turned to smile at her.

Her head cocked to the side assessing me. "Okay sweetie. Let me know if you need to talk. We'll be leaving in about ten for the Newton's." She stood there looking at me for another moment before slowly walking away.

I let out a huge gush of air. "Isabella Newton, nice to meet you."

I laughed a hallow sound. Grabbing my purse I started down the stairs.

The party was in full swing when we arrived. I helped myself to some stuffed mushrooms before finding Mike. He kissed my forehead. "We ready to face the music darling?"

"As ready as I'm going to be," I stated glumly.

Mike and I walked to the middle of the living room. Mike cleared his throat.

"Can I have everyone's attention. I have something I would like to say." He got down on one knee in front of me. I heard a collective gasp. "Bella, Will you marry me?"

"Yes, Mike, I'll marry you." I focused on Mike—on the blue of his eyes and the purity of his smile. I couldn't handle looking away at everyone else. I knew what they were thinking—and they'd be right.

Suddenly I felt Jessica and Angela hugging me and squealing. Tyler and Eric clapped Mike on the back. I put on my triumphant face and looked up to see our parents standing in the back their mouths open with shock. My mom and dad approached me with Liz and Tom. Tom leaned forward. "A word with you two please."

Hushed, we walked to the study where our parents were sitting down. The air was discomfited. Charlie was the first to speak. "So you two what's the deal? Are you pregnant?"

We froze. Of course it would be hashed over now, what did we really expect? Mike pulled his shoulders back. "Yes we are. We are going to get married and raise this baby the right way."

They gawked at us for a few moments. Liz was the first to speak. "Well at least you guys are doing the right thing. I'm sure we all wanted a little more time, but you get the cards you're dealt."

My mom looked at Charlie expectantly. "I guess we have a wedding to plan then."

With a sigh of relief we got up. The worst was over. Mike and I went up to his room and sat on the bed. He clicked his stereo on and we sat quietly as the music blared. I glanced over at Mike. I had just created my future.

It was decided that we would get married the next weekend at the court house. I didn't want Renee and Catherine to have to come back up in a matter of weeks. I didn't want to make a fuss over the wedding. I felt like there was enough attention focused on us for being the first couple from school to have a baby. So much for the great homecoming king...

Liz and my mom threw together a small function. Somehow in a matter of days a shotgun wedding was thrown together. We rented out Kalaloch Lodge for the reception. Angela helped me find a dress in Aberdeen. Everything was coming together without any help from me. That was just as well—I was so nervous about being a mother. I felt tired all the time and was throwing up at the most inopportune times. Mike and I had already picked out names, Hayden Andrew for a boy and Claire Grace for a girl. We found which furniture set we wanted at babies' r us and bought a small basinet.

Without any notice the day of the wedding was upon me. Angela and Jessica came over early to get me ready. I got my hair pinned to one side with a large broach and put on my veil. I ran to the bathroom to throw up one more time before putting my dress on. The satin and lace reminded me of the slip I wore the night I got pregnant. It seemed appropriate. We left the house and driving I took one last look at the house I had called home.

The ceremony went quickly, we didn't want elaborate vows. We kissed under the fake ivy arbor and were off the lodge. Driving down to Kalaloch, I had Mike pull over once so I could throw up. Thankful that I always carried my tooth brush, I cleaned up before we made our grand entrance. The lodge was tastefully decorated and the food went fast. The wedding wasn't as frightening as I thought it would be. I was content with the choice I made. Together Mike and I would create a happy life for our child. We would do the best with what we were given. I was happy in that moment, dancing under the sunset sky; the waves crashing against the pearl sand. I leaned against Mike's white lapel.

"I love you Mr. Newton."

"I love you Mrs. Newton."

After three days in Cannon Beach we returned to Fork to the small apartment we started renting. I needed move the boxes into the house while Mike was at work. While we were gone Charlie had come over with my mom and Catherine to assemble some baby furniture. I wouldn't see them until I had the baby. Plane tickets from Phoenix were expensive. After hours of sorting pictures and dishes I moved to the back bedroom. They had painted the walls a pale yellow and I began to hang the sheer white curtains. I was happy to begin to set up the room for the baby. I had decided it was a boy. I just knew it in my gut that I was carrying a little boy. I could picture him. He would be bald as a cue ball and have my brown eyes and Mike's chubby cheeks. Our little Hayden Andrew Newton. In the summers we would go down to the ocean and run around in the surf. Sledding at Hurricane Ridge. Our own little family. Maybe Mike and I would have more. A little sister for Hayden. I reached up to adjust the fabric when the cramp interrupted my reverie. I sat in my rocking chair and tried to get my breath.

My mom rushed to my side. "Bella? What's going on?"

"Um…"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah it's just a cramp it will…." I trailed off.

Pain rippled through me and I fell to my knees.

"Just a cramp…Just a…."

I felt the wetness pooling in my underwear. I curled up, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes. _Not now, don't do this now_. I pulled my body up and crawled to the bathroom. I hoisted my body up to stand in front of the mirror. My skin was ashen. I reached into my jeans and was met with liquid against my fingers. I pulled them out and gulped as I saw the scarlet. I was bleeding badly. I felt it soaking through my pants. I wrapped my arm around my middle and my vision went black as my body fell down, down, down into oblivion. As I fell down into the center of the earth where no one could find me. It was so dark, so cold as I fell. I couldn't feel the ground beneath my feet and the wind chilled my cheeks. A voice filtered through the darkness, the ebb and flow of tones, of cadence.

"Bella, no, no Bella, wake up. Please….My wife….My baby…..baby, baby…."

I didn't remember when Mike showed up at the house still wearing his orange vest. I couldn't remember the car. I couldn't remember the hospital waiting room. I woke up when the doctor came in and approached Mike and I. His hand was cold and wet from holding me. I clutched his hand so hard it throbbed. The doctor's face was drawn down in a vacant frown. I searched his eyes for something, anything to say that I was okay. That Hayden would be okay. My baby, my baby…..

"Mr. and Mrs. Newton, I'm sorry…." he started saying.

"No, no, stop, no…" I cried. The silence between us was palpable. I sobbed mutedly, my shoulders shaking the bed.

"What was it?" Mike asked his voice low.

The doctor paused as he assessed us. "It's a little too soon to tell, but if I was to make a guess I would say a boy."

A boy, my baby, my little boy, my son…

The doctor looked away as his voice droned on about possible reasons, the D&C and the grief program at the hospital. I shut down and closed my eyes. Shut out the sterile room and the doctor's wooden words. I couldn't even feel Mike next to me anymore. I could hear anything, feel anything anymore. Our baby, my baby, my little Hayden, my heart, my life….

Mike's fingers slipped out of my hand as I lurched into the midnight of my world— the new moon of my life. I couldn't even try to hold on, I had nothing left to grasp on to.

**

* * *

**

A/N: Sorry for making this so sad. It's going to get worst from here. I tried to get the information on miscarriages correct. If not I am sorry. For the record one of my best friends was a mother in her teens. Teen mothers can be great mothers as much a thirty five year old. Bella just didn't plan on this pregnancy. I don't want to say if abortion is okay or not. In this story it doesn't happen.

**Credit is due to the following**

**Death Cab for Cutie-Crooked Teeth (Another NW band)**

**Reviews are as good as satin wedding dresses.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Thank you Laura Cullen for being super speedy! **

**And thank you to Blackjacklily for being my constant support when writing makes me a little crazy.**


	4. Steel Beliefs

_You with your silky words  
And your eyes of green and blue  
You with your steel beliefs  
That don't match anything you do  
It was so much easier before you became you…  
_

**Your Steel Beliefs**

Alice was quiet as I recounted my story. We started walking along the waterfront perusing the stores. Her eyes filled with empathy. "So, have you and Mike tried since then?" she asked.

I nodded at her. "We've haven't been able to get pregnant since. The doctor says it's my progesterone. We don't really have the money to try any treatments." Wiping my eye, I laughed to myself. "Here you were worried about dumping issues on me and I start blubbering like a child."

"Bella honestly it's just nice to talk to someone who has been through it. There are so many people who just don't understand how heartbreaking it can be. _Just keep practicing_, they say."

"Or how about 'stop trying?'" I joked cynically

"Go on vacation! Two mai tais in Hawaii is all it takes," she quipped.

"Maybe it's just not your time." I shook my head at her. "Can't count how many times I've heard that one."

"I know! Ugh, that whole 'God has a plan' bullshit. I am so sick of hearing that. How do they know what God has planned? Nothing has ever made me question my faith more than this. I deserve a baby and I can't have one? Why would that happen?" she asked vehemently, her eyes bright.

I nodded at her anger. I understood so well how she felt. How every time you see a baby, your heart splits into two pieces. How hard the due date is to face every year. You picture the birthday parties that will never be. The vacations you'll never take; the family you'll never have.

"So how did your husband take it? I know Jasper and I started going to a counselor to smooth out the rough patches."

I stopped walking, that was the worst part of it all. Mike didn't take it. He refused to talk about it. He pulled away and I was left in desolation alone. Hesitating I shrugged my shoulders. "Mike just said maybe it wasn't meant to be. We left it at that. I saw a psychologist by myself. We can't afford to see a fertility doctor, so everything is up in the air now. Any way he work so much I don't think I'm get pregnant even if I was a fertile myrtle."

"That's tough, Bella," Alice whispered.

"You know what the hardest part is. When a friend gets pregnant. My friend Jessica got pregnant from a one night stand. She doesn't even know who the father is. Here I am, taking my temperature every morning and she gets pregnant from sex in an alley..." I glanced at her and shook my head in embarrassment. "Sorry I sound bitter don't I?"

"No, not at all. You sound like me. We can be bitter Betty's together."

Alice glanced at her watch and shrieked. "Oh my God, Bella, I'm so sorry I have to get going. I told Jasper I would be home over an hour ago and it's still quite a drive to the house. You have my number, call me whenever you'd like." She grasped my hand gently. "Bella, thank you. I know we don't know each other very well but…I just really need a friend like you. God that sounds so needy, doesn't it?"

"No, Alice, it sounds just right. I need a friend like you," I replied. She leaned forward and kissed my cheek before running off toward her yellow Porsche.

I arrived back in Forks forty minutes later. Running to the grocery store I picked up the ingredients for steak and potatoes, Mikes favorite. I was going to stop by Outfitter again. Maybe I would persuade him with the promise of a home cooked meal. I went home and changed into Mike's favorite sundress, a red and white checkered dress with a low sweetheart neckline. Grabbing my white sweater I drove back to the store. Nirvana rocking me from the speakers.

_She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak  
I've been locked inside your Heart Shaped box, for weeks  
I've been drawn into your magnet tar pit trap  
I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black_

I parked the truck on the side of the building and turned down the stereo. I reapplied my lip gloss and climbed out of the cab. I walked through the door and greeted Chloe again. Her eyes became dark and frenzied at me as I walked by.

"Mrs. Newton, um Mike is really busy right now. You know the entire inventory. He asked not to be disturbed right now."

I smirked at her. "Chloe, I'm his wife. I'm sure if anyone can interrupt him, it's me."

"It really isn't a good idea to disturb him now. Please don't go back there," I heard her sputtering behind me as I turn the knob to Mike's office door.

It took my eyes a minute to process the scene before me. Mike was sitting on the couch. He had his eyes closed, a smile teasing on his lips. His arm was slung over the back of the couch his other hand rested on the familiar hulk of unruly hair bobbing between his legs. My body stilled and my breath hitched in my chest. The room spun around me. I was dreaming, because there was no way that this was happening. It was impossible, a chimera, an illusion. I should be anywhere but here. I couldn't be seeing this right now. My husband and…Mike and my best friend— Jessica who helped me get ready on my wedding day—Jessica who held my hand in the hospital when I lost the baby.

I gasped loudly and they froze. Mike eyes widened at me and he cleared his throat. Jessica jumped up; wiping her mouth and adjusting her low tank top. I turned on my heels and began to run away, pushing past the customers buying rain jackets and hiking boots. Mike was zipping up his pants while running after me.

"Bella wait. It's not what you think. Jessica just stopped by and uh…"

I turned around in the fishing pole aisle, glowering at him. "What I think, Mike. Of course that's what I think. That's what I know," I shrieked. The customers in the store froze, staring at us in transfixed horror.

I pointed my finger at him and sucked in a deep breath. "Here I am buying you steak dinner and you're getting your dick sucked by my best friend."

I glared at Jessica standing in the doorway of the office. Her face was frozen in fear. "What kind of woman are you? You were supposed to be my friend—my best friend. That I could count on through anything!" I was on the verge of hysterics by now, my voice raising an octave higher.

"You're pregnant, you're going to be a mother and you are sleeping with a married man." They looked at each other out of the corners of their eyes.

I froze as the truth crept in slowly. The realization trickling through my veins like poison. "It's your baby, isn't it?" I whispered. How could I have been so stupid, always the fool? All these years, all those times…

"Isn't it!" I screeched.

Mike looked down on the floor. I got my answer from him. My face was soggy from the stream of tears. "Fine, you know what I'm done. I'm done waking up to an empty bed, I'm done making dinners you never come to eat. I am done with you ignoring me when I cry over the miscarriage. I am done with this shit! I am done with this marriage. I am so fucking done with _you,_ Michael. You should stay here. You're not welcome at the house."

I ran out of the store and stopped short in front of the Suburban. It shiny paint and unblemished metal mocking me.

_Never good enough for him, never shiny enough for him, never new enough. _

I would never be enough for him. I'd always be flawed and weak. My crimson sight powered me as I took my white pump off. The leather was cool in my hand and I gripped it firmly before bring the heel down on the windshield.

One for my truck. Smash.

One for all those cold nights. Smash.

One for my bruised arms. Smash.

One for our joke of a wedding. Smash.

One for our baby. Smash.

One for all my trust. Smash.

All my love, all my world.

A spider web formed in the middle. I grabbed my keys out of my purse. As fast as I could, I scratched the words "Little Bitch" across the driver side. I moved to the passenger side and carved "Mike's whore". The screech of metal against metal fueled my anger. Satisfied with my work I got in my car and pulled out the cell phone. Without thinking, I dialed the last number I could recall.

Alice picked up on the second ring.

"Hello?" she chimed.

"Alice, its Bella. I know that we just met but I need some where to go." Anguish coated my voice.

"Bella, what is it?"

"Can I come over?" I asked.

"Of course Bella."

I was surprised I could focus enough to write the directions she gave me, down on the napkin I fished out of my glove box.

"I'll see you soon," she paused. "Drive safe Bella."

My thoughts were so cloudy. I recalled over and over in my head the scene from the store. Just like a song I was on fire.

_My eyes are burning in my head/and seeing only red/and wishing you were dead. /Is this love?.../Or should I/Should I close the door? /Should I close the door? Ah, I fooled myself. _

I found my way to the house easily. It overlooked Neah Bay. The house was large and dark green. White shutters flanked the windows. The wraparound porch held a large swing. It was a house I always dreamed of. Dreams that would never come true. Dreams that echoed dim memories of what would never be. I pulled into the driveway and let my truck die. I felt so foolish coming up here. I was such a fool to trust Jessica. I was such a fool to love Mike. Always their fool, always their pawn.

Alice appeared in the doorway. She crossed the large lawn and pulled open my door.

"Jesus Christ, Bella, what happened to you? You need to come inside. You can tell me what happened." She pulled me down from the cab and grasped my waist. Her head came to my shoulders without my shoes on. I left the pumps in the parking lot. I allowed her to lead me into the open foyer. I spotted her husband in the kitchen to my left. I sluggishly sat on the creamy leather couch.

"I'm so sorry for just coming up here. You don't even know me. I just didn't know where to go. I can't go back to Forks," I sobbed. Jasper came to stand beside Alice as she crouched at my knees. Alice rubbed my hands.

"Bella, what happened?"

"Mike he…he is sleeping with Jessica. My best friend. She was my maid of honor. I caught her going down on him on that disgusting Aztec print couch in his office. It was three in the afternoon and he's getting a blowjob from my best friend."

"What! But…Oh, what a jackass."

"That's not the worst part— they're…. they're going to have a baby. He is going to have a baby."

Alice's breath caught in her throat. Our conversation only hours before seemed so prophetic now. She rubbed my hands again and leaned her head down towards me.

"Bella, you can stay here as long as you would like. We have an extra room and I will come with you to get your stuff for your house. I went through this before I met Jasper. I'll stay with you the whole time in Forks. I'll even help you find a new place to live." Alice cooed as she eyed Jasper.

I smiled through my tears. "Thank you so much Alice…Jasper. This a crummy way to meet me, I'm sure."

Jasper laughed. "Trust me, I've seen worst."

Alice led me down the hall and opened the door to a large bright room. The daybed had a white lace spread. There was a picture of hydrangeas on the wall. "You can us this room while we find a place for you to live."

I turned to Alice. I pulled her towards me and hugged her roughly. "Thank you, Alice you don't know what this means to me."

Weeks went by. Alice ran down to Forks and got me some clothes and my toiletries. I met with an attorney and filed for divorce citing infidelity. Mike had sixty days to respond. My voice mail box was full of messages from Mike and Jessica. Charlie called me.

"Bella, it's Dad again. Mike said you two got in a fight and you took off. I just wanted to see if you're okay. I'm sure you and Mike will work things out. He's a good guy. Call me back Bells."

"Bella, it's Dad again. Just ah..checking on things. Call me."

"Bella, I know something is up. Call your father before he has a heart attack."

I didn't call him back. What would I tell him? That I was humiliated? That because I couldn't bear children, Mike found a replacement. That I placed my trust in the wrong people. The signs were there for so long— he was never home, he and I fought all the time, that dinner, all those lonely nights... I was so stupid to think I could trust him. So stupid to even care. What was there for me now? What kind of life had I built for myself?

I went to work as usual. The paper was the one thing that was mine. There was nothing about Mike there. I busied myself researching information for the reporters. I got coffee and ordered lunch. During my lunch break Alice and I looked for apartments in my budget. I had a sizeable saving stowed away from my grandfather's estate. I never wanted to use it, but I had a feeling I might have to. Every day I woke up and attempted to live. I was a marionette in my own life. Posing and nodding, but always being pulled by an outside force. I was no longer myself. I was a whisper of a person. I didn't have the strength to be more.

After over a month Alice and I found a small place in Port Angeles. The rent was cheap and it was near a small grocery store and coffee shop. The paper was a ten minute drive as opposed to forty minutes. I took all the items Alice had recovered from Forks in the apartment. I was missing a lot of things. After some needling, I agreed to go home to collect my belongings. Alice drove Jasper's large truck with a small u-haul hitched to the back down to Forks. We sat talking about issues with the paper. Crossing over the Sol Duc, Alice plugged in her iPod to the radio.

_As for now I'm going to hear the saddest songs,  
and sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.  
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out._She quickly switched songs shooting me an apologetic look. "Sorry, the radio has an awful sense of humor I guess."

She fiddled with the knobs for a moment before switching the radio off. Under my breath I began to hum, distracted by the encroaching limits of Forks.

_End is the only part of the word  
that I heard.  
Call me morbid or absurd.  
But to me, coming from you,  
Friend is a four letter word._

Alice pulled in front the small ranch house I used to call home. I was shocked to see the place looked the same. The rose bush still bloomed under the windows and the roof still sagged in the middle a little. Shouldn't the frame have fallen down? I don't have any ground to walk on and the foundation held strong.

Alice turned off the key. "Are you ready Bella? Mike should still be at work. I'll be right here the whole time."

I climbed out of the truck and started down the walkway. The cobble stones made the same clunking under my shoes. I pushed the door open and walked into the living room. Alice walked in behind me assessing our home. The TV was on, an episode of a silly sitcom on. Jessica sat curled up on the couch, on _my_ couch. Alice slammed the front door and Jessica stood up with a start.

"Bella, hi. I didn't expect you." She stuttered. She stood there in Mike's shirt from Las Vegas. The Stratosphere stretched taut against her bulging middle.

"Obviously," Alice muttered—looking Jessica up and down in disgust.

I snorted at her. I tried to sound harsh but my voice was flat, dead under my words. "Me Jessica? You didn't expect me. This is still my house you know. For the next forty days Mike is still my husband. I guess that doesn't matter to you though does it?"

I felt Alice stand beside me, grabbing my hand gently. Showing Jessica I wasn't completely alone, not that it mattered. Jessica was the one who had Mike; she had the baby, my life.

Jessica opened and shut her mouth repeatedly. She looked like a drowning fish. "No, it's not like that Bella. We fell in love. It just happened. I didn't want to hurt you. It just happened."

"Well, that's just great for you. How long have you been going on like this? After I lost the baby or did you wait a few months?" I held up my hand to her. "Never mind, I don't want to know. Now if you'll excuse us I need to get my belongings." I turned to walk away and heard Jessica move towards me.

"Bella, wait. I don't want this to be the end of our friendship," she cried.

Alice's eyes flashed and she stood in between us. I turned to her, my body was so tired. I was just so tired of it. I didn't even have the energy to fight anymore. I just wanted to curl up and close my eyes. Alice stepped closer to Jessica. Even in stilettos she only came up to Jessica's collarbone. Nevertheless, Jessica stepped back in fear.

"Well, you should have thought of that before you opened your legs, you little slut. Now get the _fuck_ out of Bella's house, before I make you."

Jessica looked at Alice challenging her with her eyes. Alice stood her ground. After a long moment of glaring at each other Jessica huffed out of the house leaving the door open. I sunk into the couch. I felt Alice slide next to me. "You did great Bella. I'm right here. Let's get all your stuff and then you'll never have to come back here again." She paused and gazed out the window. "Like they say; _Every betrayal contains a perfect moment, a coin stamped heads or tails with salvation on the other side_. We'll get through this Bella. I'll help you." She murmured under her breath.

Rolling my eyes I pulled myself off the couch and looked around the messy room. Mike obviously couldn't keep up the housework. One more thing he would be missing from me. Alice began to go through the DVD's picking out all the ones that were mine. I sighed. This will take a while. At least when we finished I could go my own way. Let go of Mike. I had to hope that I could.

**

* * *

**

A/N: Ah the angst it's so hard. This was a hard chapter to get through. Now hopefully Bella can get on with her life. It's not always so easy though.

**The "little bitch" is a tribute to the Cam Gigandet. Extra points to whoever can name what show it's from. **

**Sheryl Crow-Anything but Down**

**Nirvana-Heart shaped box (You had to know that was coming)**

**Cake- Is this Love **

**Cake- Friend is four letter word**

**Dashboard Confessionals-Screaming infidelity**

**The quote Alice uses is from Barbara Kingsolver's ****Poisonwood Bible**** another fantastic story.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


	5. Fall Back Crutch

_There's no light without a flame,  
There's no use in having you to blame.  
There's no smoke without fire.  
Baby, baby you're a liar._

**Fall Back Crutch**

I would wake up every morning and reach for the opposite of the bed reaching for Mike; every morning I would be clutching my pillow. I tried to live like I was okay.

I bought furniture for the apartment. Mosquito net to hang over my bed, Indian print pillow for the couch, cream and black zebra print sheets. Things Mike wouldn't let me have in our home in Forks. Hopeful things, items that held promises. I had placed my wedding band and half carat solitaire in my jewelry box.

By September I was trying to fill up my schedule with as much work as I could handle. I was working overtime at acting like a functioning adult. It was exhausting. Days passed like a haze. I found myself walking into room and forgetting why I was there. I slept on the loveseat in front of the television, reruns of Dawson's Creek playing. I never liked TV but suddenly it was all I wanted to do. My phone would ring but I never answered it.

Charlie and I went out for Chinese once a week. He was upset I wasn't living closer but I told him how hard it was for me. Sitting at Golden Gate my dad asked me about Mike. Nibbling on an egg roll I snuck a glance at the exit door. "So I filed for divorce yesterday."

"Did you now? So this separation is going to be permanent then?"

I nodded as he eyed me. I knew he wanted a more detailed description but I wasn't sure how to say the words. Regardless I knew that he needed to know. "Dad, I know you'd like to know why I left Mike, but I don't know how to talk about it right now."

Charlie grumbled for a moment. "He cheated didn't he? I've been seeing him around town with Jessica for while now and they looked too chummy if you ask me."

I sighed. I didn't want to have this conversation with my father. Specifically because he carried a deadly weapon at all times. I sucked a deep breath into my lungs. "Yeah Dad, I caught them in the act last June. That's why I ran away and stayed Alice and Jasper for a few weeks…..She's having his baby," I whispered. I wasn't sure I said it loud enough for Charlie to hear it.

Charlie's eyes widened. "What!" he screeched, his face twisted with rage. "How could he do this to you? I'll kill the son of a bitch. I'm going to stomp on his head."

"Dad, stop it. There is nothing that can be done about this. He's gone and I'm alone..." I trailed off. "Anyways I already smashed his window and keyed his car."

Charlie calmed slightly. He raised his eyebrow and a smile played on his lips. "You keyed his car? Well I didn't know you had it in you, Bells. My daughter is a delinquent."

"Yeah well, I had a break down. I'm surprised you didn't hear about it. I was waiting to be arrested for vandalism for weeks. Having your heart broken will do that to you. You're not mad are you?" I asked sheepishly.

"Mad, hell I'm thrilled. That little ass wipe cheated on you and all you did was a little keying. I only wish you would have broken his nose. Now that he would have deserved," he said chuckling. I could see the scene playing before his eyes. He laughed again. "That would have been good."

I smiled at him. "I'm glad I amuse you."

"Bella are you okay? Really?" Charlie asked.

"Dad, yes, I'll be fine. I've been keeping myself busy and I like having my own space," I replied nonchalantly.

"Isabella Marie, I know you better than that. You are miserable, you've started smoking and you've lost more weight than is healthy. This isn't fine. You don't have to pretend for me. I'm your father. "

He paused and appraised my appearance for a moment. I stopped wearing makeup when I found out. My hair hung in stringy clumps on the side of my head. My nails were bit down to the quick. I had pulled on a black concert tee and a pair of loose jeans. I had lost ten pounds since June. Alice joked that everyone should be so lucky to react that way to grief. I didn't like it though. I like my curves. Mike always made comments how attractive thin models and actresses were. I certain never thought I would look like them, until now. My hips were angular and my collarbone jutted out. I had immutable dark circles around my eyes.

I couldn't sleep since I found them together. Every night as I would drift off the same image would flash before me. His arm slung so casually over the couch. The shock of hair moving up and down. I had taken up smoking again. I hadn't done that since right after I lost the baby. It was filthy and stunk but it calmed my nerves. Mike hated smoking and always complained when I would sneak drags at parties. Screw him and the fucking high horse he came in on. I was going to do whatever I pleased.

Charlie wasn't going to let this go so easily. I thought I was doing an okay joy seeming normal.

"Honestly, I don't know what I feel. I don't know who I am without Mike. I had this idea of how our life would go. After we lost the baby we disconnected. Afterwards I felt like Mike was the only thing holding me together. I couldn't breathe without him. I clung to the idea that we could be right again. He pulled away and started grasping for him. I don't know what I'm going to do without him."

"You know when your mother left me I was so upset…"

"Dad, I don't want to compare this to Mom. I know how cut up you were but I just can't…"

Charlie got up and walked around the booth. His tender arm wrapped around my shoulder and my head buried in his collar. He rubbed my arm. "Oh Bella, we'll get through this. I'm right here and we'll get through this."

Returning to my small third floor apartment I laid my keys on the coffee table and walked to the kitchen. I rummaged around the fridge for some lemonade. I thought about Charlie, his being proud of me for scratching up the Suburban. That really threw me off. Of course if he was going to look the other way when someone broke the law, it would be for me. I giggled to myself at the idea of Mike reporting the crime to Charlie. I'm sure that would have gone over real well. Mike probably had to go all the way down to Aberdeen to get it fixed. The reprieve wasn't as rewarding as I thought it would be. I still felt empty. I hummed to myself as I started loading the dishwasher.

_I am still dreaming of your face_

_Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away_

_I don't want to be your good time_

_I don't want to be your fall-back crutch anymore _

How true that felt, hungry and hallow. The plate I was scrubbing fell into the sink with a low thud and I gripped the counter top for support. Walking to the kitchen table with shaky legs, I pulled the chair out and sat down. My hand seized my chest and I felt the ripples of pain through my heart. The shock of it pulled me under.

"Why, Mike. Why me. Why did you have to pick me? Why did I trust you? Why, why? We could have been happy, if you would have let me," I pleaded to the window. I laid my head on the wood and let the anguish take me down.

As always my left hand felt heavy from my phantom wedding ring. Like every other day I fingered the pale indent of skin. If only it was so easy to remove the bauble and to forget. The notch would always be there, the score always cutting into my chest. That talk with Charlie opened up my chest to the heart break. I tried to go through my life as if I wasn't hurt. Only I was hurt, I had been irretrievably broken. My breaths weren't my own. My head swam with the images of Mike. Our wedding, drawing our initials in the sand, the way he would place his lips against my neck. I could smell his musky shampoo and the stiff carhartt's he wore when he would work on the car. It was little things that taunted me now. The way his shoes would always trip me in the doorway or the way he would sing Black Sabbath songs when he was bored.

I didn't want this. I wanted to forget, to fly away. I thought back on that little sparrow. So long ago, I imagined myself opening up those wings and joining the host, flying through the murky sky. Soar away to never return. A knock on my door interrupted my trance. Annoyed at the idea of my father checking on me yet again I opened the door.

"Dad I'm fine."

I groaned outwardly. It wasn't my Dad. It was worse, so much worse. Angela and Alice stood on the stoop. I huffed loudly staring at them. I rolled my eyes and turned on my heels to walk back into the living room, pulling a striped chenille blanket around me. They followed me into the room silently. I watched them evaluate my destruction. Bowls of cereal piles up on the table and half drank cups of coffee littered the floor. I should have been embarrassed but I couldn't even fester up enough emotion for that. Alice eyed Angela pointedly. Angela sat down by me and patted my knee.

"Sweetie would you like some tea while Alice and I clean things up?"

I shrugged. "Knock yourself out. I'll just be sitting here like every other day. Wallowing."

Angela gave me a small smile and sauntered into the kitchen. Alice stood in front of me. One hand firmly on a hip the other pointing at me. Her eyes were stern.

"Okay that's it drama queen. You need to get your ass off the couch and go take a shower. I love you darling but you stink to high heaven. I can't have a conversation with you when you smell like death. I won't hear no. Just do it and then we'll get your shit sorted out."

Stunned I sulked to the bathroom and took off my clothes. There was a huge spaghetti stain on my shirt. I tried to remember when I last had spaghetti. I couldn't even remember. Begrudgingly I admitted that Alice was right— I did smell. I had crossed the line about two days before. I brushed the tangles out of my greasy hair and turned the water on. The warm spray pelted my back and I leaned back to soak my hair. I squeezed some strawberry shampoo into my hair and lathered it up. I rinsed and then washed again. I scrubbed with my new peppermint body wash until I was pink. The hard pelting of the spray felt good on my skin. After a few minutes I got out and wrapped a towel around my body. I looked in the mirror. My skin was sallow and my shoulders too bony. I couldn't look anymore. I didn't want to face what I had become. I resembled a zombie from those movies that Jessica loved. Jessica…that bitch.

I walked to my room and quickly put on some clean jeans and a charcoal scoop neck tee. Running my finger through my dripping hair I ambled into the living room. In the fifteen minute I was gone, Angela and Alice cleaned the whole place. They even unloaded the dishwasher for me. I could see that their skills were impressive but I couldn't even try to form a smile or compliment at their efforts. Numb, I sat in my rocking chair. Angela walked over and handed me a mug of lemon tea.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "So what's the purpose of this visit? I'm assuming you're not starting a maid service."

Angela smiled with warm eyes. "Oh you know…We just wanted to visit and see how you've been."

"I'm fine, I'm super," I replied with a frown.

"Cut the shit B. I've been so worried about you. You never called me back. I felt awful when I heard about Jessica and Mike. I swear, I didn't know until after you left. I could smack her for doing that to you. She was supposed to be your friend and she betrays you like that. It's heinous. I kept trying to call but you never responded. I finally got a hold of Alice and we decided to come see you," Angela said.

Alice sat down across from me. "Bella this is an intervention. You can't sit around all day and let your life slip away. You are stronger than that. Mike cheated on you. He's the one who should be suffering not you. You did nothing wrong."

Angela nodded behind her. I opened my mouth, closed it. How could I risk the words? Why did it feel like the world would crash down if they were spoken out loud? I hesitated as they watched me with soft worried eyes.

"Then why do I feel like the failure? Why do I keep thinking about all the things I could have done to stop it? Maybe if I was thinner…maybe if I was made more money?"

"Bella, that's not why it happened," Alice said.

"Well, what am I supposed to think about it? She's having his baby. She's due on Halloween. I can't have a baby. I couldn't give that to him. Of course he would do that. They are having a baby and I am alone," I cried, my voice broke with sobs that racked my chest.

Angela leaned down and hugged me fiercely. "We have an idea."

"You won't be spending too much money. We're not going to let you say no to this," Alice chimed in.

I looked from the short dark spiky haired woman to the soft honey brown haired woman's face. "Okay what is this idea?"

Alice started pulling paper out of her Kate Spade bag. "So, just think of this as the ultimate birthday present, okay? You'll need to bring a lot of spending money. I'll take care of your ticket to get there. I don't want you to buy a ticket to come back. I'll cover the hotels. I know of a girl down at the coffee shop who will take over your lease here, until you get back. I mean you will have an empty bedroom. She'll let you stay here when you get back until you can find another place. I already got you a storage unit."

I held my hand out. "Alice it sound like you have it all planned out but you still haven't told me what we are doing."

"I have some friends from college traveling through in Europe right now. You remember me talking about Emmett and Rosalie right? From Chicago remember?" Angela spoke up.

Confused I nodded. Angela rushed on. "Well Alice, you and I are going to meet them in Athens and from there were going to visit some islands. It will be an open ended trip for you. I have to come back after three weeks and Alice will return after a month. You can stay as long as you need to."

"Wait, so you guy are trying to drag me to Greece?" I sputtered. "No way. I am not leaving. That is a stupid crazy idea. I need to try to get my life together here. Running away from my problems won't fix them."

"Oh yeah Bella, because you are really fixing thing right now. You're apparently coping real well. You don't leave the house, except to go to work. Your place was trashed and you had six melted tubs of ice cream in the fridge. You really have it together right now," Alice retorted.

I stood there shocked. What kind of friends were they? I was doing the best I could. How dare they try to swoop in and fix me? Maybe I wanted to be miserable?

"Say what you will I'm still not going. It's crazy and stupid and unnecessary. Besides what about you guys? Don't you have lives? Husbands? Jobs? Why would you do that for me?" I asked.

"You're not the only one with issues. I'm not pregnant and I need to take a break from the hormone treatments. I can't take any more hot flashes. Jasper understands. I need this vacation too." Alice handed me the itinerary. "We leave on the 25th. That gives you a week to pack. I already told Joey you'd be taking a leave of absence. Let him get his own damn coffee. So we'll let you get started." Alice and Angela stood up and started for the door.

"Wait, I didn't say yes," I yelled at their retreating forms.

"No, but you're going to. I told you B, I can see these things," Alice reminded me with a raised eyebrow and infuriating smirk. I nodded at her, relenting. There was no use in arguing with Alice.

"Fine, but I'm not having fun."

"of course not, sweetie," Alice chimed.

Angela strolled back to rub my arms tenderly. "This is going to be great. Just you wait."

After they left I plodded to my room, sitting on the edge of my bed. What kind of crazy idea was this? How could leaving the country fix any of my problems? I laid back and stared at the popcorn ceiling. Then again, what could it hurt?

After rushing between the flights from New York to Barcelona, we boarded Iberia jet. Settling into our seats I pulled my iPod out and put the ear buds in. I watched the Atlantic shimmer beneath us before I got lost in the clouds.

_It is a long, long way to February  
Where the ocean meets the sun  
Got me wondering' is this necessary  
When we've only just begun  
This is the last time I love and let love_I watched Alice sleep next to me for a moment. She was so sure of her life, of her love with Jasper. It was painful to watch them together. Jasper was so sweet towards her. They talked every day. They genuinely loved one another and didn't hide it for any one.

It seemed like different life, I could scarcely remember when I had that. There was a point that I had loved Mike with everything I had. I gave him my love; I took the risk for him. After we lost the baby, I was lost. I drifted through my world with no direction or purpose except to be his wife. There was a part of me that loved that baby that could never belong to Mike. I know he resented that. He could never give me the fulfillment I needed. I could never give him the child he wanted. I was a shell of a woman.

I knew that I had loved Mike. I loved the young Mike, the football star, the homecoming king, the one who held my hand walking along the boardwalk in Long Beach and recited love poems. I didn't know that man anymore. He hardened towards me and stopped holding my hand. He worked so much and I looked the other way. I couldn't see the forest through the trees. We would go for weeks without touching. I became so desperate for his affection. I craved the slightest touch and stored it away for month long dry spells. The signs were there all along. I saw what I wanted to see. He worked hard and needed space. I tried so hard to make him love me that I never wondered if I loved him anymore. Could a person really love someone who was never there? Someone they never truly knew? I couldn't say if I had been in love with him but I needed him to sustain me. That was all I knew. He was all I knew.

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Songs belong to the following:

**Duffy-Smoke without Fire**

**The Gossip-Love and Let Love**

**Everclear-Santa Monica**

**A/N: ****Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


	6. Folly of a Love

**We'll be meeting a certain young man in this chapter. All your patience has not been in vain.**

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Folly of a love I strangled  
Pulsing heart I thought was gone  
Gives no peace  
Will not cease  
Prowling 'round till dawn  
Ghost of yesterday

**Folly of a Love**

We arrived in the Marco Polo airport seven hours after leaving New York; my neck stiff and my legs tight. I kicked myself for not accepting the first class ticket Alice wanted me to get. Of course as someone who had never flown further than Jacksonville, how was I supposed to know cross Atlantic would be so freaking uncomfortable.

As I bought a red shirt with a large bull on the front, Angela struck up a flirty conversation with the young Spaniard at the counter. She leaned close and crossed her arms in front of her to accentuate her boobs in a way we all knew was purposeful. Apparently she was going to cut loose on this trip. I had to laugh, in all honesty I was looking forward to seeing her let go of her inhibitions—Angela had to be one of the most structured people I knew.

We sat at a small café where we could see the planes take off and land. Alice and I let Angela order. She knew the most Spanish as well as being a sommelier in college. She chose a dry chardonnay and we sipped in silence for a few moments.

"I'm going to miss Jasper," Alice mused. Her eyes grew distant. "He gave me a great going away present, though."

"Like jewelry?" I asked.

"No, but it sure made me sparkle I'll tell you that," Alice replied with a mischievous grin. "I was positively glowing."

"Oh, ew! Alice we don't need to hear about your fantastic sex life, when it is obvious that neither of us are going to be getting any on this trip," I said, motioning between Angela and myself.

"Speak for yourself Bella. When in Greece….Well, let's just say, I don't have to worry about anyone talking to my father around here," Angela said with a smirk.

"What! Are you planning on having a one night stand?" I shrieked.

"Say it a little louder, Bella! I don't think people in Madrid heard you," Angela chided me. "And for the record— I am not planning anything, but I would be extremely open to a rendezvous if it should unfold."

"Angela Weber, in all the years I've known you..."

"Honestly, Bella, you need to chill right now. Take another drink of wine," Alice said, tipping the wine glass to my lips. "Angela is young, single and beautiful. That is just what you do when you travel. I know that I had this one hot encounter in Sydney when I was seventeen…Aw, Troy, now he knew how to go down under."

"I can't listen to this right now," I interrupted her as I covered my ears.

"Oh poor Bella, are we defiling your little virgin ears?" Alice teased. "It's just sex Bella. Don't act like you've never done it."

"I haven't. I've only been with Mike," I replied.

"Yeah, maybe for actual sex, but there is plenty of other things you must have done before him."

"No, like I said— it's only been Mike. Aside from Mike it was only a few guys down in Phoenix I've kissed."

"Bells, that is so sad. Only one man to ever give you the big one. It's tragic," Alice joked.

I looked away for the table biting my lip. I should have known this would come up. Alice laughed at me. "Sorry, does orgasm talk get you nervous too? I mean there is nothing wrong with that at least, right?"

"No, it doesn't make me nervous. I just…." I trailed off taking a large gulp of wine.

"You just what?" Angela asked her eyebrow cocked.

"I've never had one."

"Never had what?" she asked. After a minute I could see the recognition pass over both their faces. "You can't be serious."

"Never? I mean not ever with Mike? Not even with yourself?" Alice asked.

"Of course I've had one. It's just it was, you know…." I waved my hand in the air, my cheeks raged scarlet. I couldn't believe the direction this conversation was taking and more embarrassed that I had to admit this to my friends. "I've only had one by myself. Okay? Are you happy? Is that the answer you wanted?"

Alice and Angela burst into loud guffaws. I sat back a scowl cover my face. "Ha ha ha. Laugh at the virginal girl. It's _so_ funny," I retorted.

"No it's not funny. It's just…"Alice paused to compose herself. The smile slid off her face. "Honestly it's sad Bella. I mean not to be too vulgar but can you explain how you never had one with Mike? I mean you guys were married for years."

"I don't know it just never happened. It's not that important. I mean I know what to do for myself. I can make due."

"It shouldn't be like that. Sex should be a reciprocal act. You don't need to have one every time but to never have one with your husband just boggles my mind," Alice said.

"She's right Bella. A part of a healthy relationship is wanting to please your partner. How many times in your relationship did Mike finish?" Angela asked.

"Every time I guess," I replied sheepishly.

"And all those years he never tried to help you get your rocks off? Seems a little unfair don't you think?" Angela said softly.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you," I said. This conversation was so humiliating. I needed to change the topic. "So where are we meeting you're friends again?"

Angela pulled up her email on her Blackberry. "Um. Their hotel is in Chalandri, same as ours. Oh I guess were staying in the same place, Athens Acropol. Well that's good; they'll know where the good restaurants are. They'll meet us in the lounge and we'll go to dinner from there. I guess they have Emmett's brother with them. I haven't met him yet but Rosalie said he's really cute. I wonder if he looks like Emmett— I totally would have jumped all over that in college, but of course Rosalie looks like a supermodel, so no woman had a chance against her. I hope Edward is as much fun as Em. If he's anything like him we'll have a real good time. One time Emmett padlocked a porta-potty to the door of the economics building. I have no idea how he moved it but there it was on Monday morning. It took them two hours to cut the chains off. It was hilarious."

Alice frowned. "Oh, I just hope he doesn't pull any jokes on me. I am so dense when it comes to practical jokes. It would be so insanely embarrassing. One time Jaspers dad gave me a fake scratch ticket. I thought I won ten thousand dollars. I marched over to the store and the cashier just laughed at me and turned the ticket around. The back read. 'Winnings rewarded at your Momma's house."

The three of us began to laugh. I kept repeating "Your momma's house!" before bursting into a fit of giggles.

Alice grabbed my glass. "Okay, I think Bella's done with the wine. I guess you can't hold your wine, can you?"

I frowned at her, taking my glass back. I down the remnants and poured some more in. "That's ridiculous, I can hold my alcohol just fine. I don't drink very often that's all."

Alice and Angela shared a look before shaking with laughter. Angela wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh, goodness. I think this is going to be a great trip." She held her glass up and we saluted.

"To Greece."

"To new outlooks"

"To adventure."

"To sunshine"

"To no hot flashes"

"To orgasms."

We chuckled at Alice. I raised my glass higher. "To a fresh start with friends"

Finding our way in Athens was easier than I thought it would be. Everyone we met spoke enough English to help us. I kicked myself for not learning Greek before coming. Of course—with only a week's notice, I wasn't sure how much I would have retained. The cabbie flew around corners at lightning speed, went the wrong way down a street and nearly ran over half a dozen pedestrians. The entire time he talked about his one trip to America.

"I go to Florida, the big alligators and Disney world. Real big gators." He took both his hands off the wheel and held them up. I yelped. "Oh, don't worry I handle the alligators. They are no problem for Mitsos." He laughed from the back of his throat.

Arriving at the hotel, I stumbled out of the car and began to search for a cigarette and lighter. I needed some nicotine after that ride. Alice glowered at me and Angela smirked. I held up the lighter to the end of my camel light.

_Spark, spark. _

"Damn it"

"Here let me help you with that," a velvety voice purred behind me. I turned to look at the owner and stopped breathing. He was tall— far taller than me, let alone Mike—with broad shoulders and a narrow waist. His evergreen eyes were framed with dark lashes. He wore a dirty green tee shirt and loose pants. He ran a strong hand through messy bronze hair.

"Would you like help?" His pink lips turned up in a condescendingly crooked smile.

"Yes, please," I stammered. I was such an idiot. I shouldn't be standing there like a fool. I place the cigarette up to my mouth as he flicked a silver lighter open. The blue flame licked the paper and I inhaled deeply. His finger brushed mine and I pulled myself up with a start. It was as if he shocked me. He looked at me with surprise in his eyes. He probably thought I was a total spaz. Hell, I knew I was spaz.

I looked away to retain a semblance of composure. "Thank you. I needed that after the cab ride we had."

He laughed. "They drive a little differently around here. You'll get used to it."

"Great," I mumbled under my breath.

"I'm assuming you just got here?"

"You would be correct. I'm from Washington."

"DC?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, state. Space Needle, Mariners, Pacific Ocean? I live about three hours from Seattle."

"Yeah I've heard of it," he said smirking. My chest hammered despite by new intake of nicotine. He scuffed out his cigarette on the pavement. "Taking a vacation from reality?"

"You could say that," I stammered. God, this man was beautiful. I could have stood there staring into those emerald eyes all night. For a moment I forgot where I was.

"Nice to hear, because that would make two of us."

The way he said 'us' I thought my knees were going to buckle at the word. I smiled stupidly at him and tried to think of anything with the semblance of intelligence and came up short.

"Bella, come on, we have our room," Alice yelled as she appeared in the door of the lobby to yell at me.

He grinned at me as I ground out the butt. "It was nice talking to you, _Bella_."

I savored the way his voice wrapped around my name. I felt a smoldering flame in the pit of my stomach. My cheeks betrayed a blush. He turned and walked away. I watched him round the corner before Alice yelled again.

"Let's go missy, I don't have all day."

"Wait. What's your name?" I said. He continued walking and couldn't hear me.

"Fucking fantastic. I don't even know how to talk to men now," I murmured to myself.

Grumbling I picked up my suitcase and walked into the hotel. We took the elevator to the sixth floor and found our room at the end of the hallway. Pouting, I flicked the light switch. Darkness cloaked the room. What a great way to start the trip.

Angela chuckled behind me. She took the room key out of my hand. "Here, Bella, the power turns on when you put in this machine."

She slid the card into the wall. Lights flickered on. "It's to conserve energy."

Embarrassed by my allover stupidity today, I pulled my suitcase into the room and at down at the edge of the pink bed. I rubbed my face. What a day. I was sure that the cab driver was going to kill us all. I got drunk at an airport in Spain. I met a handsome man on the streets of Athens. A man with resplendent eyes and a salacious smile. Not just handsome; he was gorgeous, hunky, beautiful, amazing, exquisite. Fuck, I was quoting a thesaurus here, over some stranger. I needed to pull myself together. I heard Alice in the bathroom fixing her short spiky hair. I went and stood behind her.

"Ugh, I meet a gorgeous man and this is what I look like!" I groaned looking at my reflection. My hair was twisted in stringy strands. My cheeks were flushed from the ride over and talking to that beautiful man. My blue button up shirt was wrinkled. I pulled a brush through my hair and washed my face with the hotel soap.

"So you met a gorgeous man?" Alice asked over my shoulder. Crap, did I speak out loud? I glanced at Alice sheepishly. Angela appeared in the door frame saving me.

"Rose and Emmett will be down in the lounge is about ten minutes. We should get ready."

"This isn't over, Bella," Alice called out as I changed out of my sweaty traveling clothes. I pulled the green cotton dress over my head and smoothed the hem. I found my silver flats. I reapplied my eyeliner and mascara. I didn't need blush, I naturally produced it. I swiped some pearly gloss over my lips and grabbed my bag. I followed Alice and Angela out of the room. In the elevator I leaned against the wall. I wasn't sure I should be doing this. Traveling to a different land to forget my problems was not the answer. I would tell the girls I needed to go home. They had to understand right? Stepping out of the elevator I took a deep breath. We walked into the low lit bar.

_oh and I know this of myself  
we've listened to more of life's end gong than the sound of life's sweet bells  
was it ever worth it was there all that much to gain  
well we knew we'd missed the boat and we'd already missed the plane_

I spotted a tall muscled dark haired man standing next a stunning blonde at the bar. The woman's face broke into a magnificent smile. She held her arms out to pull Angela into a tight embrace.

"Angie babe! It has been far too long. Way too long, I'm so glad to see you."

She released Angela and stuck out a manicured hand. "I'm Rosalie Hale-Cullen." She motioned to the man next to her.

"This is my husband, Emmett Cullen." He gave us a Cheshire cat smile and winked.

Alice took Rosalie's hand. "Alice Whitlock, I've heard so much about you two."

"Only good things, I'm sure, huh, Ang?" Emmett teased.

Angela shrugged her shoulders and we all laughed.

"I'm Bella Newton, ur, actually Bella Swan," I corrected. Rosalie threw a sharp look at Emmett. Angela had already told them about me. Great, all I needed was to be the charity case of the trip.

"Well, Bella, it's so good to meet you. We've heard a lot about you two as well." She pointed to an empty table. "We should sit and have a drink. Dinner doesn't start in Greece until nine anyways."

We all sat in the leather booth and placed our orders. Emmett and Alice got a Mythos beer. Rosalie, Angela and I got an orange Fanta and vodka. While waiting for our drinks Emmett regaled us with a story about saran wrapping a toilet bowl in his grandmother's house. Angela was right, he was funny. When the waiter returned with our drinks Emmett asked him for another Mythos for his brother.

Rosalie crossed her arms. "Where is he? He said, he needed to run to the store real quick. He's always running a little late. You guys will like Edward. He's a little prickly at first but once you get to know him you could ask for a nicer guy." She leaned forward and whispered. "He just had a really bad break-up with his girlfriend, Victoria. She just dumped him a few months ago. Said she met someone new. Some douche bag named James. This trip is our way of helping him recover."

She looked at Angela and Alice but avoided my eyes. I knew she was just trying to be considerate. We changed the subject and began to discuss sites to see in Athens. I found myself feeling warm after two drinks. In the middle of Alice's story about interviewing a homeless man after Hurricane Katrina, I saw him walk in. He changed into a blue button down and clean pair of jeans. He carried a black leather jacket under his arm.

Rosalie began to wave at him. "Yoo-hoo, Edward over here. We found our friends." Edward grabbed a chair and sat down at the foot of the table. "Edward, this is Angela Weber, Alice Whitlock and Bella Swan. Angela, Emmett and I went to school together at the University of Washington. Angela brought Bella and Alice along with her for a little vacation."

Edward smiled at Alice and Angela brightly. He held his hand out to shake. When he finished he turned to me. The smile faded from his face. His smile became a thin line.

"Um yeah, Bella and I already met outside. She too, has a nasty habit." He looked away from me. His jaw line tensed and he I felt my heart sputter in my chest. He seemed nice earlier and now — he was positively rude.

"I guess I have smoking buddy now." I joked, trying to catch a glimpse of that panty dropping smirk I saw earlier.

Everyone but Edward laughed as Alice shot me a death stare. I would quit when we got back. It was my vacation— I would smoke and drink a much as I cared to. I took a drink and saw Edward doing the same. Edward nodded his head towards me. "Yeah I guess," he muttered.

I frowned. Why was he being such an ass all of a sudden? I tried to chat with the others idly about our lives. Angela shared a story of when she and Rosalie went streaking down Greek Row. I shared about being stung by a large jellyfish in Mexico. The fishermen had to pull the tentacles off and were laughing at me calling me a silly gringo. Rosalie asked if anyone peed on me. And everyone but Edward laughed when I denied it. Edward told us about hiking a glacier in Alaska. It was fun to sit and talk with new people. It had been so long since I had a decent conversation with someone who didn't ask every five minutes if I was okay. Even with Mr. Douchebag next to me. Every time I would look over at me he would be watching me out of the corner of his eye; a cold hard look in his gaze. I tried to shake the disconcertion.

We paid our bill and walked out into the smoggy air of Athens. Edward fished his cigarettes out of his pocket. I fumbled with mine and tried once again to find a spark. I needed to find a new lighter soon. This was ridiculous. Edward sighed disgustingly. He held out his lighter and I leaned forward to let him light it. Once again the slight push of his hand against mine caused a shock to course through me. I glanced up at him and he stood back his hands fumbling to light his cigarette; his eyes looking over my shoulder at the dirty street corner.

"So where are you from again? I know Angela told me but I forgot already," I asked him. I wanted so badly to talk to him again. Stupid Bella, stupid….

"Did you now?" He flashed a disparaging glance at me before taking a deep drag. "Chicago, I'm from Chicago. And you're from west of Seattle."

I nodded. "You remembered."

He gazed at me for a few minutes. "I would have a hard time forgetting."

My eyes cast down to the pavement. I felt my heart skipping in my chest. How did he do that to me? I was a grown woman turning to jelly at the slightest words from a man—a man who looked at me like a piece of dirt. I looked ahead at our group. "We should catch up with them."

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A/N: A huge thank you to Cornel81 for help with the Greek phrases. You are fabulous and know all about these cab drivers!

**So there he is in all his glory. All your patience has been rewarded. **

**All the places they travel in this story I have been. I'll post pictures on my flickr page. The link is in my bio. All the practical joke mentioned have been perform to me or near me. I hope I didn't insult any Greeks about the driving. That was just how I remember it. I am trying to use as many names of people I met in Greece. Yes they really have these names. If it's not in Twilight then it probably was a person I met. **

**Billie Holiday-Ghosts of Yesterday**

**Modest Mouse-Missed the Boat**

**A/N**** Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


	7. Steal Into the Night

_Et le cachalot a dit  
Je voudrais être un yeti  
Pour voler dans la nuit  
Et m'en aller loin d'ici  
Mais le yeti a dit  
Je voudrais être un monstre marin  
Pour pouvoir rentrer dans la mer  
De tous les requins._

**Steal into the Night**

The next few days, we girls went shopping all day. We had lunch at a great little café and gorged ourselves on dolmades and French fries. We walked around drinking frappes. We compared scary dating stories and critiqued each other's purchases. It was surreal having such a good time with people. I found it sad, I had to travel half way across the world to have a normal time with some girlfriends. I avoided Edward after that awful night. I always sat farthest from him at dinner and talked to the girls. He never talked to me and aside from him giving me dirty looks — it was as if I wasn't there, in his eyes.

I checked in with Charlie earlier. He was surprised to say the least when I announced that I would be going to Greece. I think he wanted to keep an eye on me at home. He thought I was being a little crazy to fly across the world on a whim. He was a little right— I still couldn't figure out why I agreed either. Despite that, I was having fun. I assured him I was safe. That I wouldn't walk alone. That I wouldn't carry large sums of cash or get in cabs with strangers. I reminded him that Greece was an extremely nonviolent city compared to Seattle. The worst I could worry about was pick pockets.

The six of us agreed to meet up in the restaurant for breakfast before heading out for a city wide sightseeing tour. I took extra care to pick an outfit that was nice but worked for walking around in a city for hours at end. I pulled the hem of my polka dot tank top down as I walked in. Edward, Angela and Emmett were already seated. I watched as Edward flung his head back in booming laughter.

_Why couldn't I get that kind of response from him? Why did I want to?_

If it was possible he looked even better in the light of day. His white tee shirt was crisp and his hair in disarray. I handed my voucher to the host and walked over to the table.

"What so funny, guys?"

Angela wiped her eyes still giggling. "Emmett was just telling us a joke about some nuns and a rabbi. Is Alice still fixing her hair?"

I nodded. "Where's Rosalie? Does she take a while to get ready too?"

My friends glanced at each other and started laughing again.

"You could say that. Rosalie is wonderful but she needs things to be perfect or she's very difficult to be around," Emmett stated.

Edward got up from the table. "I'm going to start on the buffet now."

Wordlessly I got up as well and followed him to the fruit assortments. I saw him watching me over the toast. I willed myself not to look back. I couldn't hide my flush. Why did he always have to be watching me? I piled my plate with melon and chocolate croissants. I poured a large mug of coffee and sat back down at the table. Alice and Rosalie walked in at the same time looking fabulous. We all settled into our meal and chatted about what site we were most looking forward to. We decided to do one super touristy move and get a bus tour of the city. I noticed Alice and Rosalie talking in hushed tones, but though nothing of it until we got to the bus.

Emmett and Angela sat together and then Rosalie and Alice. It left me to sit with Edward. I could see where this is going. Sighing heavily and cursing my so called friends, I walked down the aisle to stand next to him. Edward motioned for me to take the window seat.

"No, it's okay. You can have the window," I offered.

"I can see over your head," he said dryly. I rolled my eyes at him. We sunk down into the multicolored seats. My arm rested in between our bodies. Edward crossed his arm tightly and looked out the opposite window. Even without the physical contact, I could feel a current running between us. I looked out my window and gave the tour guide my full attention as she led us through the streets of Plaka. We arrived at the Olympic Stadium and took silly pictures in front of the five Olympic rings. We took pictures of the large statue of President Truman. We walked around the temple of Olympian Zeus as Emmett tried to pet one of the stray dogs lying on the artifacts. Rosalie scolded him loudly and made him find a bathroom to wash up before touching her. If it wasn't for the electricity and disdain running through me, I would had a good time. I was relieved when we climbed into the bus for our final stop. Finally the trip would be over.

When we got to the base of the Acropolis, the tour guide pointed up the hill as she explained the historical monument.

"The word Acropolis can be broken down, Acro meaning edge and polis meaning city which loosely translates to the high city. The Acropolis hill, so called the 'Sacred Rock' of Athens, is the most important site of the city. This place is said to be dedicated to the goddess Athena after which the city was named. Athena was best known for being the goddess of wisdom and encompassing cunning intelligence. Now if you will follow me we will start the hike. It is quite long so prepare yourself and remember the Acropolis was built in the year 5 B.C.—so please, be watching your step."

"Fucking fantastic," I groaned loudly.

Edward glanced at me confused. I looked at him. "I'm very clumsy. I'll probably fall down and take the whole Parthenon with me."

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you'll be just fine, Bella."

"We shall see," I grumbled trudging up the hill.

I was sweating in the noon time heat by the time we got to the marble steps at the entrance. Angela, Edward, Emmett and Rosalie looked spent but Alice lithely climbed the stairs, her face dry as can be. Edward took a large swig of water before handing me the bottle. Surprised, I hesitated. I imagined placing my mouth on the same place Edward put his mouth. It made me think about putting my mouth on his. "I don't have cooties Bella. I promise," he said. His face betrayed no joke.

"What makes you think I don't?" I retorted at him. I grabbed the bottle and took a drink. He laughed for a moment at my cockiness.

"I serious doubt that, Bella." His eyes twinkled and then went flat. Why did he always say the right thing? What was it about his voice wrapping around my name that I loved too much. And why did he have to ruin it by being so rude right after?

We walked forward to the Parthenon. The view of Athens was breathtaking from the top. I could see the mountains in the distance and the Aegean Sea to the south. I took a drink from the fountain. The guide said that an underground spring provided the clear clean water. I wondered if I could get more wisdom from drinking it. I could certainly use wisdom right now. I felt like an idiot all the time around Edward. I glanced up to see him watching me drink. I stood up and walked the other way hiding my red cheeks.

After investigating for a few more minutes we decided to go find some lunch and go back to hotel for a quick nap. It took us a while to find the path down to the bottom. The trail was dirt in some area. Alice practically skipped down the path but I lengthened my gait, not wanting to take everyone down. After a few minutes I was more comfortable with the terrain. I picked up the pace. Suddenly my foot slipped out and my body lurched back to balance.

"Bella!" I felt Edward's firm hands catch me under my arms. I was leaning back into his body, his fingers rest on the sides of my breasts. The current that ran through us on the bus was now an electrical socket going haywire. A storm of tremors running under the surface. My heart sounded thunderously. I was sure it was going to burst from my chest.

"Thanks, Edward. I told you I was clumsy." I stated. As I rose, his arms still held me up.

"Yeah I guess, you weren't kidding. Could you please watch where you're walking?" he said harshly. I could feel his palm on my ribs.

"Uh Edward, I can stand now." I pointed to his hands.

"Oh, okay, yeah— I guess you can." He removed his hand and shoved then into his pockets. We both looked down the hill, refusing to acknowledge the awkward contact. He dipped his head down. "We should catch up with them."

When Angela and I returned to the room and I laid down on the soft bed. What were our friends thinking? They obviously had some master plan that was falling flat. I couldn't help but think about Edward. A man that good looking couldn't be interested in me. Besides, he didn't even seem to like me at all. I was so ordinary, a divorcee. Who would want me now? Edward deserved a beautiful woman to stand next to him. I was never that girl. I would never be that girl. Faintly on the street, I could hear the music from a club._  
Floaters in my eyes  
Wake up in a hotel room  
Cigarettes and lies  
I am a child, it's too soon_

…_You will never be my fool_

I felt like I my eyes just began to droop when I heard voices through the walls.

"What is your deal, man? I really like her and somehow so does Rosie."

"It's not going to happen Emmett. You need to just stop."

"She's not Tori. Get your head out of your ass and see that. All these girls you could talk to and you never do. None of them are Victoria."

"I know they're not Victoria. No one is like Victoria."

"Exactly, so stop this before you miss out on something. Something that could be really good for you."

"You just need to shut it Emmett. Bella and I, we are never going to fucking happen."

I couldn't listen anymore. I pulled the pillow over my head and blocked out the sounds.

A knock on the door startled me awake. Looked at the clock, I had slept for two hours. I drug myself off the bed and opened the door bleary eyed. Rosalie stood in the doorway her perfectly manicured hand shoved in her pockets.

"Hi Bella, did I wake you up?"

I shook my head. "No, well, actually yeah, I guess you kind of did. That's okay though. I needed to wake up. Do you want to come in?" I stepped aside and beckoned her in.

"I was going to have a smoke on the balcony," I told her. Seeing Rosalie made me remember the conversation I overhead. I became nervous. She was going to tell me to stay away from Edward. To stop throwing myself at him.

I nodded and pulled the glass door open. I sat in a plastic chair, Rose in the other. I lit a cigarette and set the pack between us. She motioned to the pack.

"Do you mind? I haven't had one in years. Filthy habit," Rosalie said.

"By all means, Rose. It's nice to not feel judged honestly," I replied.

"Yeah I know. Emmett will be annoyed, but whatever. I mean we're in Europe for God's sake. Everyone smokes here," she said smiling at me. She snuck a sideways glance at me. "You know, I never see you take smoke breaks with Edward."

"Edward doesn't take them with me, you mean," I clarified. I sighed heavily. Rosalie raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. I took a deep drag of my cigarette and closed my eyes. "Rosalie, this is very embarrassing, but your darling brother in law doesn't like me very much."

"I can see how it would appear that way for you, Bella."

"How else would it appear?"

Rosalie was silent next to me and we sat there for several silent minutes; the sound of our deep drags piercing the air. She ran her hands through her corn silk curls. Her eyes were on the sign for an adult store across the street. "There's a flea market downtown. Emmett, Alice and I were going tomorrow. Did you want to join us?"

Confused, I nodded my head. Rosalie stood up and ground out the butt in the ashtray.

"See you tomorrow, Bella."

She walked back into the room and left me alone in the humid Athens night with my thoughts. I flicked my butt over the railing into the street in annoyance. I guess I wasn't going to get my answer tonight.

**

* * *

**

A huge thank you to Cornel81 for help with the Greek phrases. You are fabulous and know all about these cab drivers!

**Kimya Dawson-Treehugger**

**Regina Spektor- Hotel Song**

**Translation****  
(And the sperm whale said  
I wish I was a yeti  
So I could steal into the night  
And get away from here  
But the yeti said  
I wish I was a sea monster  
So I could go into the sea  
With all the sharks.)**

**A/N**** Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


	8. Misplaced Memories

**A/N: There is some implied violence in this chapter. **

**BlackJackLily, You know I heart you. On this story, on Runaway, just because.**

_Misplaced memories I've, retraced my steps so many times  
what else can I say, I let the past get to me _

_If things could go differently  
…Seems like yesterday, I was cruising down Chico Way_

**Misplaced Memories**

I woke up early the next morning. It was one of the last in Athens. We would be leaving for Mykonos in a few days. I was excited to see the islands. Athens was fun but I wanted to dip my feet in the water, to lay on the beach with the girls. I hopped out of bed and showed quickly. Alice was already down in the restaurant getting breakfast.

The water invigorated me and I pondered my conversation with Rosalie from the night before. Her words were so cryptic. What was I supposed to do with that kind of talk? I wasn't even sure how I felt about him. Sure he was an ideal man in every way. I could get lost in his deep green eyes within moments. Sometimes he would look at me and even though his mouth would have stern set— I couldn't help but see sadness behind his eyes, maybe even longing.

I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up around him. He didn't seem to like me very much. Was it so much to ask for that he gave me a chance? I couldn't even figure out what his issue was. If he tried maybe we could be friends. Was that so much to ask for honestly? A girl can never have too many friends.

I climbed out of the shower and began to towel dry my hair. I braided a long mahogany rope to hang over my shoulder. Looking the mirror I studied my reflection.

"Here stands a girl who has strong shoulders and a straight nose. She has thick hair and soft cheek. She looks happy. You can be happy."

I turned my body in the mirror. My hips were starting to soften, my collarbone was veiled now. I probably gained five pounds in the week I've been in Athens. I brushed my teeth diligently just in case. Coming into the room I watched Angela sleep. Chuckling to myself I rustled through my bag pulling out my red shirt from Spain and my khaki shorts. I pulled on my Keens. They weren't the most stylish but damn were they comfortable. Who was I trying to impress anyway? It wasn't as if Edward was interested. Going back to the bathroom I brushed on some mascara and gloss. I was as ready as I was going to be. Feeling skittish I took the stairs down to the restaurant. I took several deep breaths to steel myself before walking through the door.

The flea market was bustling. Every stand we walked by the vendors would come out and tell us. "Come this way, I know you'd like to see these earrings- these coins- these cups."

They smiled at us expectantly. I was very impressed with the customer service. Alice, Rose and I wandered away to look at ten euro shoes. Alice strapped a patent red Mary Jane to her dainty foot. Then stood up, a full four inches taller. "Oh I like these."

"I bet you do," I said, giggling. I stroked a pair of white leather sandals debating this conversation. "Alice, what do you think of Edward?"

She peered up at me through a fringe of dark lashes. She smiled a quiet smile. "I like him just fine Bella. More importantly what do you think of Edward?"

I set the sandals back down and walked over to a pair of black knee high boots. I needed to phrase this right. I turned to face her. "Alice, between the two of us, I think he's a beautiful man. A beautiful man who doesn't like me and can't even have a conversation with me, without scowling the whole time. I think I am a silly woman to even be thinking about him."

"I don't think that's the case, Bella."

"Sure it is. I mean come on. Who would ever date me? Besides I just got divorced and I shouldn't pursue any men."

"Really, Bella? Is that what you think? I disagree completely. I can't speak for the first part. You'll need to talk to Edward about that. As for the last part…"she scoffed. "Bella, I'm going to say something you probably don't want to hear but you need to listen. Your marriage to Mike is over. He betrayed you, over and over. I know it has only been four month since the divorce, but Bella your marriage was over years ago."

"I never said that! You don't know and you weren't there." I demanded.

Rosalie snorted in the back ground as she stepped behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. "Bella, why don't the three of us go sit down for some frappe, I have something to share with you."

I nodded and followed her out of the shop. I was curious what Rosalie could add to the conversation. What kind of experience could she have with bad relationships? Perfect girls never had issues like ordinary girls. No one would take her for granted. We found a small shop with a café table on the promenade.

She traced the edge of the napkin, examining it wistfully. "Bella, I've spoken to Angela about you. Don't be mad at her she only wanted us to know in case we said the wrong thing. She told Emmett and me before you even came. She shared with me what you went through. I'm not just talking about the infidelity— as awful as that was, I'm sure. I'm talking about years of talking you down. Angela told me about the baby. Instead of supporting you, he would take off and party with his friends. You gave up everything for that man and what did he give you? He kept you in a cage. I know about this all too well."

"When I was seventeen I started dating Royce. He was a senior and just so…insanely handsome. All those silly girls were so jealous of me. I thought I was so lucky, that I got him because I was the prettiest, the smartest, the best. I thought I had something that all those girls could never compete with."

Her voice lowered and the smile faded from her face. Her eyes grew melancholy as she gazed into the crowd. "I gave him my heart, my virginity, my love. When he left for college I stayed faithful. Sure, I heard rumors from my older friends that Royce was spotted with other girls. I discounted them all. They didn't know him like I did. He loved me and only me. The other girls were just envious and spiteful. What did they know? I was Rosalie Hale and he was Royce King. We were perfect and nothing could ever happen to us. When he returned for Christmas I spent every moment with him.

"It started on New Year's Eve. I was running late to get to his house. When I arrived he accused me of cheating. He called me awful names. Said that I was a whore and that he knew I was sleeping with some townie that worked at the local hotel. I denied it and spent the night crying while he left me to go a party. The next day he came by and told me he believed me. He apologized and I was so happy. Happy that he believed me, when I had never lied in the first place. I looked past it all and was grateful he stayed with me. Months went by. His calls got farther apart. The summer came. He returned after flunking out of school. I had already registered for classes at the UW. We fought terribly about me going to school. I would have withdrawn if my parents hadn't threatened me. All fall quarter I sent him letters diligently. I called all the time. I wanted so badly to prove that I we could work. That I would do anything for him.

"I was doing poor in my classes. In a way, I think I was subconsciously trying to flunk out too. Maybe Royce wouldn't feel so bad if I did it too. I was willing to do that for him. I was willing to take down my whole life to make him feel better. I met Emmett in Biology and when I began to fail he offered to tutor me. I wasn't interest in him romantically. He was only a friend. A man who was easy to talk to and who for the first time in over a year made me smile. How could I be attracted to another man, when Royce was all I saw, all I cared about?

"Eventually I began to tell Emmett about Royce. Not once did he say anything about what a jerk he was. I later found out that Emmett hated him from the sound of his name. It was late October. We were staying late at the lab to finish a paper. Emmett began to crack jokes and I found myself laughing for the first time in so long. I heard a shuffle behind me and turned to see Royce red with anger.

"He shook his fist at me. 'You whore, I knew it. I knew you were cheating.' I followed him, I pleaded with him to see reason. Emmett yelled at me to stop.

" He turned to face me. 'That's why you wanted to come to school. To cheat on me.' He charged at me and grabbed me by the neck. He squeezed my throat tight. I began to see stars. I heard a loud banging and then everything went black. I woke up later that day in the hospital. Emmett was sitting in the chair next to me sleeping. I didn't know what would have happened if Emmett was there. I could have died. Royce could have taken it too far. Emmett begged me to be done with him. He told me that he cared too much for me to see me be hurt like that. Even then I wasn't sure if I was done with Royce. I gave the police a statement and got a restraining order. But during Christmas I almost took him back. And he did it again.

"Emmett and Angela were so mad at me when I came back to school with a huge bruise on my wrist. I didn't find out until later but Emmett flew to Rochester and sat down with my parents. He told them what was happening with me. Then he visited Royce. Gave him a broken nose and some cracked ribs. I was furious at Emmett when he returned. But Emmett told me that he had to. That he couldn't stand it if someone hurt me like that. I hated him for a while. It took a long time for me to see that Emmett really cared and that is why he did that. I never heard from Royce after that. We were over but I couldn't get over it."

She paused to look at me. "Bella this is the point of my story. You need to let go of the bad things that happen to you. I held onto how Royce made me feel for so long I couldn't let Emmett in. I held him at a distance for a long time. It was months of making snide remarks and hurting him because I had been hurt. He pleaded with me that he wasn't Royce. Even though I knew that, I couldn't take the risk to give myself over so completely to someone. It was a long time before I let him in. Emmett is the best thing that's happened to me. He has saved me in so many ways. Time heals all wounds Bella. Don't waste your time in the past."

"I don't know what this has to do with me," I replied. As sad as her story was I didn't know what she wanted from me. I had left Mike. What more did she expect from me?

"It's not just you Bella. It's Edward too. I know that asking you to try with someone who is as broken as you seems crazy but like they say _Accept what people offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love_."

I closed my eyes and tried to make sense of her story. "Rosalie, Edward doesn't even like me enough to say more than two words at a time to me. I don't know what you are asking me."

"You're wrong Bella. I think you are just looking at this the wrong way. I think, right now you don't want someone to like you." She leaned back in her chair and chuckled. "You don't want someone to care about you. For God's sake, I'm not asking for you to have children with the guy, just talk to him. I know he's been a bit of a jerk but please, for our sake try again. Tonight maybe?"

I sat there dumbfounded for a moment. Hesitantly, I played with the edge of my glass. "You know, I don't think Mike ever love me. He loved the idea of us, the pictures on the walls and having me by his side to comfort him. I don't think he ever really knew me. More than that, I don't think he wanted to know me."

I felt the ripples of heartache through my chest and I fought to keep my body together.

Alice smiled at me and rubbed my back. "It's okay to grieve the past, but don't let it keep you from the future." She looked up to lock eyes with Edward standing across the street.

When I arrived back at the hotel I changed into my pajamas and slid into the cool smooth sheets. I closed my eyes and pondered Rosalie's story. She really knew what I was going through. She validated the self doubt. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one to have their heart broken, to have their faith in love shattered. Alice was right. My marriage had been over for years. It was over before it even really began. Mike slowly broke down my faith. Like cracks in a dam I was damaged from the pressure. Jessica had only been the last drops of water to break me open wide. How could I heal from that? How could I risk myself so soon? I closed my eyes, shutting out the pink and beige room.

_Edward stood there, his deep green eyes and mocking grin. I wanted so badly to run my fingers over his strong jaw and feel the stubble on my skin. He was a man like I had never known. I gazed at the planes of his chest and the firmness of his stomach. He sauntered towards me. His long lithe fingers slowly tracing down my cheek burning a trail of heat. I sighed into his touch. Slowly he lowered his mouth to me. I traced his silken lips with my tongue. I would savor the sweet taste of sunshine and vanilla on his skin. In my sleeping vision Edward took my face into his calloused hands and gazed into my eyes. He held me against his marble chest and whispered my name; his hands crept down my side. I was kissing him softly in the hollow of his collarbone. He ground himself against me and his breath washed over my face._

A loud banging sounded making me sit up in bed. I opened my eyes to see Alice and Angela stumble into the room and fall to the bed giggling. Grumbling I turned to my side, still craving my dream.

**A/N- So there is the beginning of things. I hope you enjoy it. More to come soon. **

**Rosalie quotes Wally Lamb's ****She's Come Undone****. (My all time favorite book)**

**The songs don't belong to me they belong to…**

**MXPX- Misplaced Memories (Note on MXPX, this band is from Bremerton. I had to include my hometown band.)**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns it. Big Time!**


	9. A Heart You Can Start

**A/N: There is some implied violence in this chapter. Nothing too bad. (not even close to Runaway)**

_

* * *

_

You will ebb, and I will flow  
I'm so sure about you, you don't know

_Two broken birds, you say, we're two left feet  
now take your coat off and make a mess of me_

**A Heart you could Start**

* * *

Night fell early and I needed to get cigarettes before we left for dinner. I pulled on my jeans and tee shirt. I took the time to pull my hair into a sloppy bun at the top of my head. In the elevator I wiped the remnants of mascara off my face. I still needed to wake up. The Athens streets were crowded and I made my way through the throngs of people. I started down the street and turned down an alley that I knew had a small convenience store. I walked for a few minutes, my mind lost in my dream. I wondered if he tasted the way I imagined. Like honey—honey and sunshine. Despite myself I smiled. I could daydream if I liked. There was no crime against it. I heard the footfalls behind me and on reflex I looked back. A tall dark haired man followed behind me. He smiled at me and I smiled back before beginning to walk faster. I wasn't really in the mood to talk right now. The man walked closer.

"Yia sou, pos se lene, koukla?" he called out.

"Um…, Den milao Ellinika" I replied. _I don't speak Greek_. I turned around to face him.

"Ti trexei? What's up?" he said. I smiled a nervous smile and I nodded curtly. I turned to walk away.

"I'm talking to you," he yelled at my back.

"I'm sorry I have to go," I pleaded.

"Ah, lesvia huh? Lesbian?" he laughed.

"No, I just need to go. I'm sorry."

"I want to know you," he called out. I felt him behind me. His hand came up on my arm and he stopped me. I stood with my back to him, assessing the empty alley. After all those promises to Charlie, here I stood. I tried to remember all those moves you are supposed to use on attackers. Could I just knee him in the balls and run away? I was a clumsy runner. I knew I would have to do something.

"I need to go, I'm sorry," I repeated.

"Ohi, stay. Have fun with me." He pulled me towards him and slowly turned me around to face him.

"I really need to go," I said. My heart beat loudly in my chest. He pushed me against the wall. I could smell the beer on his breath. He worked his face into the crook of my neck. His hands pinned my arms to the brick behind me. I felt the tears form in my eyes. "Please, please don't do this. Please, let me go."

"Shh, relax. Just having fun," he whispered into my throat.

"No, you need to let me go. Now!" I closed my eyes and wished to me anywhere but there. Scanned through all the possible ways I could incapacitate him. I settled on kneeing him and then stomping on his face. That should do it.

"Let her go."

My eyes opened with a start. Edward stood there in the alley. One fist clenched at his side, the other on the man's shoulder. Edward gripped the man and pulled him back, making him fall on the ground. Edward held his hand out. "Let's go, Bella."

Without thinking, I took his hand and he pulled me along out of the dark alley. We ran until we got to a crowded street corner. The walls whizzed past me and all I could feel was his warm, rough hand around mine. Even in the horror that I had just been through, all I could think about was how easily my palm fit into his. How his scent of leather, cigarettes and sunshine was electrocuting me. He laced his fingers through mine tighter and stopped at the door into a small fast food restaurant.

"Stay here, Bella," he demanded.

I heeded him and stood there shaking while he walked to the counter. He returned with a large soda. I took it without question and drank it quickly. In minutes I finished it. The cold liquid calmed my throat and cooled through my body. I looked up at him and he was glaring at the window. His eyes were hard and he wore a grimace.

"How did you find me?" I asked, he had come out of nowhere and swooped in to save me.

"What?" he asked, still staring at his reflection. I willed him to look at me.

"How did you find me? I mean what are the chances that you would just stumble on me like that?"

He glanced at me for a moment before looking down on the ground. He was keeping something from me. "It doesn't matter how I found you. A better question is why you would go walking around Athens at night alone."

"Athens is one of the safest countries in the world, Edward. The chances of being hurt here are practically nonexistent," I stated, annoyed at his lecture. I was well away of the risks and didn't need some exquisite strange man telling me what to do.

"Yeah, maybe for anyone but you. You come along and screw it all up."

"What the fuck is your deal, dude? What did I ever do to you? You are an asshole to me every two seconds and then you show up out of nowhere and try to save me. Which for the record, I was working myself up to knee that guy in the balls. I know how to defend myself," I yelled. He was not going to boss me around.

"Yeah it sure looks that way," Edward snorted.

"How did you even find me?"

"It doesn't matter," he brushed me off.

"Oh yes it does. Don't give me that shit. I know when I'm being lied to and you need to tell me the truth," I demanded. I was not going to let this go without a fight.

"Bella, let-it-go. It doesn't matter." He punctuated every word carefully— his eyes were dark and hard on me.

"Seriously, what is your major malfunction? What is your fucking deal?"

He ran a hand through his hair and his jaw tightened. He sighed loudly. I glared at him and gave him a mean look.

"You! Okay, you're my deal. I can't think when I'm around you. I try to act normal, but being around you….I…Is that what you wanted to hear? That I'm some crazy stalker dude? Jesus Christ, Bella, what the fuck do you want me to say?"

"Did you follow me?" I whispered. I stared at him stunned. I tried to process what he just said. He can't think? What did that even mean? Stalker? Was he saying he did follow me?

He looked down the street and pursed his lips. That asshole was going to pull this and then not give me any answers? I didn't think so. Anger boiled in my veins. I pushed my hands against his chest, barreling him into the wall. "I asked you a question. Did you follow me?"

He stared at me stunned. I held my hands against him. Slowly his hands came up and wrapped around my wrists. He gently pulled them away from his chest. His eyes on my face, he began to slowly move his hands down my arm until they rested on my elbows. His eyes softened as he looked at me.

"Bella, I just…I can't describe it. I don't know what is happening. I'm an idiot. I just…" he trailed off, looking into my eyes. My anger trickled out through my fingertips. I felt lighter. "I saw you leaving and it's night time and you just attract trouble like no one I've ever seen…"

"Not always…" I mumbled.

"…So you were there and then I was there and I didn't mean to follow you but I was and then that guy…"

"Oh, Edward," I sighed. My heart was hammering in my chest. What did this mean?

He closed his eyes and pulled me closer to him. Without thinking I rested my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beat through his soft leather jacket. "I tried, I tried so hard Bella. But I don't think I can do it any longer. I have to know you. I can't stay away from you any longer. I'm giving up the fight. I've lost the strength."

As we returned to the hotel, Edward didn't say a word to me. I tried to process what he said to me. He didn't have the strength? What does that even mean? And why would he follow me? That hardly seemed appropriate and didn't match my idea of how he regarded me at all. I couldn't figure him out at all. When we reached the door I stopped. "Edward?" I called out.

He stopped to turn to me. "Bella?"

"Could you do something for me?"

He crooked an eyebrow at me. "I guess it depends on what it is."

"Can you not tell the guys about the alley incident. I just don't want them freaking out and I know Alice would have a conniption fit if she knew. She wouldn't let me walk to the bathroom by myself."

"Okay, it can be our secret," he replied. He turned to walk away and I let out a sound—a noise that was a cross between a cut off yelp and a beagle. He turned his head, smirking at me. "Is that it?"

I hesitated. How could I say it without sounding sad and pathetic? "Can you just decide whether or not you want to talk to me? It's just that you're mood swings; they have me all over the place, here. It would just be nice to know where we stand."

"Yeah, you're right. It would be nice to know where we stand," he mused. He turned and walked into the hotel. I glared at his retreating form.

"You didn't answer my question, jerk," I muttered to myself.

I took my time curling my hair and put on the baby pink maxi dress Alice set out for me. I knew I would trip over the hem some time that night but Alice wouldn't let me wear anything else. Angela and I were exchanging earrings when we heard Emmett at the door.

"You girls ready. Geez even Rose is ready now and lord knows that's a first."

"Give us a minute. Beauty takes time you know," Angela scolded.

Alice applied a last spritz of perfume to my wrist. "I think you're ready Bella. Take a look and tell me you approve."

I glimpsed into the mirror and was surprised at how full my cheeks were. My normally porcelain skin was now a light copper, I'm sure most people wouldn't even call it a tan but it was the darkest I had been, since vacationing in Lake Havasu before I left Phoenix. Greece certainly agreed with me. I could feel that my calves were stronger from walking around Athens. I felt healthier than I had been since getting pregnant. Satisfied, I turned off the light off and walked out of the room. Angela and Alice were already at the elevator. Emmett leaned against the wall.

"Bella, let's take the stairs. We need to talk"

I looked at him confused. "Sure but if I fall, I won't be responsible of the bodily harm I inflict."

"I'll take my chances." he said, smirking at me.

I followed him to the stairwell where he held the door open for me. I sauntered past him. We clunked down one flight of stairs in silence before Emmett stopped. I turned to look at him. He looked embarrassed. "Bella I don't normally do this but Rosie told me to talk to you. She said she shared her story about Royce." I nodded. "Here's the thing you need to understand. I was at the receiving end of that for months. I waited for Rosalie to trust me. For her to see that I was not Royce. I don't want to see you be that unhappy. There are some great guys out there if you would open yourself to it. There is a great guy who I'm pretty sure wants to get to know you, downstairs. I'm not saying you have to marry the guy but can you at least talk to the guy for more than five minutes before you run away?"

"Emmett I hear you. I'll try but I don't know what will happen." Edward obviously didn't share any details about the little incident earlier. I wasn't sure if I should be glad he kept his word or sad because he didn't want to discuss it with his brother.

"Just try for Rose and me?"

I nodded and started back down the stairs. We all met in the lobby and got into a cab. Driving through town, I hardly noticed the maniacal driving. Edward was right, I did get used to it. I snuck peeks at him sitting in the front seat. He wore a green shirt that matched his eyes and made his copper hair shimmer. I felt my hand twitch, wanting to run my fingers through his locks, just to see if it was as sort as I imagined. I squeezed my hand into a fist, my palm protesting against my nails. I had to decide how to proceed. I couldn't very well grab him and kiss him like I wanted to. Not like my dream last night. I blushed to be thinking about it.

Arriving at the restaurant I sat down at the table next to Edward angling my chair towards him. Sipping my wine I asked Edward about Chicago. He told me about growing up in Forest Park just west of Chicago and going to school at Columbia University.

"I started out at Dartmouth focusing on Music. Soon I realized that I wanted to teach music. It is so fulfilling. I know it seems so cliché but children are the future. I'm a little sad I'll be missing them this year. I'm taking a leave of absence to focus on my composing. Of course I've obviously not getting much of that done here am I?" he said as he laughed. I thought about what Rosalie said about Edward going through a tough break up. He obviously was trying to distract himself from the pain. So much like me. Perhaps we could be good for each other.

We compared playlists and were surprised to find we had a lot of similarities in music. He conceded that some great musicians had come from the Northwest and I talked him into listening to a few local bands that I had been following_._He scrolled through my iPod and raised an eyebrow.

"You never struck me as a Debussy fan," he teased.

I shrugged. "I guess I'm just full of surprises aren't I?" I joked and I tried to get my eyes to twinkle.

My wine glass kept being refilled and by the time we walked into the starlight street I was a little lightheaded. Emmett's words echoed in my ears. "_There is a great guy who wants to get to know you downstairs. I'm not saying you have to marry the guy…"_ I knew he was right. I could just try to have fun. I deserved fun and maybe even a fling. Edward was certainly very sexy; he might be just what I needed. I decided to take the risk. The group went to find a cab while Edward stayed back with me. The alleyway had large string lights woven through the Juliet balconies. Lush purple flowers grew at the planter at my feet. I threw my head back to gaze at the stars.

"You know, I never seem to be able to find the big dipper," I murmured to myself. I took a step off the curb and my dress caught on my sandal. I fell forward into Edward. He braced his knees and caught me. I started laughing uncontrollably and buried my head in his shoulder.

"I guess the combination of wine, long dresses and star gazing isn't such a good idea."

"Yeah you could say that," he chuckled. I could feel his body shake with laughter. I pulled my head away and looked up at his face, a huge grin on my face. He gazed at me with his piercing green eyes. I licked my lips and held my breath. Slowly his hand came up to my cheek. Feather light, he traced the line of my jaw with a rough finger.

"Bella…."

His inclined his head towards mine and the air around us slowed. All the sound on the street was drowned out by my beating heart. Edward's nose brushed against mine, as he ever so tentatively pressed his lips to mine. I parted my lips and tasted the honey and cigarettes on his breath. I laced my hand into his hair and was pleased to find it was just as soft as envisioned. I pulled him closer to me, molding my body to his frame. I could feel him breath quicken as he groaned. That sound stirred something in me and I pressed my breasts against him and sucked gently on his bottom lip. He pushed me away with a smile. He gazed down on me never breaking eye contact. His hand stroked my throat carefully. We stood like that for a moment. Time seemed to stand still.

"The cab is here lovebirds. Break it up," Angela called out, breaking the eye contact.

The entire ride back to the hotel Edward traced the back of my hand with his fingertips, gently circling. It was soft and yet still set my chest on fire. He pulled his hand on his lap when we parked at the hotel. I pouted at the window. I didn't want to show him it bothered me. I couldn't get my hopes up. Getting out Rosalie threw an arm around me and pulled me away. I gave a lingering glance at Edward as I was escorted away. He watched me walk away, a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Oh, Bella, you'll love Mykonos. The sand is so warm and the nightlife is even better. It's all sandy beaches and hot men walking around in Speedos. Ugh. It is fantastic. You'll see." She kept her arm around my shoulder the whole way up to the room. When we arrived at our room Rosalie turned to smirk at me. "See I told you. Give him a chance. I just knew this trip was going to be great." She said, turning to flounce away. I leaned against the doorframe. It was a magical night but still didn't answer my question. Where would we be in the morning light?

**

* * *

**

A huge thank you to Cornel81 for help with the Greek phrases. You are fabulous and know all about these cab drivers!

**Anya Marina-Two Left feet**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


	10. On The Mediterranean

_This is a city for not sleeping  
and the clocks are set by feel.  
At this moment from where I sit,  
none of it seems real._

**Midnight on a beach on the Mediterranean**

We boarded the ferry early and were lucky that our tickets had us sitting together, near the front of the ship. The Aegean Sea churned black beneath us. I kept looking at Edward. His face didn't betray his thoughts, on how he must being feeling about the previous night. He was so good looking. What happened last night was a fluke. A combination of too much house wine and too many stars. The trip went by quickly in part from Rosalie and Emmett's stories. While we cut through the churning water Rosalie regaled us with a story of getting kicked off the train in Switzerland.

Alice and I went to the concession to get a drink. Waiting for our Turkish coffee, Alice peered at me through the corner of her eye. I sighed. "What is it Alice?"

"So, you and Edward kissed last night," she asked. I nodded blushing scarlet.

"And?" she prompted.

"And what Alice? What do you want to hear?" I teased.

"Cut the crap Bella. We all saw you two. How was it?" Alice grumbled.

I rolled my eyes. "Alice I don't know what to tell you. It was soft and warm. It made my knees buckle and my hair stand at end. It was perfect and I don't think it was a good idea to do. I'm sure Edward just had too much to drink."

Alice frowned at me. "And why, Isabella, do you think that, I might ask?"

"Christ, Alice, look at him and look at me. It's just not going to happen for us. The best I am hoping for, is friendship."

"You are being silly! Don't sell yourself short. You are worth more than you think."

I shrugged my shoulders. "If you think so."

"I know so Bella."

Receiving our coffee we went back with our group. I slid back into the booth next to Edward. He motioned to the coffee. "Aren't you sweet, you got me a coffee."

"Yeah right!" I laughed. "You can have a few drinks though."

I'm going to hold you to that," he teased, flashing me a wicked grin. My heart sputtered in my chest. Maybe this was where we stood. I wasn't sure what it was but it was a welcome development from his rude words and death stares. I sipped my coffee carefully. It was strong but very good. I could sense Edward near me, his heat made my thighs tingle. He put his finger on my knee and began to move it; up and down, side to side. At first I began to have thoughts. Thoughts of his fingers going up farther. When they stopped, I frowned in disappointment. I blushed at the thoughts I had, while my friends surrounded me. It took me a while to realize he was writing a message.

"_Hi"_ he traced. I looked down trying to hide my smile.

Carefully I lowered my hand to his leg. I could feel the warmth of his thigh through his thin shorts.

"_Hi"_ I wrote. Edward smirked at me before putting his hands on top of the table and started a conversation with Alice about Jasper's new book. After a minute I slid my hand off his thigh and placed it back in my lap. We didn't touch the rest of the trip.

We pulled into Mykonos by early afternoon and found our way to the bustling port to find a hotel. The driver wound quickly through downtown Mykonos, around corners and skirting on seaside cliffs. White houses with blue shutters dotted the landscape. On the top of a hill, windmills rotated in the ocean breeze. We arrived in Ornos Bay at the Hotel Deliades overlooking the beach. We dropped off our stuff and we changed into our suits. Alice insisted that I wear a tiny little blue suit she said was perfect for accentuating my 'girls'. It was far smaller than anything else I've worn before but they assured me that there were woman walking around topless, so I would look modest. We walked down to the beach, the sand was silky on my toes and the water shimmered as if it was filled with gold. The ocean was much warmer then the water at the beach in La Push. We found some cushioned lounge chairs and settled underneath the straw umbrellas. My head still throbbed from the wine the previous night. I decided to take a short nap and hopefully get some color. Turning on my iPod I lay down and closed my eyes.

_And I want, I need  
Somehow to believe  
In the choice I made  
Am I better off this way  
I can hear the voice inside my head  
Saying you should be with me instead  
Every time I'm feeling down, I wonder  
What would it be like with you around_

I soon found myself drifting off while the sun kissed my back.

I was in the Klahowya Campground north of Forks. Moss hung heavy in the thick cedar tree branches. A songbird called out a melody and a breeze blew off the Sol Duc River. Edward and I were sitting by the fire roasting marshmallows and laughing about our day together. Behind us I heard something disturb the bushes. I got up to investigate. Small twigs snapped under my feet as I made my way through the brambles to the source of the noise. I reached the bush and pulled the branches back to find Mike. I looked at Edward and he didn't notice. I walked over and glowered at him.

"Mike what do you think you're doing here?"

He laughed cruelly. "I should ask you that question."

"I'm here with Edward."

"Yeah, you and pretty boy huh? Do you really think you could ever be with him? Come on Bella. You can't seriously think he would be with you."

"Well either way it's none of your business anymore."

Bullshit it's not. You are my business. Just who do you think you are to leave _me_ Bella? Did you really think you could just let go? That you can have a life without me? I am your life. Don't you forget that."

I awoke with a start. Alice and Rosalie were wading into the water. Angela lay next to me chatting with a cute local man. I checked my watch. I was surprised that such a disturbing dream only took twenty minutes. I sat up to take a drink of water. The boats rocked smoothly in the water and the waves broke white against the jagged cliff side. My thoughts ached at the dream. It didn't take a genius to see through the dream. It was pretty straight forward. Why was I so confused? I knew Mike wasn't good for me. I knew that I couldn't live in that kind of relationship anymore. But still I just didn't know how to live without it. I wanted so badly to believe in the choices I made. I just wanted to let go and move on.

We decided to eat at a pizza and pasta place that had tables in the sand. I changed into my orange sundress and tied my stiff salt water hair back. I didn't have time for a shower. Sitting down at La Vita Bella we ordered a few bottles of the house wine and large pizza's. We were soon joined by the owner who introduced himself as Socrates. He brought us chocolate covered strawberries and sat down to tell us about his college days in Chicago. Immediately Emmett and Edward launched into deep discussion about the best place to get a hot dog.

"So, was it obvious we are Americans?" Emmett asked him.

"Oh, Please. Of course it was," Socrates said, chuckling.

"Hey, we're trying to blend in. Some of us even speak Greek," Rosalie chimed in, pointing at Edward. She laughed. "Although not all of us. The only Greek I know is from that movie."

Socrates furrowed his brow. "Which one?"

"My Big Fat Greek Wedding," I added. We had this conversation earlier in the week.

"That woman! The Greek government should have gotten a contract on her," Socrates said. We shared confused glances. He sighed, loudly. "To kill her. What she has done to our culture. We are the laughing stock of Europe."

"No, that's not true," Angela said, smiling.

"So, Socrates. Sox or Cubs?" Edward said, diffusing the odd rant.

After a long conversation on which was better the Cubs or White Sox Christos brought us a tray of shots.

"I don't normally do this but I like you, you're a fun group. These are a local favorite. Mastichia, it's made from the Mastic tree on Chios. Very good. You will all like it, I promise." We eyed each other skeptically. I sniffed the licorice scented liquid delicately. I wasn't much for shots.

"What the hell. You only live once." Emmett rose with glass. "Cheers"

"Cheers!" we chorused.

It was cold and sweet, better than I expected. After a while Alice and Angela got up to leave. Angela set up a date with the cute Greek from earlier. She wasn't usually a risk taker, I was surprised. Alice agreed to accompany them to a night club across town. We moved to the bar and Socrates gave us more mastichia. After a third drink Emmett and Rosalie wandered off down the beach. Edward muttered something about them having no shame. I was at the point of giggles and got more than a few raised eyebrows from the restaurant.

The night moved quickly and soon Edward and were being cheerfully kicked out by Socrates. Getting off the bar stool, I swayed for a moment. Edward chuckled and slid his arm around my waist to lead me to the hotel. I savored the warmth of his arm around my waist. I tucked my head into his chest and took a deep breath of the salt water and musk on his skin. He smelled so good. He stopped at my door and I fished through my purse.

"I can't find the key, Edward," I said. He held out his hand.

"Let me see." He looked through my purse for a few minutes before looking back at me. "Did you drop it?"

I shook my head. "No, the girls have them. I guess Angela's date is going well. Maybe she'll get lucky."

"Yes, well who knows?"

"Nice to hear that someone is," I muttered.

He froze and looked at me, his face concerned.

"Okay, no more mastichia for you ever again." He teased as he raised an eyebrow. "Let's go down to my room then. Come on, I promise I'll be a gentleman."

"I wasn't worried. You're always a gentleman," I slurred, following him up to his room slowly. I tried to watch my steps but stumbled a few times. I leaned against the wall as he unlocked the door. "Edward." I paused looking out towards the ocean. I leaned forward towards him. His lips were inches from mine. "I think you're very handsome."

He flashed his eyes at me and held the door open. I stood against the doorframe and watched him. I was fairly sure I just spelled it out for him and he totally rejected it.

"Cock blocker," I mumbled under my breath.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Nothing, I didn't say a thing."

I kicked off my shoes and watched as he looked for a blanket.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm making up the couch. You can have the bed," he said, his eyes to the wall.

"Edward that looks awful you can sleep in the bed with me. I promise I'll be a lady," I teased.

He smirked at me and nodded. "Well, apparently you are not always a lady," he said.

I grabbed the hem of my dress and pulled it over my head. I stood there in my bra and underwear. Edward stared at me for a second and I was so past caring, I didn't even blush. Maybe I was better at this sexy stuff than I thought. "What? It's the same as my swimsuit. Actually this is more than that suit Alice made me wear earlier. That was scary."

"Yes I agree. The blue suit is a little scary."

"Does that mean you liked it?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "Lay down, Bella."

I crawled into the warm soft sheets and a few minutes later I felt Edward lying beside of me. The last thing I remember was Edward's velvet voice singing softly.

_It's the way that you blush when you're nervous.  
It's your ability to make me earn this.  
I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep.  
It's about how you laugh out of pity,  
'Cause let's be honest I'm not really that funny.  
I know that you're shot, just let me sing you to sleep._

I woke to the sun streaming through the window. I rubbed my eyes groggily. I remembered parts of my dream. It had been a very good one, I knew that. My head pounding, I tried to piece together the night. I remembered dinner. I remember drinking at the bar. I couldn't figure out how I ended up in bed. I turned over with a groan and faced him. I was in Edward's bed. Edward was sleeping beside me. I widened my eyes in shock as the pieces fell together. Something about a key floated to my mind. I looked down and saw I still had my underwear on. Oh, God I took my dress off, in front of Edward. I tried to drunkenly seduce him. He was sleeping on top of the covers. I was sure if anything happened he would have at least been under the quilt with me. I padded to the bathroom and was greeted by a mess in the mirror. My eyeliner was smudged and somehow my hair stuck up in the back and was glued to my forehead in the front. Splashing water on my face I tried to wake up. I ran my hands through my hair trying to make sense of the tangles. I would have to clean up. I left the bathroom and tried to creep past Edward. I didn't know how to act the next day, after a drunken sleep over. Even if there was no action. As I got to the door I heard his voice behind me.

"Where are you going?" he called out, his voice thick from sleep.

I paused with my hand on the doorknob. "I just thought run to my room and clean up and change."

He sat up in the bed. His shirt was riding up on his stomach and I stared at the low v going down into his shorts. What was underneath…..I shook my head trying to get my bearings. "Can you come back down when you're done? I'd like to take you to lunch."

Interesting development. I smiling to myself, I nodded. "Okay just give me a few minutes and I'll be back down." Despite my throbbing headache I ran to my room and pounded on the door until Alice let me in. She was dressed and looked fantastic with her hair perfectly coiffed and a red dress on.

"Hey, where have you been? I was getting worried about you."

"Edward's. You guys had the key, remember? Edward let me stay with him, I guess."

"What do you mean, you guess? Don't you know?"

I walked in and got out my toiletries. "Of course I know. Sort of…I don't remember much of last night. We closed down the bar and I ended up in Edward's room."

"Did you two….."

"No! Well actually I don't think so. I'm pretty sure we didn't. That's the best I can do. Next time, I'll leave a note."

"So they'll be a next time?" Alice asked, shaking her head at me. "Bella Swan, you little tramp!"

I huffed. "I don't know Alice, maybe. He wants to take me to lunch. I have to go get ready."

I left her perplexed as I started the shower. I could help but wonder if anything happened last night. I was sure I would know. I would like to say that I remembered being with Edward. Annoyed at myself I vowed to lay off the wine - and mastichia. Ugh, I needed to lay off a lot of things. I was so embarrassed by my behavior - I rushed through the shower and got ready quickly. Alice laid out a blue tank and a white skirt. Obviously she approved of my late night encounter. I stood at Edward's door moments later. My hair was still wet but I didn't care. I brushed the lint off my skirt before knocking on the door. Edward opened the door. And the world was my oyster, because wouldn't you know that he was shirtless. Without thinking I scanned his chest and broad shoulders. He was even better than my dream was. I realized I was being obvious; I looked away at the ocean. "I guess you're not ready then."

He waved a hand into the room. "You're right, come in I just need to brush my teeth," he paused to look at me. "You know I'm really partial to the color on you. It looks lovely." I ducked my head as I walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. I would have to hug Alice when she picked out this outfit for me. I realized with a smirk that it was practically the same color as the bikini she finagled me into the day before. I would have to kiss her.

I watched his strong back in the bathroom mirror. I needed to control myself. I felt like a hormonal teen around him. My mind began to wander at the dream I had. Kissing the planes between his should blade. I was sad when he threw on his tee shirt.

**A/N: There Big thanks to La Vita Bella for giving me my first shot of Mastichia.**

**The comment about Nia Vardalos was one actually made to me in Santorini by the bartender, Socrates. **

**Reviews are better than mojitos. (I should know I had a few too many this weekend…)**

**Credit goes to the following**

**Minus the Bear-Pachuca Sunrise**

**Dixie Chicks-Voice inside my head**

**The Spill Canvas- Lullaby**

**A/N: **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


	11. Sideways We'll Go

"_The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along."_

_Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi_

**Sideways We'll Go**

Mykonos Town was exactly as I pictured it, with stark white buildings and the smell of fresh fish floating up from the market. I stopped into a small store with Bob Marley posters and bought Renee a mother of pearl ring. We passed shops selling embroidered table cloths and ritzy boutiques that had Chanel suits. Edward told me about his first trip to San Francisco and getting lost on the train system ending up in Concord before realizing his mistake. I was surprised how easy it was to talk to him.

Conversation flowed between us effortlessly. We wandered down the cobblestone streets for a while before finding a small café on the water. We sat and the waves breaking on the rocks at our feet splashed up at us. The buildings on the water had balconies that hung out precariously. After our orders were placed I leaned forward.

"Edward, I have something very embarrassing to ask you," I asked shyly. He raised his eyebrow.

"Can you tell me what happened last night? We didn't…." I waved my hand. "You know…"

He frowned at me and leaned back in his chair. "No, Bella, we didn't…you know. Do you really think I would take advantage of a girl in that position?" I shook my head at him. "I do have some standards; the first one being I like my women awake. Just like I told you, I was a gentleman. You on the other hand, were not such a lady."

I covered my mouth embarrassed. "Oh no what did I do? Is this about me taking my dress off, because I am so embarrassed about that."

He laughed at me. "No, that part was perfectly fine. You can take your dress off and climb into my bed anytime. No, you hogged the bed and talked in your sleep. Did you know you do that?"

I bit my lip and looked away. "I haven't done that in years. Honestly I can't remember the last time I had a dream before coming here. I didn't say anything too bad, I hope."

"No, nothing bad. Trust me," he said with a smirk. I eyed him speculatively. I was fairly certain there was more to the story but I didn't want to prod.

Placated we began to talk about our lives. I told him about my job as an assistant to an editor. He asked about college and was shocked to find out I never went.

"It never worked out. Mike and I got married so young and we just stayed in Forks. It wouldn't have worked out anyways. Some people aren't meant to go to college."

"Bella, you are very intelligent. I can tell. I am a teacher after all. I know the goods when I see it." He smiled at me. I told him about Charlie and Renee. He was silent for a moment.

"It sounds like you really miss them."

"I do. My mom is gone so much because of the tours but my dad and I got to really close, especially when I went through my hard time. He used to take me out to this really awful Chinese restaurant every Thursday for dinner. Aside from Alice and Angela he was the only thing holding me together. I miss him a lot. I've only talked to him twice since we got here."

"I think it's great you're so close to your family. I think family is very important. My father Carlisle is one of my closest confidants and my mother Esme is pure love. She went to every school function we had as well as running her own restaurant. She is the best mother a kid could ask for. Emmett and I are very lucky. Rosalie gets along really well with her too. I think you would too."

"She sounds lovely. I'd love to meet her sometime."

"I would like that Bella. I would like that a lot."

We walked around the town looking in shops. The sun stung on our back and the air was thick with the smell of fish and olives. Edward asked me about my favorite things, what I liked to do for fun. I shared with him my newfound love of snowboard but admitted that I wasn't very good. He told me he admired my perseverance. He admitted to trying skiing as a child but never got very good. The day seemed to float on easily. All day long a question burned the back of my mind. Rosalie had mentioned that Edward had a bad break up. I wanted to know what happened. I worked up the courage to ask him on the ride back to Ornos Beach. Pulling into the parking lot I asked Edward if he would like to take a walk on the beach. He agreed and we set off to walk on the sand. Edward pointed out different sites and the pelicans swimming in the water. I spotted a lounge chair and went to sit down, Edward followed behind me.

I stared out at the rolling waves pensively. "You know when I was younger my mother always told me to trust that things happen reason. That if you didn't pass your driver's test that maybe it was because you weren't meant to be driving alone that day. Or those days when you are late for work that maybe it's because you need to hear something special on the radio. It's kind of a weird theory but I think about it a lot. Do you think that's true?"

He sat at my feet. "Sometimes I do. I would like to believe in that. It would be comforting, that all the pain we go through, is justified."

I stared into the sunset over the water. Crossing my arms, I willed myself to keep going. "Edward, I don't know what is going on between us but I should tell you that I am not in perfect condition. I am a very fragmented person right now."

That's okay. I am too." He looked at me, his eyes were soft. "Did Rosalie tell you about Victoria?"

I nodded at him. "She didn't tell what happened only that it was a bad break up and that she left with someone else. I hope you won't be mad at Rose. It's my fault; I need to mind my own business. I'm prying too much aren't I?" I got up to go and felt Edwards hand around my wrist.

"Don't Bella, I want to tell you. I was just surprised that's all." He paused and looked out at the water with me for a moment. I slowly lowered myself back down onto the chair hugging my knees to my chest. Edward's hand stayed on mine. It felt so warm and sweet. I drank in the soft feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach.

"I met Victoria a year ago at a function at the hospital my dad works at. She was doing PR work for the new cardiac ward. I found her to be charming, beautiful and sophisticated. We began to date and I thought that she might be the one. On paper we seemed to work. Even though I'm only a lowly teacher my family is very well connected and there were certain things that were expected from me. One of these is to marry the right girl. Victoria seemed to fit the bill. She too was well connected and I knew we could have a comfortable life. She would bother me about my job and make comments about how I would eventually come to my senses and get a 'real' job. I brushed them off thinking she would come around. I made plans to propose on the day we met in July.

"I was heading to the jewelry store when she called me to tell me that she needed me to come over to her apartment immediately. Upon arrival she sat me down and began pacing. I begged her to tell me what happened. She told me that she met someone, someone who is better suited for her. A lawyer named James, who was going to marry her. I was shocked; all my plans had been dashed on this girl. I was a wreck for weeks. Slowly I began to see her for the person she was. A woman who capitalized on her looks and good social standings. She was never someone I could build a fulfilling life with. I could never be myself with her. I have heard that James dumped her soon after that. I came to Europe with Rosalie and Emmett because I needed to get away from the rumors and gossip. I needed to figure out what is important to me."

I gazed at him. I gulped because she sounded like everything I wasn't. Because I couldn't imagine a woman treating a man like Edward that way. But most importantly because it was as if he was telling my story, like he was reading my mind.

_Strumming my pain with his fingers_

"Really? I'm killing you softly?" he laughed at me. I didn't realize I had even spoken out loud.

I shook my head. "No, Edward, I know exactly how you feel. I too, have been there."

"Tell me about it Bella, I want to know you." He soothed.

I squeezed his hand gently and bit my lip. How would he react to the story? I doubted it was something he'd be interested in. "It's not a pretty story Edward."

"Ah, and my mine was so pleasant," he joked.

"No, but I'm just unsure you'll want to hear it."

Edward nodded. "I have all night. Let me have it."

Slowly I began telling him the story. I didn't leave out the details. I told him everything, the pregnancy and wedding. I cried when I told him about the miscarriage and staying in Forks for years, Finding Mike and Jessica together. I explained how Jessica's baby was Mike's and how the depression and vandalism soon followed. He held my hand and let me continue. I talked until the sun dipped beneath the water and the string lights on the beach began to illuminate the sand. When I was finished, I felt so light. Like the world was no longer on my shoulders. Telling Edward seemed to free up that space in my heart. I felt my body relax with each word I uttered. I wasn't sure why I trusted Edward so much but I felt like I could tell him anything. I squeezed his hand.

"This is probably too forward but I think that you and I are good for each other right now," I whispered hesitantly.

He smiled softly. "I think so too Bella, me too." We sat holding each other for a while. The sounds of the waves lapped on the beach. Edward rubbed my arms and stroked my hair. He stood up to hold out his hand to me. "Dance with me?"

"I'm not a very good dancer. I might hurt you."

"Nonsense Bella, it is all the leading." I got up to stand by him. He laced his arm around my waist and pulled me close. I could smell the sweetness of his shirt and feel his warm chest beating against me. I laid my head on his shoulder to breathe him in. Standing there for a moment Edward leaned down and pressed his nose to my hair. I heard him breathe me in. He started gently swaying me.

I leaned back to look at him. "There isn't even music."

"Sure there is. Can't you hear it?" I felt his lips moving against my hair as he softly sang;

_You know it aint easy  
For these thoughts here to leave me  
There's no words to describe it  
In French or in English  
Well, diamonds they fade  
And flowers they bloom  
And I'm telling you  
These feelings won't go away  
They've been knocking' me sideways  
_"I like this song." I leaned back into his chest and I let him lead me a circle round and round. I began to feel dizzy with the sensation of having him so near. He tipped me back and bent down and brushed his lips on my cheek. His mouth traveled down my jaw to my throat. I felt my blood boil at the soft impression of his lips on my collar bone.

"Oh, Edward," I groaned.

He brought his face to meet mine, whispering my name. His every word washing over my face. I was intoxicated by his essence. He came forward and gently pushed his lips to mine. I grabbed his head and pulled him to me. I wrapped myself around him clutching so hard I could barely breathe. I needed him like air, like the sun. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and he let me taste him. His tongue played with mine and I groaned into his mouth. Without breaking contact he grabbed my hips and led me to the lounge chair. I fell back into the cushions and Edward lay on top of me. I felt his length against my leg and I pushed up into him. He kissed me slowly down my neck and nuzzled the hollow beneath my ear. His body smoldered above me. His hands ran down my sides leaving flames of pleasure to course through me. "Let's go back to the hotel."

He sat up quickly. "Oh, God, Bella, I'm so sorry. I told myself I wouldn't get carried away and here I am taking advantage of you on a beach. I'll take you back to your room right now."

"No, I don't want to go to my room. I want you to take me to yours."

He gazed at me shocked for a moment before recognition passed over his face and he crushed his lips against mine.

I kissed his neck as he fumbled for the room key. He pushed my body against the doorframe and I stood on my tip toes to press myself into him. He tried to unlock the door and the key scraped against metal repeatedly before we could tumble through the door. He led me into the room kissing me fervently. His hand tangle in my hair and he pulled me to the vanity. I backed up into it and he gazed at me his eyes dark, with wanton lust. His hands moved from my hair to rest of my breast. He squeezed it and I moaned in pleasure. He ran his thumb over my nipple and I bit back another cry. He watched my face as his hands came down and he pulled off my shirt. I let it flutter to the floor.

"You are perfect. Just how I imagined," he murmured.

"Did you think about this?" I asked him in between kisses.

"Of course I did Bella. It's all I could think about all day. Ever since I saw you I've been thinking about it."

I pulled at his shirt, ripping buttons off in my attempt to get to his body. Edward ran his hand over my stomach and up to my peaks. He pinched my nipple, rolled it between his fingers. I could feel my panties getting wet. He brought his mouth down and gently ran his tongue over my sensitive mounds. He took my nipple between his teeth and bit it softly through the thin white cotton. I folded it him and groaned into his ear.

"Do you like that, baby?" Edward asked his voice husky with sex. All I could do was nod. He took my other nipple into his mouth and I groaned loudly. His fingers slid under my skirt and he traced the line where my underwear met my skin. His fingertips moved the satin aside and I felt him between my folds.

"Oh God, Bella you are so wet. I love how wet you are."

"It's for you."

"You have no idea how sexy that sounds."

I brought my fingers down and gently pulled off my underwear. I shook them down my legs and then hopped up on the top of the vanity. I pulled him close as I fumbled with his pants. Finally he helped me pull them off along with his boxers. He kissed me again and he palmed my hot center. I grabbed his hips and ground him to my wet heat.

"Jesus," he hissed. He wrapped his hand around my neck and suddenly I felt his length teasing my entrance. He made circles with his hip going deeper inside me. His hands grabbed my hips and I wrapped my legs around him, plunging him deeper inside me. I panted his name as he slammed me against the mirror. Over and over, he thrust himself into me until I felt the buildup in my stomach. The throbbing tone getting stronger and stronger. A crescendo and then the waves of pleasure broke over me. I felt myself clench around him and I threw my head back into the wall calling out his name. I felt him explode into me and I leaned forward to bite down on his shoulder, climaxing again from his sex. We stayed there frozen in those positions, a sheen of sweat covering our bodies. Edward pulled away first and he kissed me softly; on my jaw, on my cheek, over my nose finally reaching my lips. Satin smooth, his tongue pulled over my lips and I let him taste my breath. He rested his forehead against mine.

"Bella, that was…."

"Yeah, it was," I replied. I smiled to myself and closed my eyes, replaying every moment. I began to laugh when I realized what happened. Suddenly I couldn't stop the giggle bursting from me.

"Bella, what's so funny?"

"I never…." I broke off, maniacal laughter shaking our bodies still connected. I bit back another laugh as I pushed him away. I climbed down from the vanity and surveyed the room. Clothes were scattered all over the floor and there was a crack in the mirror. I rubbed the spot on my head where I banged myself. Even with the dull ache, I couldn't fight back the smile. A little concussion was a small price to pay to have sex like that. All those years with Mike and it took fifteen minutes of rough sex in a hotel in Greece to blow it all away. I sat on the edge of the bed and crossed my legs.

"You know, laughing at a man, after you have sex is never an ego boost," he said frowning.

"No it's not that at all." I rested my chin in my hands. "Edward, that was incredible."

"Really?" he asked. "Then why are you laughing?"

I snickered as I gazed up at him. "It's embarrassing. You'll think I'm silly."

"Bella, you are a lot of things but right now you are the last thing from silly."

"It's really stupid. Trust me."

"No, now the suspense is killing me. You have to tell me. You can't have a post coital chuckle and not fill me in on the joke."

"Leave it to you to use big words like post coital after something like this."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Am I?"

"Please, Bella? Just tell me. I would do anything if you could just fill me in. I'm dying over here."

"Come sit by me," I asked, patting the space next to me. He raised an eyebrow and sighed as he obeyed my command. I sat up cross legged in front of him. Leaning forward I took his face in my hands and pulled his lips to mine. I kissed him chastely before leaning my forehead against his. "Don't laugh okay? And I don't want you to think I'm putting too much into this but what just happened, I've never had that."

"The sex? Are you saying you were a virgin? God, I am such an asshole, what the fuck was I thinking, I…"

I held my hand up to my mouth stifling a smirk. After I composed myself, I shook my head. "No, not the sex. I was married; of course I've had sex. No I was talking about the…you know…"

His eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not following you."

"You know the thing…"

He narrowed his eyes and shook his head at me.

My hands flew up in desperation. "Orgasm, Edward. That was the first time someone gave me one."

"Ever? That was the first time you've had an orgasm?" he asked. His eyes bright with happiness. I could already see him getting smug.

"I said that was the first one I've had with someone."

"So, you've what, given yourself one before?"

"Sure, I am human after all."

"But, I'm the first guy to give you one."

"Correct."

"Sweet," he said under his breath, smirking at me. "Well, it sounds like we have some catching up to do."

**

* * *

**

Roberta Flack-Killing me Softly

**Sideways- Citizen Cope **

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


	12. Waiting To Bloom

**Stephanie Meyer owns the characters. Except Socrates. He is real. And mine…**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_That green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you  
and how could, anybody, deny you _

_I came here with a load  
and it feels so much lighter, now I've met you  
and honey you should know, that I could never go on without you_

**Waiting to Bloom**

In the morning Edward woke me up with slow kisses down my arm. I rolled over and pulled him close to me. I buried my head into his chest and memorized the sensation of his skin against mine. "I could stay here all day with you," I murmured into his body. He chuckled and hugged me closer.

His hands rubbed my arms. "God, you were so incredible," he mumbled against me.

"You weren't so bad yourself," I teased.

"Oh really? You take the lords name in vain for_, not so bad_?"

I shrugged. "What can I say, I'm quite blasphemous when the time calls for it," I replied with a smirk. I thought about the night before. Even if it was rough and needy sex, there was something haunting about the way we connected. It was if we were two fractured pieces of the same canvas. We came together to form a complete picture.

"Do you think we should have used something?" I asked. He stilled and looked at me.

"Uh, yeah next time, I think I might have something in my suitcase," he mumbled into my mouth. He kissed me hard before pulling away to the closet. I watched his naked back as he fumbled with his suitcase. His pale skin stretched tight across his strong shoulders. His narrow waist folded over the luggage. I wasn't sure I was making the right choice. Was he going to think I did this all the time? Did this mean something different for him than it did for me? He returned the small foil package in his hand. I took it and gazed up at him. He brought his lips down on mine and I stopped thinking. He rolled the condom on and I felt him at my entrance.

"Are you ready?" he asked his voice full of lust. I nodded and his eyes were soft and tender. He skimmed his knuckles over my throat to lace in my tangled hair. Kissing me down my throat.

He leaned over me and kissed his way up my leg. I shudder in pleasure when he slowly dragged his lips over my inner thigh.

"We need to get up," I mumbled. "But I don't want to."

"I know darling me too. But we need to get up. This is Angela's and Alice's last day we need to see them off tonight." He reminded me. I groaned and rolled out of his arms.

'Well Damn, I forgot that was today. I guess I should go see the girls today." While dressing I saw Edwards eyes following me. I walked to him and stood above him. "What are you looking at?"

Edward pressed his head into my stomach and held me tight. "You, Bella, I'm looking at you. I bet you have no idea how beautiful you are."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah okay Edward. Enough with the flattery I need to get going now." I went to move away and Edward's hold around my hips tightened. I looked down at him expectantly. "Are you ready for round two?"

His eyes blazed up at me. "Bella, I want you to check out of your room. With the girls gone you should stay with me. I want to wake up every day with you next to me."

_Yeah in Mykonos_

I nodded to him and kneeled down to kiss him. "I will see you tonight at dinner."

I spent the day in town shopping with the girls. We drank our mojitos and chatted about the funnier points of the trip. We copied Angela saying that men are sunflower seeds. You chew them up and spit them out. We teased Alice on forgetting that she untied her bikini top and flashing the entire beach. They joked about how many times I tripped on the ferry. Angela was the one to bring up the topic. "Bella I think we've waited long enough. You need to fill us in on what is happening between you and Edward. Don't try to get out of it either. This was the second night you slept in his room in a row."

"I didn't sleep with him the first night!" I said without thinking. I clapped my hand over my mouth. Rosalie and Alice started laughing so hard they began to cry. Angela just smiled at me.

"So you are saying you did sleep together then?" I shrugged my shoulders sheepishly. "I guess that's my answer. Well all I can say is it's about time. You should see yourself since we got here Bella. You are so much happier now. The change is remarkable. You were a shell of a woman before and now you are amazing. You know he has been trying to get you to give him a chance since we got to Greece. He's asked for every one's help. He's crazy about you. He actually was driving us a little crazy to honest. "

I looked around the table shocked. "Really? Why didn't anyone tell me? I would have been all over that if I knew. I waited the good part of two weeks waiting to figure out if he liked me."

Rosalie put her hand on mine. "Bella, it wasn't ours to tell. Either he needed to tell you or you needed to figure it out for yourself, which apparently you have." She smirked at me. "Didn't I tell you this trip would be good?"

We walked Alice and Angela down to the ferry terminal so they could catch their boat back to Athens. We hugged at the gate and Rosalie exchanged email addresses with Alice. As they walked away Alice turned around to yell at me. "I love you Bells, Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

I laughed at her. "What does that leave out?"

The weeks flew by like a dream. Mykonos was everything I could have asked for. I immediately checked out of my room upon returning and Edward and I stayed in bed all day long. We ate our meals at exciting restaurants and Edward had me try new foods I never would have tried, moussaka and baklava. We saw the ancient church the Paraportiani. He urged me to try sailing and took me on a tour of Mykonos and the neighboring Delos. We sailed all day looking at the area. Seeing the archeological sites and hiking to the windmills. Everywhere we went we took pictures. Our days were filled with sights and tourist attractions. Our nights were filled with passion and pleasures. I had never known a satisfaction like the one Edward gave me. Every time he touched me my heart would pound and my skin would boil. I would feel guilty for rushing into an intimate relationship so soon. I made Mike wait for over a year to have sex and I slept with Edward two weeks after meeting him. Edward was different though. I had never felt so comfortable in someone's presence. He made everything so easy for me. We talked about of hopes and fears. Our triumphs and sadness. I opened up to him about me and he did the same. He talked to me about his life.

"My parents were always supportive of my idea to teach. They knew I was interested in music and in teaching so it only made sense. I taught piano lessons for neighborhood kids all through high school. There is a sense of accomplishment working with children, when they finally get a concept after so many weeks of working on it. It is very rewarding. I have an uncle who tries to get me to come work with him at his accounting firm. He says that teacher is just a phase. I don't think I will grow out of this. I just wish my family could be happy for my choice," he said, sighing sadly.

I started rubbing his shoulders. "I think it is wonderful Edward. There are so few people who are passionate about their job. I know that I certainly am not."

"That's because you're not doing what you wanted to do. If you were a journalist like you want to be you would be very dedicated. I can tell." Edward replied.

"You are right, I know you are. I just don't see it happening in my future. I'm too old now."

"That is ridiculous Bella; my mother went back to school when she was thirty two. She is a changed woman now. You are only twenty two."

I shrugged my shoulders and changed the subject to our dinner plans. I got ready for dinner with Rosalie. She and Emmett were going back to Chicago the next day. Rosalie sat me down and began to play with my hair. She brushed and teased and curled before it was satisfactory for her. She looked fabulous in a deep red halter dress and silver gladiator sandals. Her hair was pinned to the side and cascaded over her shoulder in soft waves. I wondered how anyone could ever see past her. I asked her more questions about her life as a model in high school. I asked about her job as lawyer in Chicago. She shared that Emmett and her wanted to start trying to get pregnant.

"It is scary to imagine myself as a mother. I know Emmett will be a wonderful father. He is such a kid anyways—it will be like having two in the house," she commented, laughing. "The rest of the family will be so happy too. Esme can't wait to be a grandma. She spoils us so much already. Carlisle will insist on helping every step of the way. I wouldn't be surprised if he delivers the baby and Edward. Oh goodness, I can't imagine a better uncle for a child. He has to be one of the most giving people I know."

"I've noticed," I paused, feeling the blush creep up my cheeks. "Rose can I tell you something. Something I haven't told anyone yet?" I asked

She nodded. I urged on "I wanted this thing with Edward to be a fling but I'm developing real feelings for him. I really like being with him. I don't know how I'm going to be when I have to go home. I tried to be casual but I can't help these feeling for him."

Rosalie silently applied blush to my cheeks. "Bella, I think everything will work out. You have no idea the man Edward was, before coming here. He was so sullen and moody. He sulked around for weeks at a time. He was slightly miserable to be around to be honest. Remember when I said he was a little prickly?" I nodded."Well I meant it. We traveled through Europe with a grumpy guest for weeks. Then we get to Athens and he lights up. He is excited about getting up in the morning. I think it's pretty obvious what the change was. It's no coincidence that you show up and he becomes happy again. I haven't seen him this happy in years. You are so good for him. I'm not surprised you two are falling for each other."

I sat there shocked for a moment. Falling for each other? Is that what was happening? I knew I felt good around him, is that love? I had so little to compare it with. "I don't think that's what happening Rosalie. It's too soon to be falling for someone."

"You can think that. I know love when I see it Bella. It takes one to know one. Just like I knew your pain—I know that look in your eyes when he looks at you. Let him love you, Bella. You are very special and I just know you are here to save Edward." She coated my lashes with mascara and deemed me ready.

My head swam with thoughts of the conversation. I kept sneaking looks at Edward throughout dinner. I knew how much I liked him, how my knees felt weak when he kissed me. How his hand made my body shiver in anticipation. I knew that he loved his students very much and wanted to be the best teacher he could be. I knew he made me feel lightheaded when he would smile out of the side of his mouth. I knew every curve of his body and he memorized every curve of mine. It was a carnal feeling but there was something else bubbling under the surface. What was this feeling? Was it love? If I did love Edward could he love me? I couldn't imagine being able to hold someone like him. He seemed to have the world at his feet and I was a small town girl from a rainy corner of Washington. He was established in his career and I was still getting coffee and getting lunch orders. I was doing the same job I had in high school. How could Edward ever love me?

After dinner we decided to go to a night club. I was apprehensive but agreed after Emmett teased me relentlessly. I was sure that I stepped on Edwards's feet quite a bit but he never complained. I started enjoying myself. The pulsating music and strobe lights rocked our bodies. The feel of our bodies moving to the beat was sexual. Edward's hands traveled on my body. I felt like I was lit up like a tree. Edward kept up with the rhythm easily and I tried to follow his lead. After an hour of dancing we went upstairs on the roof for some fresh air. I leaned against his chest and we stood there looking at the twinkling stars above us. Edward's hands rubbed my sides.

"You know, I don't think you've ever been sexier. You are a fun dancer. It was great to see you let loose like that. You don't seem to risk foolishness often."

I shook my head. "No, I embarrass myself enough, with even trying."

"Well you try anytime in front of me. I love it."

My heart stilled at the words. I grabbed his head and pulled him down to me. We crushed our lips together and Edward grabbed my hips pulling me up, my legs wrapped around his waist. Not breaking contact Edward started swaying to the music.

Our mouths moved against each other. He stiffened against me and I pulled away. "Maybe we should go back inside. I don't want to leave Emmett and Rosalie hanging."

He put me down and kissed my lips hungrily.

"You." He kissed me again." Are" again, "Such" again, "a tease."

I laughed throatily and took his hand to lead him down to the club to meet up with our friends.

It was our last week in Mykonos. Soon we would be traveling to Santorini for the last leg of our journey. Before we left I wanted to make the night special. After dinner I planned on having a beach side rendezvous. I was nervous about seducing Edward out in the open but it seemed to be worth the risk. Our time together was surreal to see. I couldn't remember a time when I was happier with someone. He seemed to complete me in every way possible. I met with Christos to rent out La Vita Bella for the night. He told me it wasn't an issue. We had it all set up that Edward and I would come down at eight. I took my time getting ready. I scrubbed my body clean, knowing we would be rolling around in the sand. I curled my hair the way Rosalie had showed me to do. I let my make-up be minimal. By this time, I was a burnished copper from the sun. I put on my favorite deep blue dress that I knew Edward liked. Standing in the doorway Edward stared at me. "You look amazing, Bella. I could just eat you up."

I laughed at him. "Let's go buddy. We'll be late." He took my hand and we began to walk down to the restaurant.

Socrates greeted us loudly. "Ah, it is my favorite lovebirds. You're table is ready right here." Edward gave me a confused look but complied. Socrates brought us out a plate of olives to nibble on.

"It's weird, no one is here. It's normally pretty busy here."

I smiled coyly. "They're normally closed tonight. I asked Socrates to open it for us. We have the place to ourselves. I wanted us to go back to where we started. It seemed appropriate."

"You did all this for me?" he asked shocked.

"I wanted this night to be special," I added.

Over shrimp and a few shots of mastichia we discussed what we were looking forward to in Santorini. Edward shared that we needed to see the Nea Kemeni, the Santorini Volcano. After our chocolate covered strawberries Edward and I started down the beach holding hands. The sun was setting over the jade water and the sky was a mix of purples and oranges. I led Edward to our chair from our first night together. I pulled him down to lay with me. It was cramped but I didn't mind. I snuggled into his neck.

"Edward I am so happy right now. You have no idea."

"Oh I think I do. You have no idea what being with you has done for me. Bella I've never felt this way with anyone. I thought I knew what it felt like to be happy with someone but now I know I had no idea until now. You have changed me body and soul."

I felt my chest tighten. I loved him how could I feel any other way. He was everything I never knew I always wanted. I nuzzled his throat smelling the scent of salt water and chocolate on his skin. I never wanted to leave him. I wanted to lay on this chair with him forever. I hoped that Edward cared for me as much as I cared for him. I didn't know how to make the move. I could seduce him but laying my heart out there was too scary a prospect.

_I've done it all, dear  
The games that lovers play  
I've had them both, dear  
The good times and the bad  
Save all your tears for  
Some other guy  
Tell me you love me  
It's all I want to hear_

I wrapped my arm around his neck and began to kiss with vigor, I never knew existed. I might not be able to say it but I could show him how much I cared. He responded against me rolling over to hover over my body. He lowered his mouth to my neck and kissed me down my body. My stomach was in knot and I fumbled with his shirt gently pulling it off. Edward pulled my dress up and kissed my thighs. I shook in anticipation. "Are you sure you want to do this here?"

I nodded. "This is what I want Edward. I want to be here with you on this beach. I want this memory of us together forever." He smiled at me and kept going.

Woozy from our passionate night, I drowsily walked back to the hotel with Edward. The phone was ringing as we unlocked the door. I walked into the bathroom to fix my makeup—smudged horrendously— as Edward grabbed the receiver. His voice was muffled as I ran the water to wash my face.

Edward stood against the door frame, the phone rushed into his chest. "It's Angela, she says it's important."

I took the phone warily and lifted it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Bella, its Angela. You need to come home now; your Dad was in an accident. They're not sure if he'll make it."

I felt the phone drop and the room went black.

**A/N: Oh look at that twist! There is a lot of stuff that happen in the next chapter. Isn't Edward fabulous?**

**The songs belong to the following artists:**

**Coldplay-Green eyes**

**Rooney-Tell Me soon**

**Review is as good as sunsets in Mykonos.**


	13. Twilight

**BlackJackLily—thank you for being my beta! **

**I borrowed fifteen pregnancty books from the library and own none of them, I also don't own these characters.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_Haven't laughed this hard in a long time  
I better stop now before I start crying  
Go off to sleep in the sunshine  
I don't want to see the day when it's dying  
She's a sight to see (sight to see)  
She's good to me (good to me)  
But I'm already somebody's baby_

**Twilight**

The room began to come into focus slowly. I was lying on the bed, looking up at the ceiling fan rotate. Edward's hand was carefully stroking my forehead with a wash cloth. I blinked to clear my vision as I cautiously sat up. I looked over to see the phone off the hook, on the ground, still beeping at us. I began to recall the phone call. The way Angela said 'Charlie's been in an accident', the floor falling beneath me. It was real, my father has been hurt. I steeled myself to get off the bed. I faced a concerned Edward.

"Bella, are you okay? You fainted. What happened? What did she say?"

I hesitated. "Charlie…"

His brows furrowed. "What happened?" he repeated.

"Charlie's been in an accident. I need to go to him. I have to leave now." I tried to sit up and was knocked back by a wave of dizziness.

"Slow down, you need to take it slow."

I held my arm out to him. "Help me up, I need to get up. I need to see Charlie."

Edward sighed heavily but helped me to my feet. Shakily, I pulled my suitcase on the bed and began to throw items in it haphazardly. I saw Edward leave and return moments later with my toiletry bag. He took out my belongings and folded them so that they would all fit. I sat down on the edge of the bed. My eyes were dry. It seemed like I could cry about everything else and I know I couldn't get a single drop out. My body was feather light; I couldn't string a coherent thought together. Charlie couldn't be hurt. He couldn't leave me alone like that. He was my rock. There was no way that could happen to him, he was indestructible, a warrior. It was impossible that occurred, that there must have been a mistake. I watched Edward rearrange my things and zip up my suitcase. He sat next to me wrapping his arms around me.

"Bella, we'll get the next ferry out of here. I'll call the airlines and get plane tickets back to Seattle. I'm here for you we'll get through this." He kissed my head. He got on the phone and began to talk to the airline. I couldn't hear the words out of his mouth. I felt a million miles away. The time passed but my body was stationary, frozen in a stupor. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. If I tried to think about it….When Edward got off the phone he hugged me and whispered in my ear. "I'm here Bella, as long as you need me."

I nodded and felt the lump rising in my chest.

We caught the morning ferry out of Mykonos. My mind raced with ideas I couldn't fathom. The ferry couldn't travel fast enough. The waves slowed against the ferry and the birds were sluggish in the window. Edward stroked my back, my head in his lap. He didn't ask questions, just held me. At some point he brought me coffee. I couldn't drink it—I could barely stop my hand from shaking. I looked at the people bustling around. How could everyone be so carefree? Don't they know that the most amazing person had been hurt? The man who taught me how to blow bubble gum bubbles and the proper way to fillet a fish. He could be taken away from me and yet the sun still hung in the sky. Don't they know it could be the end for me? Pulling into Piraeus, Edward helped me up and carried all our bags. I followed densely behind him. Getting into a cab, Edward asked for the airport in Greek. I stared out the window my eyes glazed over with dry tears. Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.

"I want to come with you."

I looked over at him surprised. Was he serious? Instantly, I knew I wanted him to. Of course I did. I was crazy about this man. I might even love him. But the idea of bringing him home with me, under such difficult circumstances. It just didn't seem right.

"Edward, I don't know… I don't think it would be a good idea. My father is in critical condition and I show up at the hospital with a strange man? It seems to be in poor taste."

"Bella, I want to be there for you. I want you to have someone to turn to. This could be very hard for you. I want to help."

I shook my head. "I'll have Alice and Angela. You stay here."

He frowned at me. "I'm not staying here. You don't want me to go with you, that is fine. I'll go back to Chicago. If you need me I'll only be a few hours away. Whatever you need, I'll do. You just call me. I want you to know I'm with _you_. You know that right?"

I nodded slowly and looked back out the window. Somehow I couldn't really believe him. How could I? Who was I compared to him. Who was I kidding, thinking I could have a guy like him in the real world?

We pulled into the airport and I followed Edward to catch our flight to Barcelona. He booked our seats in first class. I leaned against him and zoned out. His hands would stroke my cheek; he would rub my arm and place soft kisses on my head. He was silent the entire trip, he got me food but I couldn't eat it. I could only stare at the seat in front of me. It wasn't real to me that this was happening. I kept repeating in my head. "_He's okay, he's okay._" The flight was busy but I didn't notice the people around me at all. I was in my own dark world. I thought back on these past weeks. I had so much fun and Charlie had been hurt. If I would have stayed he wouldn't have been hurt. I could have stopped it from happening. I would do anything to be back in that bad Chinese restaurant with him eating soggy chow mien.

We had a layover in Barcelona before flying to Chicago O'Hare, where I would keep going alone. I know that Edward wanted to come with me but I couldn't imagine explaining him to Charlie when he woke up. I gulped and corrected my thought. _If Charlie woke up_.

I knew I would miss Edward; after a few weeks I relied so heavily on him for my sanity. In the flight to Chicago I fell asleep against Edward and didn't wake until we touched down. Edward shook me awake and I followed him off the plane. We walked around looking for my gate for over a half hour. Edward stayed with me until I needed to board. I got up to face him. He placed his hand on my face and rubbed my cheek with his calloused thumb. He leaned in and pressed a tender kiss to my lips. He leaned his forehead against me.

"Bella, I know that we only met a month ago but I have never felt this way about a girl before. I want you to know something before you go." He looked into my eyes with pleading eyes. "I'm falling in love with you. I'm here for you always. You don't need to tell me, but I couldn't watch you leave me without letting you know. Come back to me, okay?"

He kissed me again and then walked away. In a stupor I boarded the plane. I couldn't comprehend what just occurred. Edward said he was falling in love with me and I said nothing. I couldn't process the exchange. I sat in my seat and fished out my iPod to drown out my thoughts.

_There's always something to be going wrong  
The path I walk's in the wrong direction  
…Your tears don't fall  
they crash around me  
her conscience calls the guilty to come home_

Finally, after hours— days really, of dry eyes; I felt the tears spill over soaking my shirt. I silently cried the entire way to Seattle.

Alice met me at the baggage claim. She pulled me into a strong hug and we stood there as my body shook with her. My chest was wracked with fear and pain. She carried my bag out to the car and I slid into her Porsche. I settled into the hours of driving we had before us. Alice didn't talk; she shot tiny peeks out of the corners of her eyes at me. On the Bainbridge Island ferry she got us coffee and we found a seat next to the windows. The Seattle skyline diminished until it was a small strip of lights across the water. She tried to ask about Edward and I shot her a withering glance. We pulled out of the ferry and drove through the small town of Poulsbo. Norwegian children decorated the downtown store windows. 305 made way for the Hood Canal Bridge. Passing into Jefferson County, I turned to Alice. "What happened?"

"He was driving in his cruiser when a drunk driver ran a red light and hit the driver side of the cruiser." She paused to sneak a glance at me. My hands were stiff fists at my sides. A drunk driver? How awful. How ironic, that he was hurt by the same people he fought so hard to protect us from were the ones he ended up being hurt by.

"How bad is it?" my voice was all wrong, too quiet when all I wanted to do was scream.

"Charlie had a few broken ribs, a broken leg and a shattered radius. The worst part was that his head hit the window and there was some swelling in the brain. Since Angela called you, his condition is slowly getting better but the doctors still have him in a coma until his situation gets better. They seem fairly confident that he will recover eventually."

I looked out the window. "I just want to see him. Can you drive any faster?"

She nodded and the needle flickered at 100. I leaned back and closed my eyes sinking into oblivion. I woke up as we passed the hot springs—a place we used to go quite often, soaking in the rotten egg scented waters and hiking to the Sol Duc Falls. I began to put my things together. Alice said I could stay with her and Jasper as long as I needed to since I no longer had an apartment in Port Angeles. She would drop me off at the hospital and would return for me later. Pulling into the parking lot Alice turned to me.

"Bella, give me a call if you need anything. I'll be close by okay?" She frowned, her face concerned.

"Thank you Alice, for everything." I whispered. "I don't know what I would do without you." I climbed out hitching my purse around my shoulder.

I walked into the hospital and up to Charlie's room. He lay on the bed with tubes connecting over his body. I sat down in the chair next to him. He was paler than normal and had large bandages all over his chest and face. He was frightening to see. I grabbed his right hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm here Charlie. I'm not leaving you," I whimpered my voice soggy from tears. "I promise I won't leave again."

I was sitting on the brown sofa reading "The Great Gatsby" out loud to Charlie. I had been back for two weeks and knew all the nursing staff by name. I stayed at the hospital as much as possible. Days swept by in a fog. Charlie gradually began to recover. The doctors told me they could start to wake him up in a few days. I set my book down when I heard a knock on the door. I knew it was him before I saw him. The familiar scent of plastic and bait lingered on his clothes. I looked up to see him standing there. His hair was the same blond spikes and his blue eyes widened in shock. He still wore his Newton Outfitter's sweatshirt and a pair of dirty jeans. His face was drawn. He stopped in his tracks.

"Bella?" he questioned.

"Mike," I retorted. I kept my face blank. That asshole wasn't going to get the better of me here. Not today.

He struggled for words. "I didn't expect you to be here."

"He's my father, where else would I be?" I asked, glaring at him.

He looked down sheepishly. "I'm just surprised to see you, that's all."

I huffed loudly as I glared at him. "What are you doing here Mike. I got to say you are not my dad's favorite person right now."

His eyes stung as he looked away. "He is important to me. You know that, you both are."

"Cut the bullshit Mike. I don't want to hear it."

I crossed my arms across my chest and looked away. Mike lingered in the door way for a moment before walking to the foot of the bed to grab Charlie's chart. I tried to ignore his presence as best I could. He began to flip through Charlie's chart. "How is he doing? Is he getting better? I've been thinking about him every day. I was so worried when I heard. I was debating whether I should stop by or not."

I was dumbstruck at his gall. Who was he to come in here like this? That asshole! I grabbed the chart out of his hands. If he thought he could just waltz in here and make things better, he had another thing coming.

"He's getting better. I'm here and that is all he needs. Now I need you to leave. I'm reading to my father. Go home to Jessica," I snapped.

He looked stunned and then turned on his heels to leave. He reached the door before turn to me his hand still on the knob. "I'm not with her any more. It wasn't right what I did. I know that. We wouldn't have worked out."

My heart stopped for a moment in a surprise flip. Involuntarily I smiled and then fought it back. Why should I care if he wasn't with Jessica anymore? I shouldn't care what he does at all. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and glowered at him. "Mike you need to leave. I am not having this conversation with you, when my dad is in such bad shape."

He nodded curtly and walked out of the room. I collapsed against the wall.

"This can't be happening to me." I rubbed my face with my shaky hands. How could he just walk in and think we could talk when my father almost died? Did he think we could bond over the pain? He was wrong…

But then why did my breath hitch when he walked in the door? Why did I silently rejoice when he said he cared about me? I didn't want to feel this way. It had been so long since I had seen him—since that fateful day at his work—and I had thought he couldn't affect me like that again. I kicked myself for thinking about Mike. I needed to be with Charlie. Charlie was the only thing that mattered. I picked up the book and started reading where I left off.

That night I found myself wandering the halls of Charlie's house, looking at pictures of us at happier times. He still hadn't taken down my wedding photo from the mantle. I stood there staring at the frozen image of us in white and blue, the naïve smile on our faces. I was amazed at all the things we never knew, while we were professing out love for each other. If I had known then that we would lose the baby, that we would live in different worlds, that he would wander. If I had known…I sunk down on to the floor. Try as I might, I couldn't say I would have changed my decision. I traced the outline of our faces inclined towards each other. I focused on the little details; the lily of the valley in my hair and the crooked rose on Mike's lapel, the way the sky was completely clear of clouds for one perfect day. I long while later I was able to pull myself up to place the picture back. I knew I needed to talk to someone.

I called Edward in Chicago. I had only spoken to him twice since arriving back in Forks. I spent my days at the hospital and was typically so tired I would fall asleep when I returned to the house. Even though it was two hours later Edward picked up immediately.

"I was hoping I would hear from you. How is Charlie doing?"

"He's okay; I think he's getting better every day. I started reading "The Great Gatsby" to him. The doctor says he can't hear me but I figure it can't hurt. Dr. Snow says that he wouldn't be surprised if Charlie wakes up soon. The swelling has gone down dramatically. We'll have to see how much motor function he lost when he gets better."

"That sounds promising, right?"

"Yeah I'd like to think so. I don't want to get my hopes up but I'm trying to stay optimistic." I paused, debating if I wanted to tell Edward about Mike. I wasn't sure how he would react. "Edward, I want you to know, how much it means to me having you to talk to."

"That's what I'm here for." Edward reminded me. A beep at the other end of the line cutting him off. "Shoot, that's the school. I'm going to have to let you go. I'm glad I got to talk to you. I really miss you Isabella Marie. I want you to call me tomorrow okay?"

"Okay Edward, I'll call tomorrow afternoon."

"I love you, remember that. Come back to me when you can."

"Okay, I'll call tomorrow." I hung up. I wasn't sure why I could say it back to him. I knew that I cared for him. I adored him. I had never known someone, so selfless in my life before. He was so wonderful when I came home. He was always comforting and encouraging when we talked. I could love him, I knew that. It would be so easy, so effortless to take that step again. But I knew the risks involved in giving someone your heart. Could I do that again? Could give myself so completely over to another when I just needed to focus on Charlie now.

Why I didn't tell him about Mike was nagging my brain. I was so confused, about why I felt to raw seeing him. I thought I had closed that door and yet he knew just what to say to make me question myself. How to hit me where he knew it hurt so badly. Why couldn't I give myself to Edward? I wanted to love him. I just didn't know if I could.

_I've got your memory, or, has it got me?  
I really don't know but I know it won't let me be_

After dressing in my jeans and sweatshirt in the morning I sat at the table in the kitchen. The yellow cabinets were the same as they had been since my parent were married. My mother had painted them to add some sunshine in the room. I knew that my dad was heartbroken without my mom around. I don't think he ever recovered. The photos of them together still sat in our photo albums. The picture of us at the hospital when I was born was next to my wedding picture. I loved my father very much but I did not want to repeat his life. I needed to carve out my own niche. I just didn't know what that was. I was still so angry with Mike, in turn angry with myself for allowing him to do what he did. But more than that, I was angry at myself because at that moment I had my wedding picture was propped up on the table and I studied it as I slowly sipped my coffee.

"What are you doing, you idiot? What the hell is the matter with you?" I mumbled to the reflection of myself in the unforgiving glass.

**A/N: **

**Major Credit is due to…**

**Elliott Smith-Twilight (I love this song so much, it may be the hormones talking, though)**

**Bullet for my valentine- Tears don't fall**

**Patsy Cline-She's got you**


	14. A Generous Thief

**All I can tell you is sorry. I mean it. **

_When you have everything,  
you have everything to lose.  
She made herself  
a bed of nails  
and she's planning on putting it to use._

**A Generous Thief**

I was pulling the book out of my bag when Mike walked in. He had on a nice shirt and dress pants. He held a bouquet of red and white ruffled tulips so succulent they looked edible. He held them out to me. Wordlessly, I took them. I tried hard not to meet his eyes. I couldn't let him see any weakness in me. I rushed the bathroom to fill up the vase and began talking with my back to him.

"That is very nice to bring flowers for Charlie. I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

"They're not for Charlie. He doesn't seem like a flower guy. I know they're your favorite."

I fought back the wave of happiness that he remembered. I bit my lip and watched the water fill up the vase. I needed to be strong—I knew where this road was going to end, or rather had already ended.

"Why are you here Mike? You think flowers solve our problems? I am trying to get my life together. I can't do this with you now." I slowly turned to face him, the flowers in hand.

He approached me slowly holding my eyes. "Bella, please just sit down with me and have coffee. You don't know how I've missed talking to you."

"I don't think so Mike." I asserted. Mike shrugged at me and walked past me to the couch. He sat down and picked up my book.

"Now, where were we Charlie?" Mike flipped through the pages and seemed to ignore me. I was incensed that he thought such ploys would work on me so easily.

"Mike, what do you think you're doing?" I asked, staring at him incredulously.

"I'm reading to Charlie. I'm staying here until you agree to talk to me."

"Well I hope you enjoy disappointment." I muttered. I sat across the room in a hard plastic chair. I wasn't going to let him know how much he got to me. I would stand firm.

After an hour my back began to ache. I told him again. "Mike, I want you to leave."

"Not until you agree, to talk to me," he replied, his eyes downcast at the story.

"I don't even know what you think you can say to make this better. It can't be resolved just because you want it to be. Now my back hurts, so you should leave."

He smirked at me. "I told you I'm not leaving. You should move back over to the couch. It is far more comfortable. I won't try anything, I promise."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You wouldn't dare."

His face softened. "Bella, come on. I know you are uncomfortable sitting there. If we're both going to be stubborn, we might as well be comfortable."

I debated to myself. I didn't want to share a couch with Mike. I didn't want to share a state with him. Hell, I went to a different continent to be away from him. On the other hand my whole body was in pain from the chair. I knew the couch would be like heaven comparatively. I chose comfort above my hatred for him. I rose with a sigh and sat on the opposite side of the couch. He didn't say anything; he only went back to the book and began to read. His voice was strong and sure. He looked far better today than he did the day before. The circles under his eyes were diminished and his cheeks were ruddier. I couldn't look at him at all. How could he still look so good? Douche bag. After another hour I felt my eyes droop. My mind slipped away.

I awoke with the soft feel of cotton under my cheek. I groaned and buried my face in the fabric. It smelled so familiar, like saw dust and plastic and musk. A smell I would know wherever I was. I felt a hand on my back, slowly trailing up and down. It was soft and comfortable. I stirred for a moment, savoring the intimate sensation. "Bells? Are you awake?"

I opened my eyes with a snap. I had my head on Mike's leg and his arm was on my back. I had fallen asleep on him. I sat up with a jerk. "What did you do?"

He laughed at me as I straightened up. "Nothing Bella, you fell asleep and slowly started leaning on me. I didn't want to wake you up. That's all."

I rubbed my eyes and avoided his gaze in embarrassment. "How long did I sleep?"

"Only about an hour. I got to say, it felt nice having you so close to me again."

He trailed a finger down my arm and I thrilled at the touch for a moment before I snapped into reality. I slapped his hand away and shot him a dirty look. He looked away to laugh at me again and I opened my mouth to give him a snappy retort. A noise came from the bed.

"Bell," he rasped and a few moments later. "Bella, bell"

I jumped up and rushed to his side. Grabbing his hand I began to talk. "Oh, Charlie, I'm here. I've been here the whole time. Come back to me, Charlie, come on fight. I'm right here."

Charlie wheezed and said, "Isabella, Bella, Mike, Mike."

He sighed heavily and the machine flat lined. I turned to face Mike, both our faces frozen.

The hospital chair seemed so much harder against my back than they were before. Everything was harsher in the aftermath of Charlie's heart failing, the lights thrummed against my eyelids and the screech of the hospital carts that scurried down the sterile halls. I tried to cling to Charlie as the doctors ordered me out of the room. Mike had to pick me up and pull me out of the room. I fought for a moment— the useless struggle against his arms and kicking my feet at the open air—before I slumped into him. It was futile to fight it. I knew the doctors wouldn't let me stay there no matter how loudly I screamed. Mike's arm was laced around my waist in an awkward angle as I leaned against his chest. The seconds ticked by into minutes, then an hour. Mike never wavered in his position no matter how uncomfortable it was.

The doctor's white coat seemed blinding in lieu of my anxiety. He sat down across from us and folded his hands in a prayer pose. "Mr. and Mrs. Newton."

I opened my mouth to correct him and then closed it. What did it matter? Charlie's heart failed him, who really cared what I was called now?

"How's it looking Doc?" Mike asked quietly as he squeezed my arm.

"It was a little iffy for a while; he went into cardiac arrest, a mild heart attack really."

"Is he…" I started and then choked on my words.

"No, but his health is still very fragile. He's stable right now but we're going to keep him in intensive care until we know he's better."

Mike pressed a kiss to my temple and I sunk into his embrace. "It's going to be okay, Bells. I'm here."

"It's been a long day, you really should go home Mrs. Newton. I can call you if there any changes in his condition," the doctor urged.

Dumbfounded, I nodded and Mike helped me up into a standing position. My knees were weak as we walked out into the cold November night. He opened the door of his Suburban and I climbed in.

Mike carried my purse into our old house, silently setting it on the counter. I knew I should have insisted on going back to Charlie's but I didn't have the energy to say anything. I slumped into a chair and buried my face in my hands. Charlie's face as his heart stopped beating was imprinted against my eyelids. The way his hand went slack and his mouth opened slightly as he took in a deep breath. I was haunted by his words.

"_Isabella, Bella, Mike, Mike."_

Mike set a large mug of tea in front of me. I watched the delicate tendrils of steam floating from the cup in wonder. What was I supposed to do without Charlie? What did Charlie want me to do? Mike settled into the chair next to me and took my hand into his. The calluses on his palms were so familiar to me. It felt like home and I leaned my face down to his arm, nestling in the crook of his arm. "It'll be okay, Bella. I'm here for you."

I glanced up at him; his face was so honest, so open in that moment. The face that I had kissed and cradled so many times. I could barely get the words out. "Mike, what am I going to do?"

He stroked my hair, an action so soothing. His motion might as well have been his eighteen year old caress after I had lost the baby. I closed my eyes as tightly as I could as I tried to will the world to fall away from me. He swept the hair off my neck and ran the pad of his thumb against the hollow behind my ear. "I don't know darling. But whatever you do, I'll be here for you. Whatever you need."

I pulled my head up and studied his face. The face of my first love, the face of my home. In that moment I needed Mike. I needed to feel safe for just one moment, to feel like I had some semblance of security. I needed to get away from my head, to stop thinking, to stop feeling.

I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips gently. He kissed me back, tenderly cupping my cheek in his palm. I laced my hand in his hair and pulled him closer to me. I poured all my pain out into him; all my anxiety, all my sorrow, all my guilt. I climbed on to his lap and straddled him.

Mike pulled his head back and gave me a wary look. "Bella, what are you doing? You're not really feeling right."

I kissed his again and felt him harden beneath me. "Mike, I don't want to feel. Just make love to me. Make it go away just for tonight. Please, Mike."

"I don't know, Bella…" he hesitated.

I couldn't handle this rejection, but I struck back knowing that I couldn't handle the idea that I had to feel this pain any longer. I knew I was pushing both Mike and I to do commit an act of deference that I would regret in the morning. I was betraying everything I had worked hard for and asking him to fuck me in every way possible. I was going back to swim under every bridge I had ever burned between us. And all I could comprehend was his hand on my neck and the familiar way his blue eye gazed at me.

"If you love me. Just do this for me."

He gazed at me, his hand stroking the nape of my neck. I saw the resolve form in his eyes as he pulled my face to his to kiss me.

The morning was a cold one, and I buried my face into Mike's chest to fight of the chill in the air. Mike stirred for a moment and threw an arm around my back, pulling me closer to him. I slowly opened my eyes—dry as could be from crying all night—and began to realize what I had done.

How could I sleep with Mike? Where was my self-respect, my resolve? What kind of woman was I to give so freely to the man who had broken me down so readily? I sat up slowly and surveyed the room. We had fallen asleep on top of the purple comforter on our old bed. I thought back on the night before. We had made love so feverishly, right there in the middle of the kitchen at first. I grasped and clawed at him, wanting to take him all in at that moment. It was hard and fast, hurting me more than it felt good. But I didn't care, for that moment all I had was Mike and the cold linoleum floor on my back, the cabinet door slamming against my knee.

It was what happened after that was the hardest. He took me up the stairs and into our room. He laid me down on our marriage bed, slowly kissing me. His heartbeat like a hummingbird wing and his lips soft against my neck. His touch against my breast, his hand over my heart and the tickle of his hair against my stomach. The way he whispered '_I love you, I love you, I love you' _burned against my skin and was etched into my brain.

I climbed out of bed and pulled on my clothes, sneaking out of the room. Mike stirred for a moment before his chest began to rise and fall back in its familiar pattern. I grabbed my purse and walked out of the house to make the mile walk back to Charlie's house. I knew what I had to do now. But that didn't mean it would hurt any less.

**So there is the angst and such. Don't hate Bella too much. She can't see what we all clearly do. **

**Ben Harper-Diamonds on the Inside**

**BlackJackLily—I adore you! Your Beta skills are superb, (Superb Joe)**

**I own a great new body pillow.**

**Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, the story, characters and plot.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended**


	15. No Good

_I can't keep you  
I can't hold you tight  
I can't love you  
See, despite my hurtful ways  
I can still make you blush_

**No Good**

"You did what!" Alice screeched at me, her hands on her hips. I gripped my coffee cup and looked around the café pointedly.

"That's why I told you here. I knew you were going to freak out, Alice," I whispered. "I just knew it."

Alice narrowed her eyes at me and cocked her head to the side. "Don't think just because we are in public I won't make a scene, Isabella Swan. I have no qualms about yelling at you."

"Yeah, I can tell," I mumbled.

She leaned back in her chair and studied me. My face grew red with shame. She sighed loudly and frowned at me. "Okay, so let me get this straight. Your father has a heart attack and your way of dealing with it is to sleep with your abusive and infidelious ex-husband."

"Is infidelious a word, Alice?"

Alice's cheeked flared in anger as she waved her hands at me. For a moment I thought she was going to slap me. I wasn't sure how much I would blame her.

"Oh! Oh, are we having a spelling test here or a morality test! Jesus Christ, Bella! What the fuck!" she hissed. A woman at the table next to us covered her son's ears and shot Alice a death glare.

"I don't know…" I tried to explain and tapered off. What possible explanation would rationalize my actions? In the light of day, my transgression seemed much worse than when I was lying on the kitchen floor, staring up at the dingy yellow light cast shadows on the ceiling. Everything about the previous night; that had seemed so dull at the time, now felt serrated against my guilt.

"Answer the question, Bella."

"I guess, yeah. That's how I dealt with it."

"What about everything Mike put you through? What about Edward? What were you thinking?" she asked in astonishment.

"Does it seem like I was thinking? I have no clue what came over me, Alice. But I can't take it back." Try as I might I knew that last night's actions were irreversible. I had the sense that all my strides toward a new life had been in vain. I didn't know what I wanted now. Who was I now? Was I an independent woman who seduces handsome men on the white sand in Mykonos, or was I the faithful wife of my high school sweetheart? Was there a middle ground?

"Are you going to tell Edward?"

I bit my lip and studied the foam on top of my latte. Tiny bubbles popping slowly: pop, pop. Edward was going to be an issue. How could I tell him that I would do that? How could I have done that? Still, I had no way of knowing how Edward really felt. We had certainly never had _the talk. _

"He deserves to know," Alice asserted.

"Why, Alice? Why does he? He and I aren't…"

"Yes, you are."

"No," I interrupted her. No matter how strong my feelings for Edward were, I knew that he was never real. "I would be kidding myself to think that. I don't deserve someone like Edward. Especially not now. I could never hold someone like him in the real world."

"Christ," Alice mumbled under her breath. She pursed her lips at me, shaking her head. "I don't know what to say to you Bella. I got the feeling you thought more of yourself than this."

I blushed in embarrassment and sat silently, drinking the dregs of my coffee.

Alice reached her hand out and patted mine. "Okay, you fucked up. I still love you. Now we just need to figure out what you're going to do.

"Yeah, that is the million dollar question," I mumbled to my empty coffee mug.

Miraculously, in the days that followed Charlie's heart attack, his condition vastly improved. He would wake up for a few minutes and squeeze my hand. He didn't talk again but I knew he was getting better. I stayed with him every day and had started reading him "Of Mice and Men" I knew how much he loved Steinbeck. Anything to help him along. What Charlie said confused me. Did Charlie want me to get back together with Mike?

Mike had me so confused. I couldn't tell which way was up. He would come every day during his lunch break and bring me things. We didn't talk about what had happened but it still hung in the air. He would ask me out and would tell him no. Every day he would bring me things, my favorite Italian dish, my favorite coffee, my favorite candy. I knew that he was trying to point out that he knew me.

What stung the most was that it affected me. I could help but relish the attention he was doting on me. It had been so long since I had seen that boy, I found myself smiling for a few seconds every time he would walk in the room, before recovering with a scowl just in time for him to see my face. I couldn't fight it, he did know me. He knew how I liked three packets of sweetener in my tea and how when I got really tired I would scrunch up my face to fight a yawn. He knew these things without asking— he knew them because as he had been showing me for weeks now—he really knew me. How long could I keep fighting him?

I knew how easy it could be. It would go back to the little box of a life we had before. I would work my job as a coffee girl and he would work late nights at the store. Maybe we would get pregnant again. I could see our lives in front of us. I was unsure how to proceed. I knew that a part of me would always care about Mike, could I let that part go?

Then there was Edward. Perfect, handsome sweet Edward, The man who said he loved me. I knew I didn't deserve him.

Deserve? Hell, I didn't even know what I wanted. As much as I wanted to say that I was stronger now— someone who would never allow herself to be fooled by graduation declarations and quarter carat rings— all I had done to cope was to leave. I had done it to Mike; I had done it to Edward. I wasn't fooling anyone, especially myself. I deserved every second of my struggle. I knew it, Mike knew it and eventually Edward would know too.

"Bella, I really need to talk to you. Would you please just have a drink with me? I don't want to talk about things in front of Charlie," Mike asked as I closed the book. Lennie had made his fatal mistake. I studied the broken cover of the book. It was a gift from Renee years before. Before I moved to Forks, before I met Mike, before the…

I couldn't allow my thoughts to wander to the dark place they always went. I had to be strong. I had to look towards the future.

"You know, I'm just going to keep bugging you until you finally relent. Just like our first date. I kept asking and asking until you agreed."

"I remember," I murmured to my lap. My chest felt tight and I flexed my jaw.

"I'm only going to be worse the more you let this go on. It will be like before, only this time I have more to lose."

I scratched my forehead at an imaginary itch, my attempt at nonchalance as I allowed the words to freeze over.

"You already lost me, Mike."

Mike scooted closer to me on the couch, his leg flush with mine. I damned the tingle of warmth from his contact. Why did he have to make this so easy to say yes?

He took my hand in his and gently squeezed it. "But you came back…"

"For Charlie! I came back for Charlie! I didn't come back for you." I was shouting now, my face flooding red in excitement and anger.

A flash of humor crossed Mike's face, but was soon gone. He gave me a stoic look as he let go of my hand. "I know, Bella, I know that you didn't come back for me. But I can't help but think that you would have. Just one drink. You can yell at me in the bar, all you want."

A million quips went through my head. Accusations and venomous slang. But as I opened my mouth all I could do was relent. "Fine, I'll have a drink with you."

His face broke out into a wide grin and he hopped up from the chair, shoving his hands into his pockets to hide his excitement. "Thanks Bells, How about seven at the pub? It should be fairly quiet."

I looked away at Charlie. I couldn't handle Mike's excited face any longer. All my composure was teetering. I needed to keep the upper hand here. My eyes boring down into the ugly painting on the wall above Charlie, I replied. "Okay, Mike, I'll see you there."

Mike hesitated in my peripheral vision—hoping for a friendly acknowledgement, I'm sure. I studied Charlie, memorizing every pore on his face until Mike turned to leave. Letting out a gush of air as the door closed, I listened as his footfalls became softer until they were gone.

Sinking my face into my hands, I replayed the conversation. I had agreed to drinks with him, I had slept with him. All this fighting of what—as it was becoming more apparent lately—I was going to end up doing anyway. The idea of the weight made me feel so much older than I was.

It was possible that what Mike had said was true. I couldn't see myself staying away from Forks. What exactly did I think I was doing in Greece? All I had done was left my anger here to mold in the soggy weather. The Grecian sun had done nothing but turn my contempt into confusion.

I couldn't even picture what would have happened if I had stayed with Edward. He had a life in Chicago. I had a life here. It was a fantastic venture into the sun— but in the end I knew I belonged here, where months of patient rains allow for short weeks of summer heat. That was what I knew.

I turned to Charlie gripping his hand. "What should I do Charlie? I am so confused. I need you now so much. Please fight back for me."

His color was getting better. I hoped in my heart, he would pull through. I couldn't help feeling like Charlie would want me to give Mike another chance. He always stressed the point of forgiving others. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle.

Charlie's eyes were shut and he looked so peaceful. I sat there with his hand in mine for a long while. With a lump in my chest I realized that I had already made the choice. I had gone there with Mike. I was the one who kissed him, who slept with him so readily—and to be honest, quite forcibly—I was the only one to blame for my matchstick love.

I tried to put off the phone call I knew would be so painful by picking up my mess from the morning. Dishes done, floors swept and laundry turning, I had no choice but to face it.

Edward's silky voice sounded clear in my ear. "Bella, I'm so glad to hear from you. I've been thinking about you all day."

I gulped. "Yeah, well I've been at the hospital. I was there all day."

"Is Charlie any better?"

"Yeah I think so. Hopefully he'll wake up soon. It was so scary last night…"

"Good, I can't wait to see you. How long after Charlie recovers will you come to visit me?"

I felt the moisture sting my eyes. He was making this so hard. Why couldn't he be mean? Why couldn't he be cold?

"Edward, how am I supposed to know?" I snapped. I gritted my teeth until I could force the ice to form in my tone. "I can only focus on Charlie right now. I can't be worrying about you too."

"You know that's not what I meant. I only mean that I miss you," he said, his tone apologetic.

I sighed loudly at him. "I miss you too, Edward. But the thing is I need to focus on Charlie. I don't think I can keep doing this with you. It's selfish. It's not fair to Charlie and more importantly it's not fair to you. You deserve better then what I can offer you. I would only end up hurting you in the end. I'm damaged, Edward."

"Bella, what are you saying? Are breaking up with me?" His voice got hard.

"Were we ever really together?" I gave an icicle laugh. "Let's be honest about this Edward, Greece was great but who are we kidding? I can't be the kind of woman who is with you, the kind who will be accepted, the kind to stand next to you at dinner parties and social functions. I'm not good enough. Greece was fun but we need to face reality."

"Bella you don't know what you're talking about. I want to be with you, that is all that counts. Nothing else matters."

I stared down the wolf painting hanging on the wall behind my father's favorite arm chair. I set my jaw as tight as it would go. I needed to power through this. The longer I was on the phone, the more time Edward had to break my resolve. "No, I know what I'm saying and I think you need to move on. I'm not right for you. I'm not good for you. I'm never going to be the one for you. Please understand that."

"Bella, I'm not going to argue with you about this. If you need some time I will give it to you. I'm not going to give up hope on us."

"I really wish you would. I'm not worth it, really." I confirmed sadly. "I'm only going to let you down."

"That is for me to decide." He paused. "You are being ridiculous right now and I'm not having this conversation."

"I slept with Mike," I blurted out. I shut my eyes tight as if not seeing the phone would make my actions disappear.

The silence was so lingering I wondered if I had only thought it.

"Did you hear me?" I asked after over a minute of reticence.  
"Yes," he slowly drawled. I could picture him; sitting on a nondescript couch, a bottle of his favorite beer next to him and his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I…just…"

"Bella, I don't really know what to say right now," he interrupted softly.

"I didn't mean to, I was so sad about my father and he was just there…"

I heard a crash on the other end and I stopped talking.

"I wanted to be there. Remember that?" I closed my eyes tightly trying to keep a hold on my emotions. He swore under his breath. "I told you, I wanted to be there for you."

"You didn't mean it," I offered weakly.

"The hell I didn't! Don't you tell me what I do or don't mean!" he yelled. He sighed loudly and I could hear the soft squish of him covering the receiver with his palm.

When he returned his voice was harder, but quiet. "Bella, I will take some responsibility for this, I suppose."

"No, Edward! This is me, this is all me."

He rushed on without regard for my plea. "I take some responsibility, because I obviously wasn't clear enough with my feeling for you. We never discussed exclusivity; therefore I cannot be angry for you doing what you did."

I nodded stupidly even though I didn't agree with him at all. I just needed the movement; I needed the pain of my neck intensified.

"Now though, I am telling you, I want to be with you Bella, only you and I want you to do the same."

"Edward, I can't." I whispered.

"Are you really going back to your ex-husband?" he asked calmly, almost jokingly. As if the idea of me returning to Mike was so preposterous it was laughable.

"No, I don't know, maybe. I want to, but I want to be with you. Either way I hurt someone…"

"Too late," he interrupted softly. I fought back a sob at his cold words. On the other end I could hear him shake his head. "Bella, you have to know the extent of my feeling for you. But I can't do this right now. Let me know when you've made a choice. Call me when you've come to your senses."

I stared at the receiver for a minute. Did I just do that? Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life? What path had I taken to get here? I sat in the hard backed kitchen chair and sobbed into my shirt. It was over an hour, before I could drag myself off the table and walked to the bathroom. What was I doing? What a crazy, stupid girl I was.

I showered and changed into my jeans and a pink sweater. I focused on blow drying my hair instead of replaying our conversation in my head. I couldn't go back and take all those words back. I knew it was true. I wasn't good enough to be with Edward. I was a divorcee that never went to college. I had an entry level job and no social standings. Worst of all I was selfish, I slept with my ex-husband with no regard to how it would make him feel. I could never hold someone like Edward. He deserved better then a girl like me.

The way he tried to take the blame broke me down the most. After all that I had done. After everything I was lacking in the first place he wanted to take responsibility? It was acidic hole that was rotting through my chest.

Mike was sitting in a booth in the back. He had changed into a nice button down shirt and jeans. He was putting forth more effort than I had seen in forever. I slid into the booth and ordered a beer from the waitress.

"You look nice, Bells."

"Thanks you too." We looked at each other awkwardly before I broke contact. "So how are your parents?"

"They're good. The store's been really busy. You know with Christmas coming up in a few months. Trying to get everything in order, you know."

"Yeah, I remember."

We sat there silently drinking our beers. This silence was so different than the one with Edward. It was softer, a cloying feeling that didn't nag at me.

"So last night…" he started.

I put a hand up to stop him. "I don't want to talk about that. Last night was a mistake." I looked down at my barren ring finger and gently touched the indented skin. My voice was a feather against the table. "Such a mistake."

Mike grabbed my hands and gripped them tightly between his. "Bella, I know I have no chance of you forgiving me, but I just needed to be near you. I can't tell you how, I sorry I am for doing that to you. I was an idiot…"

"Yeah, you were an idiot," I interrupted.

"Yeah, I was an idiot for thinking; that I could do that to you. I'm the most selfish person ever."

"You are selfish."

"I am so sorry Bella. Please give me another chance. I would spend my whole life making it up to you. Say you will."

I shook my head at him. "Mike, you don't know how much what you and Jessica did hurt me. I was a wreck for months. If I hadn't left, I don't think I could even have this conversation with you. You cheated on me. I gave you everything I had to offer and you threw it away for a little fun in the back of your car. And the worst part is that she was my _best friend_."

"I know, I know. I am an awful person. I took you for granted." His eyes began to water. I handed him a napkin and looked away embarrassed.

"Mike, I don't even understand how this happened. I need you to explain everything to me before we can even talk about getting back together." My voice was firm and my eyes were dry.

He wiped his eyes with the napkin and pursed his lips. "Do you really. I mean, won't it be hard to hear?"

"Maybe, but if you want me back I need to be able to trust you. How can I trust you, if you won't tell me the truth? I'm a big girl, Mike, I can handle it." I affirmed.

He hesitated for a moment before sighing heavily. "Jessica and I started seeing each other last September after your birthday. You remember right? When we went out to the Lodge and then we came here…"

I nodded stupidly, bile rising in my throat. I remembered the night. I had gotten food poisoning from rancid chicken.

"Well after that night, she came to the store and asked for my help moving some things in her apartment. I went over after work. We had a few drinks, started reminiscing and one thing led to another." He paused to check my expression. I kept my face blank, I had betrayed enough by now. He drummed his fingers against the table nervously.

"It felt nice to be around someone who just craved me, even if it was only for a few hours. You and I—we, had never been the same after the baby. I wanted someone to adore me."

He looked at me, pained. I nodded for him to go on. "Afterward, I felt so bad I didn't even want to face you. I was sure you knew. I tried to stay away from Jessica but it was inevitable that we would see each other. After weeks of trying stay away from each other we began to sleep together. We couldn't help it.

"And then we found out she was pregnant. I told her to take care of it but she refused. She said that she would raise the baby on her own if she had to. She told me that she didn't need me, I believed her. Still she came around the store at least once a week. Sometimes we would have sex, sometimes she would ask for money. I was planning on ending things soon, until you found us. When you left Jessica decided we would make it work. She moved in and we tried to live together."

Mike stopped to put his head in his hands. I saw his shoulders shake. I felt the urge to comfort him, but I also was secretly pleased that he was so upset. I finally felt vindicated for all my pain. What was that phrase. Misery loves company? How true. "Mike, go on. You need to tell what happened."

He sat up slowly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "It wasn't the same, she wasn't you. She didn't know how to talk to me when I was sad. She couldn't make my favorite pancakes. She is a huge slob and I had to clean the house all the time. We fought all the time. We tried to make it work but it didn't work at all. I need you. I need you to be there for me. It was never her, it's always been you."

I felt my heart rip at the seams. "Damn it Mike, why do you always do this? You know my weaknesses. You know exactly what to say. It's not that easy for me, to forgive you, to let this go. I had my heart broken. And what about the baby? Did you forget that you have a baby coming into the world, what next week? The week after? Did that little fact slip your mind?"

"No, but we're not together anymore. I just thought…."

"What, Mike? Pray tell, what you were thinking. Did you think you could sweet talk me and I would just fall back in love with you, no questions asked? That is not how it works at all. You know what? Maybe I've moved on. Did you think of that? It's been almost six months. I need to move on eventually."

He sputtered. "Are you seeing someone?"

"I was," I confirmed. I was sure I was forsaken the minute I said _was. _Edwards smile flashed in my mind and I closed my eyes to fight the tears I worried would come. Mike was silent across from me, waiting for me to finish.

"I met him in Greece. It wouldn't have worked out, but I was seeing someone."

I composed myself into the same icicle I was earlier with Edward. I crossed my arms and leaned back in the booth. "What? Are you shocked that I could move on?"

"No, of course not. I'm just surprised that all," he replied, sheepishly.

"Well, these are the repercussions of your behavior."

"Yeah, I know, you're right. I can't be mad. I just want to know that we'll be okay," he muttered.

I huffed and shook my head. "Mike, if you want this work out, you need to show me you have changed and that you have grown up. Do you think you can do that?"

"Yeah I can, I'll show you how much I've changed. It's a new me, Bella."

I got up to leave. "I'm going to go now. If you want to see me call me and set up a date. We're doing this right."

Mike stood up in front of me. "I will." He wrapped his arms around me in a stiff hug. "Thank you Bella, I love you. I love you so much."

I stared at him and felt a spasm of panic. Was I making the right choice, how would I know which road was the right one to go down? Nodding curtly at him, I pulled away and walked out into the dark moon light.

**The Ravonettes-Blush**

**So there is the angst and such. Don't hate Bella too much. She can't see what we all clearly do. Don't worry things will be resolved in time. Thank you to my readers for putting up with me. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them. I know Bella's choice of leaving Edward seems awful. Most of us didn't love Edward leaving in New Moon. We all make mistakes. Reviews are better than ruffled tulips.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**


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